How to deal with this MIL situation

[cafcesque]

So my MIL casually mentioned that she had started doing my dad's family tree.
My dad died 4 years ago and never met my MIL. Also my dad had gone NC with his family. I never knew them they were not interested in me or my sibling.

I told her I wasn't interested and not to mention it to my mum as it would really upset her. She couldn't understand and went on about it for a bit. I just said look you can't pick your family can you?

I think that was it. But it's now eating away at me. I don't want her nosing into my family. I know that my dad had another family (much older than me) but there was complete break of ties with them and I don't want MIL finding all this out. It's none of her business.
How can I reiterate with her to not do any more investigation without it be becoming a big thing? Should I ask dp to have a word (He knows the whole story)?

I have done some work on my family and have traced them back to the late 1600s. I find it fascinating to see the old census records and find out what jobs they did, when they got married, etc. However, it would have been impossible without a fair amount of information including vague possible facts and half-remembered stories from my mother. I doubt she will get far with just your DoB, unless you come from a family with really unusual names.

I love history and have a copy of my grandpa and granny’s family tree, my mums parents are Irish so there is more of a problem getting that info I didn’t realise I was being a strange and nosy bitch, I even started my late dh family tree

Thing is, you can't tell her not to do it. Anyone can research anyones family tree, they don't need your permission to do it.

A 'friend' of my GP did ancestry research on their families off her own bat, and then spread rumours about what she says she found, never showing GP the material. It was a shame because she got loads wrong from trying to make a story out of just a list of dates and addresses.

She is an inadequate person who's always looking for a way to get information she thinks will be to her advantage. I think this motivates people like your MIL in the same way, and it's shabby. Life without your MIL in it will probably be blissful.

You can tell her that you are uncomfortable with this and find it overly intrusive, and I can see why you feel like this, but in the end you can't stop her trying.

She might or might not get very far, but some of her main sources of information, such as the register of births, deaths and marriages, are matters of public record so you can't actually stop her looking there. If she strikes lucky then she could get a fair old way on her own.

Weird and rude. Awful that you had to argue with her about it and that you don't feel confident she won't go ahead and do it anyway. Honestly, what's wrong with some people?

Some people are just really interested in family history. Some MILs would have thought that they were doing a nice thing and demonstrating that they consider their DIL and grandchildren part of the family.

Unless she has form for malice, I don't think it's great to assume this is malicious. But it's not unreasonable to tell her you don't want her to do it, either.