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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not admit I can’t do my job...

64 replies

Namechangejobproblem · 22/01/2018 00:11

I love my job. It’s perfect for me... on paper. Obviously I had interviews and a rigorous selection process and got the role. But in order to ‘start’, there’s a lot of things to arrange and put in place. And I can’t do them. I don’t have the relevant skills or qualifications.

But my husband does.

He thinks it’s fine to just do these things for me for the first few months, knowing that I can then do the role I was hired for. In theory.

WIBU to do this? Everything after set up is completely what I’m good at. (And what the interviews covered.) and they are Very happy with the work my DH is doing

OP posts:

halfwitpicker · 22/01/2018 00:48

I can tell this one a mile off.

Your DH is ace at excel and has set up a load of super awesome spreadsheets so all you have to do is input the numbers yourself?

Original poster

Namechangejobproblem · 22/01/2018 00:51

No, not excel! I’m pretty good at excel

OP posts:

Battleax · 22/01/2018 00:58

They didn't ask you about the the relevant skills and qualifications at interview?!

parklives · 22/01/2018 00:59

First of all, pretty relieved the job wasn't airline pilot or surgeon etc!
If your dh can train you up sharpish and you can get away with it until you can fully do the job then go for it.
I heard on the radio recently that if a woman reads a 10 point job spec and she can't do 1 or 2 of those things she doesn't apply for the job, on the other hand, if a man can only do 1 or 2 of the things listed they will apply for the job/promotion.
I can't see the harm in what your doing to be honest, so many companies aren't willing to invest in training for their staff and expect employees to be able to do everything from day one with no development time, just crazy.

VladmirsPoutine · 22/01/2018 01:01

Crack on. If what you say is 100% true then someone from the hiring team should be fired. If it's a requisite skill then it should have been mentioned somewhere. What would you have done if your DH didn't know how to help?

Aquamarine1029 · 22/01/2018 01:03

It's difficult to imagine what it is that you can't handle. What aspects of this job are so challenging? Also, your husband helping while educating you or simply doing it all for you are two very different things.

RhodaBorrocks · 22/01/2018 01:08

Is it something like Access queries or databases OP? When I interviewed for my job they asked had I used access databases before so I said yes. When I started it turned out they wanted me to design queries and databases which I hadn't done before. Luckily I was a whizz at everything else so I asked my boss to coach me through the things he wanted me to do and took meticulous notes. After a few times doing it from the notes I was able to do it myself and even show others.

If you can do most stuff and were honest in your interview I'd say learn from your DH as fast as possible and then enjoy your job!

halfwitpicker · 22/01/2018 01:11

Ha!

that's what I did because I'm terrible at it

lostpigeon · 22/01/2018 01:17

you are sacked.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 22/01/2018 01:21

Listen to your DH.

He’s able & happy to help & once you get past this stage your in the area where your skills are necessary.

It’s really no big deal.

I taught my friend a ‘technical skill set’ years ago, but she was still learning when she landed a much needed job, so via email & phone I coached her through a lot of her new job. She’s doing really really well now because she picked it up quickly & had the other skills necessary for longevity in the job (more patience with fuckwits than I & most other people have for starters 😂).

The jobs is being done, don’t worry about it.

elsmokoloco · 22/01/2018 06:31

Let your DH guide you through step-by step, take notes. You will have done the work, learned the process and no longer be unqualified. It's that simple.

greendale17 · 22/01/2018 06:43

They didn't ask you about the the relevant skills and qualifications at interview?!

^I simply don’t believe this.

divadee · 22/01/2018 07:05

I do this with excel. My other half used to teach excel and I am basic at best. I get him to design amazing spreadsheets and then I just input daily figures

Thermowoman · 22/01/2018 07:12

Rhoda the same thing happened to me. I was recruited as a temp as I had no local experience (I'd just moved countries). They asked me some vague bollocks about did I have any experience with databases, and I said yes of course!. I didn't realise they wanted me to manage the whole enormous thing!I learned bloody fast though and they made me perm with a nice pay rise soon after! .

Coddiwomple · 22/01/2018 07:34

that if a woman reads a 10 point job spec and she can't do 1 or 2 of those things she doesn't apply for the job
I am in recruitment, and I can promise you that it is simply not true! (unfortunately)

They didn't ask you about the the relevant skills and qualifications at interview?!
Sounds a bit odd but not impossible unfortunately, if someone was focused too much on the end result and not the set up. It's strange that no-one checked how you were organising the set up, but is it possible that because your DH is doing it, the company assumes you can do it?

Its very difficult to answer without details. Expecting a proficient user of something and a designer are 2 different things and it's obvious they have nothing to do with each other. If it's an organisational aspect, a user should be able to create them in the first place.
I would love to know what this is all about.

Oblomov18 · 22/01/2018 07:48

I don't understand how this has happened. Seriously.

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 22/01/2018 08:11

OP I think I understand. I am a bioinformatician. I know my science, I can do the actual work the project requires, but I have blagged my way through tonnes of technical stuff in the 25 years I've done this work.

I don't know where you are in your career, but I am at a stage where I feel confident and secure enough to be honest about these things.

I've said that I would be willing and able to learn all the background set up stuff, but actually if someone is able to support me I would prefer that. In my field there is always someone who just loves to do this stuff, and I don't.

I think it's a bit tricky for you to say all these things now, you should have said it at the very start.

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 22/01/2018 08:13

I do think you need to be honest with them now.

thatstoast · 22/01/2018 08:19

Sounds fine to me. Or if it wasn't in the job description you could probably risk saying you need further training on this part of the job.

Slartybartfast · 22/01/2018 08:32

i think you shoudl wing it, you will ask for help, let dh guide you

jellycat1 · 22/01/2018 08:32

As long as you really do work on picking this stuff up then I'd say it's fine and pretty normal to have some learning as the start of a new job. Obviously it's all relative....if you're a pilot or a surgeon....not so much!

whiskyowl · 22/01/2018 08:46

If you won't have to use those skills again, except at the outset, I think it's totally fine to accept help. Good luck on your new role!

Viviennemary · 22/01/2018 08:59

It's not cheating in a exam or claiming to be an author of a book you didn't write. Just do it. Sometimes needs must. And this is one of those times.

ReelingLush18 · 22/01/2018 09:03

When I started my last job (working from home too) DH was super-helpful in assisting me get up to speed with various techy aspects of the role. He is super-skilled and taught me loads very quickly. However, I soon got up to speed and could do everything myself within a matter of weeks.

Personally, I think if one has a good brain and is a quick learner it's totally acceptable to wing it initially in such a role.

Good luck, OP.

Yellowjello · 22/01/2018 09:05

Fine if it's IT skills you can pick up. Not great if it's a job involving lots of driving and you haven't got a driving licence.

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