AIBU to want to get a poop knife?

[123bananas]

I know that loo brushes are spawn of satan's crutches on here, but how do you lot feel about poop knives?

AIBU to want one?

You really need to read an article to fully understand this thread. There is a reddit link above for anti shit rag people. Apologies for earlier link.

I don't have one but I can see that occasionally they might be useful!

One time after a bout of constipation it cleared at a friends house and gave birth to the biggest poo log ever known to come out of a woman's bottom. So much pain.

That wouldn't flush. Nee friend and I didn't feel able to go out and say... Found a pair of biggish scissors in the bathroom. Used those to chop up the log and managed to get it flushed.

Washed the scissors but then wrapped in a plastic bag and binned them. Never told her! She probably wonders where her scissors went.

I read it on buzzfeed but he doesn’t go into technique...

True, are you meant to stab it, mix it, chop it or slash it?

See I invented the prototype of this with my 3 wooden bbq skewer version (aka poo sticks) One isn’t tough enough, two barely but 3 will chop the bugger into flush friendly pieces. However I then solved the problem completely by giving up gluten and now have no more rock hard, enormous, sticky, stinky, unflushable horrors to grapple with, thus rendering my poo sticks redundant.

Slice.

123bananas i utilised the stab and chop technique

Poop knives are so 2016. All the hipsters are using potato mandolins these days.

It's to do with the shape of American toilet bowls and how they flush. They're not the same as ours. It's why they all have plungers right next to the loo aswell. Badly designed porcelain thrones 😁

saucy now if only I’d still needed a poo dispatcher, a potato mandolin would have made short work of a recalcitrant stool.

It's to do with the shape of American toilet bowls and how they flush. They're not the same as ours. It's why they all have plungers right next to the loo aswell. Badly designed porcelain thrones

@TrinitySquirrel yeah they have like a shelf thing! So strange - its like "here is your shit, in all its glory"

Fluffy German loos have a shelf too. I hate seeing my poo so up close and personal and all laid out like it’s on a plate.

Poop ricer... I’m sure some MNs would still run it through the dishwasher 🤢

A shelf? That doesn’t sound sensible. German design is normally so efficient. Is there a shelf purpose or it it just to display your produce if you wish?

Maybe it is a chopping board rather than a shelf to allow perfect chopping up of poop.

Whatever next? A spralizer?

As for the poop knife, I dread to think what would happen if someone mistook it for a tongue scraper.

spiralizer

This thread has had me in stitches laughing! However, in all seriousness there is clearly a market for poop knives!

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/09/05/woman-rescued-fire-brigade-trying-retrieve-poo-date-mishap/

I seem to remember reading about this on here, I think on a poop confessions thread! If I remember right then OP you could trademark the idea and sell all different types of poop knives, portable for the likes of the lady in the link!

middleclassproblem as far as I know it’s form display purposes
.

Hahaha, my parents used to have a poo knife... As a special industrial plunger.

*and

Dutch toilets have an inspection shelf too. My kids hated it.

My German grandmother has a shit-on-a-shelf toilet. She reckoned it was so people could inspect their turds for to identify potentialhealth problems.

I'm in north America. None of my toilets have shit shelves.

Same here. I think the weird inward bulge our toilets have at the front is to try and avoid peeing noises or something. Certainly doesn't have any use vis-a-vis poo unless it's making a good spot for skiddies.

Many moons ago, in the house where I often stayed with my ex, one of his housemates visitors poo’d and it wouldn’t go. It was gross. I ended up shoving it with the loo brush and flushing many times. Ewwww.