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AIBU?

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Original poster

To complain to school about announcing GCSE results?

84 replies

Rachel178 · 23/01/2018 16:54

DD1 is 15, almost 16, and is taking her GCSEs this summer. She is, and always has been, extremely clever, and should do very well.

However, she attends a top ultra-selective private girls' school where the pressure to get straight A*s is, in my opinion, ridiculous.
(long story - she went to state primary, her headmaster advised us to try for a scholarship at this school for secondary, she ended up getting a huge scholarship making it affordable for us)

The key worry DD has is that the school award a 'prize' to every girl in the year who gets at least 9As; when their GCSE certificates are awarded in assembly, it is read out who got this prize and who didn't, so everybody knows whether you got 9As. A list of the 'prize'-winners is also published on the school website and in the school magazine. About 2/3 of the girls achieve this every year.

DD has started having weekly panic attacks and nightmares about GCSE results - in her mind, the results that would be a disaster and utterly humiliating would be 8As and 2As, because then 'everybody would know that I hadn't got 10As'.

To me, the sort of school where 8A*s and 2As is synonymous with failure is not a healthy environment. I massively regret sending DD there now.

I know I'm not going to be able to get the school to change the 'prize', but would I be unreasonable to speak to them about the sort of pressure they're putting on their students?

OP posts:
lilyboleyn · 23/01/2018 16:57

This kind of pressure is, unfortunately, very normal in ultra selective schools. It’s the nature of the beast.

Pengggwn · 23/01/2018 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dahlietta · 23/01/2018 17:04

This sounds very like the school I went to. You are not being unreasonable to feel uncomfortable about it all, but sadly I don't think anything you could say to them would make any difference. You wouldn't be unreasonable to give it a try though!

etap · 23/01/2018 17:06

Aw, but the poor Olympian who finished 4th... how humiliating for them!

IJoinedJustToPostThis · 23/01/2018 17:07

On the one hand... You're asking the school to not celebrate the achievements of their highest attainers, and the main raison d'etre of the school is high attainment. (I've worked in a private school, and "What are you going to do to make sure my child gets an A*?" was heard pretty frequently at parents' evening)

On the other... It's a long time yet until your dd finishes her GCSEs and the symptoms you describe sound awful for her. Who is responsible for your dd's pastoral care? I'd start with your dd's form tutor and work up from there. Has she told any of the staff how she's feeling?

It's important she learns that the world wouldn't cave in if she failed every exam, let alone got two 8s.

steff13 · 23/01/2018 17:11

it is read out who got this prize and who didn't

They read the names of the people who didn't win the prize? That's out of order.

BarbarianMum · 23/01/2018 17:12

I mean this kindly but YABU. This is what you chose. This is what these schools are. This is what they do. Do speak to the pastoral support team, presumably they want her to perform well so would rather head off a breakdown. Do speak to your dd and make her see that life is more than exam results and prizes. But don't get annoyed at a scorpion for stinging.

Salmonellie · 23/01/2018 17:14

Unfortunately I suspect she is the type of student who would probably put herself under this pressure no matter where she went to school. There are plenty of students at my DC comprehensive who suffer in the same way - even though they are recognised to be the high flyers of their year group. As parents all we can do is reassure them that their best is good enough and that no matter how well they do there will always be some one better - does it matter how well Usain Bolt was at Art or Albert Einstein at History?!

AnnaleeP · 23/01/2018 17:15

Actually they're on dodgy ground announcing the results on their website if students are named.

For external results, the results are the students' results, not the school's. They would need signed or written permission from the student (not the parent).

LIZS · 23/01/2018 17:19

Sadly seems increasingly normal . Dc school do so via a happy photo on results day of those who meet their benchmark. Dd was Sad to miss out by 2 marks on the day, despite having extra Maths which didn't offer A*.

FancyNewBeesly · 23/01/2018 17:20

My grammar school (not private) did exactly this. I'll tell you, I hated my time there and my GCSEs were a disaster (they made me drop two because I wouldn't be able to "do well enough" - i.e. wouldn't get an A or A* - and one of those was because we'd been taught the coursework criteria incorrectly and they had to pull the whole year out of the exam). By the time I got to a-levels the pressure nearly broke me, but I did end up with AAAB when I wouldn't have come close to that elsewhere. This helped me get into a top university and has benefitted me ever since. Doesn't mean I didn't hate it, but I do now appreciate the education I received there.

Unfortunately it's the nature of this sort of beast. If indeed they do read out the names of those who didn't achieve this, that's completely out of order and I would bring this up.

I'd focus on telling your daughter that while this is important, it's not the be all and end all of her life and that you'll be proud of her as long as she does her best. She needs an antidote to that pressure at home.

5plusMeAndHim · 23/01/2018 17:23

Actually they're on dodgy ground announcing the results on their website if students are named
No they are not because they are PUBLIC EXAMINATIONS.The results are PUBLIC

My DC go to a grammar school and the regional paper prints each candidates name , the number they got at a-C and then in brackets the number at A*

ShastaTrinity · 23/01/2018 17:29

My DC go to a grammar school and the regional paper prints each candidates name , the number they got at a-C and then in brackets the number at A*

same here, it was already the same when I was at school.

Reading the name of people who failed is a bit odd, waste of time if nothing else!

Morphene · 23/01/2018 17:31

wtaf is wrong with the schools in this country? Seriously.

I would pull my kid out of any school that was so clearly damaging her mental health.

I teach undergraduates with more A*s than you can shake a stick at, and I'm beginning to understand now why the rate of depression is so high and why suicides appear to be happening with increased regularity.

Protect your children - there is far FAR more important things in life than grades - like staying alive past the age of 22.

AChickenCalledKorma · 23/01/2018 17:31

Keep in mind that high achievers are prone to regarding an A as a "failure" in all sorts of school environments. So it's not entirely due to the school's approach. And in all honesty, everyone would know who got a string of top grades, regardless of whether they get a prize for it.

DD1 is targetted grades 8 and 9 in all her subject and was pretty disappointed to get a 7 in her mock exam for her favourite subject. Thankfully, her subject teacher gave her a good talking to and, in the nicest possible way, told her to get a grip and a sense of perspective! He also reassured her that she's still on track, but even if she does get a 7 instead of an 8 or a 9, all the doors that are still open to her will still be open.

It's down to you to constantly reinforce at home that she is being educated in a very strange little bubble and that in the rest of the world, people do extremely well with results that would not be celebrated at her school. And by all means tip off the school that she's feeling the pressure, if you have any confidence that they will be supportive. I know that DD1's head of year is keeping an eye out for competitive, high achieving students who are at risk of buckling under the pressure and he's been very helpful about setting up sessions to talk about stress and coping strategies, alongside all the revision workshops etc.

Pengggwn · 23/01/2018 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morphene · 23/01/2018 17:36

why is it the job of parents to unpick and attempt to negate the huge pressure applied by schools? Why not avoid applying the pressure in the first place?

In other news I keep wondering why it is the job of universities/industry to unpick all the gendered bullshit schools promote, rather than getting some unconscious bias training where it might do some good eg. in primary schools....

Tippexy · 23/01/2018 17:40

Aren't examination results public information?

HipNewName · 23/01/2018 17:42

I think that how you talk to her about it will help. With my high achieving DD, we talked about creating our own definition of "success", about not always needing to "win." The truth is that the announcement is a few seconds out of her life that most people will forget because they will be so focused on themselves, not her.

And it sounds like she will have excellent results, even if she doesn't have 9A*s, and helping her see and accept that will give her something that she'll really be able to take on with her. After all, this is NOT the last time that she'll be throwing her hat into the ring with other high achievers, not sure where she'll land. How you handle this could impact her choices of what to go for over the next few years. Do you really want to teach her to only go for things that she is 100% sure she can achieve, or do you want her to know that she can take risks?

I reiterate to my DD that we love her unconditionally. She doesn't have to achieve anything to be worthy of love and belonging. None the less, she is wired for struggle. Pushing ourselves to see what we can do is part of the "fun" of life. Not because we have to get something in order to be "OK," but because it is exciting to push ourselves. If we never risk anything, we never get the thrill of sometimes reaching a tough goal.

AccrualIntentions · 23/01/2018 17:42

What's the point of a prize for a set of grades that two thirds of the girls will achieve? Or have I misread and you mean two or three?

I do agree with the pp who says she may be putting pressure on herself anyway. I got 9 A*s at my state comp and cried my eyes out about the 2 As.

5plusMeAndHim · 23/01/2018 17:43

I think it is a bit churlish to begrudge recognition being given to top achievers.
Tell your DD to get a grip and that she can't expect to be the best at everything.

Tippexy · 23/01/2018 17:43

Aren't they a matter of public record, I mean.

BrownTurkey · 23/01/2018 17:44

I think it would be fair to point out to the school that they are ‘part of the problem’ as regards stress and mental health, and ask them to let you know how they might address this. For instance, they could provide an opportunity to students/their parents to opt out of this ‘prize’. Of course, results are somewhat public anyway, but at least then people might be choosing not to be in it on ideological grounds.

extinctspecies · 23/01/2018 17:46

Surely they will need a different system this year as many of the subjects are changing to numbered grades?

AChickenCalledKorma · 23/01/2018 17:46

Pengggwyn you are spot on. We've just actively avoided a sixth form which prides itself on its relentless focus on results, because the way they described their methods made it quite clear that the students were placed under a huge amount of pressure from the minute they entered year 12.