AIBU to put in a complaint about my HV?

[Queenofthestress]

Okay, so I've always had a few issues with my health visitor. In a nutshell they are;
She has repeatedly said that DS doesn't have additional needs, it's all in my head apparently
Commented on the fact that I'm recieving DLA for him and she thinks I shouldn't be, nearly every meeting since it was awarded
Thinks that I'm either doing drink/drugs or have mental health issues because she's seen me looking 'untidy' on the school run, - she's specifically said that in a report to school
she is repeatedly insistant that she thinks I've got mental health issues, even though both school, paeds, my doctors and every other bugger and their mother has said that I'm fine and present no outward signs of mental issues.
Told school she thinks I'm giving my drug using, alcoholic ex unsupervised access to DD even though I have specifically told her twice I wasn't, the latest time was the friday before a school meeting were all of us were meant to be present on the monday after (she never attended, like usual)
During the meeting at school she sent a list of concerns that were 8+ months old, some of them dating back to before I was pregnant with DD, so a good two years old yet she sent them as if they were current concerns even though I only saw her once in the entirety of 2017
Said that she doesn't think I understand the pead reports because I use the words out of the report in conversation and she thinks I'm parroting them without understanding, even though she knows for a fact that I've been doing this since DS was 18 months

I just really really dislike her, every single visit (the once in 2017 when DD was 4 months, she's now just over 1) for the past two years atleast she's gone on about my mental health and how she thinks I've got issues because I accessed mental health services when I was 16 after my head was used as a ping pong ball between a railing and a wall by my best friend since I was 3.

I've never given her any reason to be concerned, never accessed mental health services since I was 16, occasionally I look a bit messy but I have a 4 year old with an obsession with running his hands in your hair no matter whats on his hands.

Would IBU to complain to PALS about her?

Verbena Midwives are nurses. They are nurses who have gone on to midwifery, health visitors are nurses who have gone on to hv's.

OP, I would decline the health visiting service now, without complaining. She sounds vindictive and has the power to cause all sorts of problems. Complaining is a bit dangerous with professionals like these, I've been there. Stay clear and be thankful you can just get rid and move on.

Falmer some midwives are nurses but most nowadays are not.
I myself was a training midwife....I was not a nurse. You do not have to be a nurse to be a midwife.

Nurses who now swap to midwifery have to do a shorter 18month course to gain their midwifery degree.

Oh, I thought trained midwives were nurses.

Midwives are nurses. They are nurses who have gone on to midwifery

Nope. Their training is entirely separate now.

I put in a complaint about our HV.

Apart from outdated advice, not listening to concerns I had, poor recording of meetings etc It ended with a formal apology from the head of the HV service, the HV was sent on retraining which then escalated the evidence for her lack of ability to follow current advice and not sprout her own special type of advice, she was disciplined and left the service.

There are occasions where HVs are in the wrong.

MW are not nurses. The MW I work with look down their noses at nurses. A quote from a colleague, “ I’m not just a nurse, I’m a MW”. This is why women have such shit care in post natal. The MW don’t want to nurse or care for women after the baby is born. Not glamorous enough.

She also threatened to "report me to SS for not engaging"

Well she picked the wrong person to sprout that crap to. As a senior safeguarding officer she really didn't have a leg to stand on when I asked her what triggers and flags she had to raise with them.

Just thinking about it now makes my blood boil 😡

deffo put in a complaint because if she continues to make things up about you or exaggerate things then you need evidence that she has form for doing that.
You can refuse to see a health visitor at all but maybe in your circumstances that would feed into her accusations. I would ask again to change health visitors though. You need one who supports and helps you not one who undermines you and wants to bring you down

I'm due a visit from her on Wednesday, I was thinking that I would see how it goes, if she brings up any of the out dated concerns or my mental health or DLA after the concerns she apparently had were addressed in the Monday meeting with school then I would change my health visitor or tell them that as I am now engaging with the family hub service I am opting out of the health visiting service. As far as I know the family hub service does near enough the same job as in supporting me with DS's potting training and the like

I reckon that sounds reasonable, then they can't say I'm not engaging with anyone for the issues I have, because I'm just engaging with a different service, one that seems to be able to do a better job with the things I need help in

I wouldn’t even see her on Wednesday. You know she won’t let the issues go. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I can't see her Wednesday now, DS has come out in chicken pox, which works out well for me because I'm going to send the letter requesting a different hv today haha

Good for you .
Hope your DS isn’t too itchy!

I don't think he recognizes that he should be itchy lol he's just poking them and asking what's that bless him

So I've sent off the letter, let's see if she if she turns up next Thursday!

I’m A H /V in a large team . If a similar aged child is under multiple specialist services and nursery then our contact v minimal unless social care involved . If there were mental health issues & child over 1 we would signpost on .
In response to other posts , our practice is very much evidence based . Half of the team i work with are also trained mental health nurses with years of experience . Like in any profession / job there are those whose practice isnt great . Again in my area , we are commissioned so all contacts reviewed regularly through caseload monitoring and supervision . I’m sorry you are having such a bad time .

It all started when she didn't believe me that he was delayed so I had to go to a different hv to get him referred, there's definitely no social services involved, and I really don't know where she's got all the other stuff from as I've had plenty of professionals in and out the house and shes the only one

OP, hope ds is feeling better. Sorry you're going through this with hv. I had a similar thing with a sw so know how you feel. As if it's not difficult enough with sn child as it is and a baby too? It's a shame because it sounds as if you're doing really well otherwise, you've got the ball rolling and accessed all the right help for ds. You should feel really proud of yourself, yet here you are being insulted and dragged down by this unprofessional, bizarre hv! Our sw didn't believe our ds was autistic, even though he went to autistic nursery and then attended autistic school!! She decided in her "professional" opinion that he should go to mainstream and the battle that followed was a nightmare! That's why I said earlier, don't complain just get rid and move on. You can do that with the hv service because it's not mandatory, you can't do it with a sw if ever they have "concerns". I know other posters have advised you to complain and of course, it's your decision. It's so upsetting when professionals make false reports or wrongly judge you, isn't it? Do you have a dh or dp (don't think you've mentioned) or family support? Again, sorry you're going through this, you sound like a really good mum. Keep strong

Sorry, I've just seen that you ended it with dp, I'd forgotten. Just read through it all again (I'm getting old )

I remember you commenting on my thread many moons ago about ending it with dp because he was verbally abusive, a drunk and a druggie @Falmer haha
I do have a fantastic family network, and lots input from school so I don't know where she's getting off on this, I am go in to complain and I've sent a letter getting rid so hopefully she gets the message!