The one moment that might have changed your life direction

[GlitterUnicornsAndAllThatJazz]

I'm sure we all have one.

A moment we think back to and made a decision - maybe it seemed full of meaning then or maybe it seemed insignificant at the time.

But you can't help but look back on that moment as the moment when things were to go one way or another.

Mine:

There was a huge complicated backstory to my relationship with this man.

We were in the south of france at the time. That afternoon a decade ago now he asked me to go with him to biarritz that same night. I only had a few hours to think and I chose not to.

I wonder just how different things would be if I'd said yes, for better or worse.

At 22 I decided to visit sis in US, bringing DD4. At the time had a good job, nice flat and on again/off again relationship with DD's DF. Had no interest whatsoever in living in the US and loved life in my home town.

Met now DH on that holiday, and within 9 months had moved to be with him, abandoning my old life. Am very happy and have made a great life, but often wonder what would have been had I not made that trip. Still miss my family terribly though.

I can’t pin it down to one, or even two, my life feels like it’s had more ‘junctions’ than ‘straight lines’. Decisions I made for myself...that started at 14 & hasn’t stopped for 40 years, but my parents taking me to live overseas (I didn’t want to go), when I was 8 is where I start to wonder what my life would have been like if that hadn’t have happened.

The day I decided to move out at 17. I really felt like I had no choice, and maybe I didn't (my sister was very aggressive) but I often wonder what would have happened if I'd stood up to her and asked my mum for real help.

After I moved out I got myself into debt and didn't go to uni, and although I am studying now I sometimes, not always, feel cheated of a life I could have had. I feel sad for 17 year old me

The day I agreed to talk to someone from Womens Aid.

I know if I didn't talk to someone there, I'd have lurched to yet another abusive fuckwit or two and likely would have had DC with them instead of my lovely DP.

Choosing not to go to the termination clinic, I now have a gorgeous 2 year old DD, but I always wonder what would have happened. Would DH and I still be together? Would I have gone back and done my final year at University?

I very nearly didn't go to a 21st birthday party as I wasn't in the mood and barely knew anyone. I forced myself to go and met my lovely husband that night. 12 happy years and (almost) two children later it's very strange to think of a life without them.

It's kind of depressing from a feminist perspective how many of these are about meeting DH.

Very few career-related ones, aside from taking a job and then...meeting DH.

I weep for humanity.

TableShack why would you weep? Human nature is to be loved and love back. It brings joy. I have a job I love but the people I love (not just DH) mean more.

Feminism to me is women having equal opportunity to persue whatever life goals they want - including a career. There is no shame or anti-feminism in finding happiness in a partner

But that's your perspective of feminisim. How can it be feminist to tell someone they are not allowed to decide what is a big decision in there life?

Xpost with Minko!

I suppose it's just the sheer number of Prine Charming stories. It's a bit embarrassing. Is finding a husband really the most important thing in women's lives?

I think it’s more embarrassing to judge others.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to share your life with others. Just like there’s nothing wrong with dedicating your life to a career. As long as you have the option to make your own choices then that’s feminism to me.

A partner is the start or extension of a family. And yes family is the most important thing in my life. I don’t think that’s an embarrassment.

Table you can't plan to meet a partner like you can with a job. It's more likely to be a chance decision/fleeting moment thing. I posted earlier about meeting my DH. I also have a career I'm proud of and work for a good company, but it wasn't a one moment thing. I can easily imagine if I had got a different job, I would have had a fairly similar career elsewhere. It's more odd wondering what life would be like with a different DH and therefore DCs.

Also I believe my DH would say the same about meeting me, for what it's worth.

If I’m ever lucky enough to have a daughter I’ll want her to be a strong, independent woman who makes her own decisions. And I’ll encourage her to enrich her life through any way she finds happiness...education, travel, work, hobbies, friends, children and yes love.

Finally working out the meaning of a line of poetry in my Oxford interview, which I think contributed to me getting a place to read English.

And yes, I also met my DH there and we now have a baby. And although I'm proud of myself for getting my degree, it doesn't bring me joy every day. DH and DD do.

Like everyone i had loads but the one that stuck out is that id meet two different chaps who were friends and we hung around during a levels. In personallity they were like mr bingly and mr darsy. I liked both alot however choose the mr darsy type one although im not sure the mr bingly type one liked me although he did spent ages chatting to me. The mr darsy type guy was lovely but very moody and we split as friends before uni. I often wonder what had happened if id chosen the mr bingly type (if he was interested) as he was so postive and fun. He turned up at my house after id chosen to chat and then i never saw him again. I heard a few years later he died in a car crash. Just one of the nicest people i meet and had made a huge difference to alot of people in the years afterwards.

Table..i find it sad you dont understand the chance of finding love

Just before I started dating my now-husband, a friend took me to a gay night at a club. I met a very cute lesbian who asked me out on a date and we made plans. I chickened out at the last minute and cancelled. I do wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t been so scared.

I was on holiday but I bought a ticket and returned home three days early. I met my DP the day after I returned. We've now been together 4 years, have a beautiful DD and are getting married soon.

If I hadn't of left early, I would never have met him. I believe it was destiny ❤

At 29 i was dumped really cruelly by a friend of my flatmate so could even never see or hear about him again. He dumped me with an awful attack on my character and was v sanctimonious. Mutual friends seemed not to see what he had done.. my regret is that i didnt go and have therapy at 29. I lost weight,i planned great outfits, grew my hair, all the usual shit but did not address how the gas l8ghting and public character assassinatuin had destroyed my self esteem. So the next bf was financially and emotionally abusive.

I broke up with a boyfriend at uni, he now works in Manhattan. It's not a better or worse outcome, but just a wondering about what could have been different if we'd stayed together that long.

My mum always maintains I ruined my life by having a baby and not going to university at 19. I married the wonderful father of the baby, had one more and we’ve all been really happy for 22 years(although very poor). I now have a degree in a completely different area which I think is far more fulfilling than the one I would have done.
I’m sure I made the best choice but it would be interesting just to see where the abortion path would have taken me. And of course big moments are about the people we have around us in life, that is incredibly important, doesn’t make us sappy women.

Well certainly some of my ex-boyfriends and flings are doing very well for themselves. I wonder if I would have been a SAHM if I had stayed with one of them? Or had more kids? But I didn't really have a choice as all of them dumped me except one where it kind of just fizzled out.

With my husband I've always, except for a period of about 6 months, been the higher earner and have always worked. And we have one child. We met at college - if he or I had gone to another college we wouldn't have met.

OK Table, I'll bite. Though you're not much of a feminist yourself if your idea of it is dissing other women's stories.

I had a very good job in the civil service and was about to be sent to Hong Kong on secondment (it was during the handover) I visited an old university friend one evening- not even a close friend, just someone I'd known who had moved to the next town from where I was working and had called me to meet up. Spent the evening talking about travel, and the fact I'd done a year out.

I went home that night, didn't go to bed, spent all night looking through the photos from that period.

Went into work and handed my notice in.

Have now been teaching in Italy for 24 years. Am in a state school and still not earning half of what I was earning at the Home Office.

Linked to this, is that initially I was offered 2 jobs, one in Spain, the city where I had spent the year out, and one in Italy. I couldn't decide between them, I'd left part of my soul in Spain, but wanted to experience Italy as well. It was 1994 and the World Cup semi finals. (or quarters, can't remember) Italy played Spain and I decided I'd go wherever won the match.

Not very feminist, maybe, but ever so life-turns-on-a-dime.

Meeting partner years ago on holiday. Last night of both our holidays walked past him in a bar then he came up and talked to me...could easily never have crossed paths. Had arranged to meet someone else that night later in the evening and didn't as had met future dh, I don't believe in fate or anything but def remember this as a sliding doors moment as would've gone to meet the other bloke if hadn't gone into that bar at that time.