AIBU to put in a complaint about my HV?

[Queenofthestress]

Okay, so I've always had a few issues with my health visitor. In a nutshell they are;
She has repeatedly said that DS doesn't have additional needs, it's all in my head apparently
Commented on the fact that I'm recieving DLA for him and she thinks I shouldn't be, nearly every meeting since it was awarded
Thinks that I'm either doing drink/drugs or have mental health issues because she's seen me looking 'untidy' on the school run, - she's specifically said that in a report to school
she is repeatedly insistant that she thinks I've got mental health issues, even though both school, paeds, my doctors and every other bugger and their mother has said that I'm fine and present no outward signs of mental issues.
Told school she thinks I'm giving my drug using, alcoholic ex unsupervised access to DD even though I have specifically told her twice I wasn't, the latest time was the friday before a school meeting were all of us were meant to be present on the monday after (she never attended, like usual)
During the meeting at school she sent a list of concerns that were 8+ months old, some of them dating back to before I was pregnant with DD, so a good two years old yet she sent them as if they were current concerns even though I only saw her once in the entirety of 2017
Said that she doesn't think I understand the pead reports because I use the words out of the report in conversation and she thinks I'm parroting them without understanding, even though she knows for a fact that I've been doing this since DS was 18 months

I just really really dislike her, every single visit (the once in 2017 when DD was 4 months, she's now just over 1) for the past two years atleast she's gone on about my mental health and how she thinks I've got issues because I accessed mental health services when I was 16 after my head was used as a ping pong ball between a railing and a wall by my best friend since I was 3.

I've never given her any reason to be concerned, never accessed mental health services since I was 16, occasionally I look a bit messy but I have a 4 year old with an obsession with running his hands in your hair no matter whats on his hands.

Would IBU to complain to PALS about her?

how old are you now op

I'm 23 now, it's been a good 7 years since I had any mental health issues, and that was social anxiety, she's tried to access my medical records at the hospital mental health team but was declined because I was a minor at the time, I didn't even know she could do that

I think I wont decline the service altogether, just request a different health visitor, through a letter as some PP have said, that might be my best option

sounds like a good plan op

The health visitor might be registered with the NMC - there's an online register you can check. If their manager refuses to take a complaint seriously then you can complain to the NMC. I personally would try what hatgirl suggested.
Or as others have suggested, refuse to see a HV if you don't find it helpful.

So you are getting DLA for him despite no diagnosis? Not doubting you I just didn't know that was possible.

My DD is 1. We have had her 1 year review and there has been no mention of any more appointments. I think there might be one in a year or so? Not sure. I can take her to a weigh clinic if I want to but that's it.

What reason is she giving you for the visits? They don't sound routine based on my (very limited) experience.

@5plusMeAndHim DLA is paid on care needs not diagnosis. So if you can prove a child has significant car needs over and above another child the same age that is the qualifier.

Refuse her services. Hv are not mandatory. We told ours to piss off.

There's definitely more to this. I haven't seen my Hv since baby was 10 days old. No concerns were raised.

So you are getting DLA for him despite no diagnosis? Not doubting you I just didn't know that was possible.

It is possible yes.

op is rightly not refusing services.

Write a letter advising you will not longer be accepting visits due to refusal to change HV send it to them via post and email and send a copy to your gp so the HV team is not the only health professional to recieve it. Send it recorded delivery for good measure.

Make sure it's clear you are refusing the service due to her treatment of you and her managers refusal to change your HV.

In my experience my HV has been crap and useless for ds1 she gave me crap ridiculous advice and ds2 she showed up 3 times before 4 months then never heard a peep again. My friend who had her dd1 at the same time I had ds1 was a 21 year old single mum and had the HV constantly up her ass dispite coping amazingly her baby was an angel so easy she had loads of family yet she was still marked as a concern, meanwhile I was left to my own devices drowning with a high needs baby and undiagnosed PND but I was 25 with a partner so was told to use my instincts and it would all be fine.

DLA prior to diagnosis is totally normal as diagnosis often takes so long. It is based on care needs. So my dd was awarded it prior to getting her ASD diagnosis yet other children are decline despite already having a diagnosis because their care needs aren't as great. A label does not automatically make you eligible either.

OP I can understand why you don't want to withdraw from the service but I think a politely worded letter explaining your complaints and making it clear that that particular HV will not be allowed back into your home will hopefully spur them on to allocating you a new one. Would changing GP help? In my area they are attached to a GP surgery rather than a geographical area.

DS has global developmental delay so our health visitor came for the more than routine appointments to track his development, I have no idea why she carried on coming after we were referred to paeds,
I've seen her once last year, she was meant to come to the meeting at school but never showed

She wants to come more because for some reason shes under the impression that I have mental health issues purely based on the fact that I accessed them years ago, she's even sent that in a report to the school senco

I would also decline the service.

I would politely tell the HV to jog on. Even if you had “ mental health issues” she wouldn’t be the person who would help you. The six week course sounds like an excuse the stick her nose in at any and all times to gather trumped up “evidence” to prove her theories about you. She sounds dangerous and unprofessional. Stay away from her.

I would be declining.
I had terrible experiences both times with health visitors, one telling me not to feed my non verbal autistic child until he asked 'cos that would soon make him talk'
And the other for my dd for hoping she did catch the autism too 🤔 she was promptly asked to leave never to be seen again.

I would however be concerned with the drugs/drink accusation, no smoke without fire? If there is any truth at all to that it needs to be addressed.

You’re entitled I believe to go to any hi drop in so try, if you’re needing to take your DD, to go to one where she won’t be attending. Get your dd weighed or whatever, then decline the other HV....who is being totally unprofessional.

Whilst you don’t want to make it seem as though you’re hiding anything, you are quite within your rights to either decline HV visits altogether (they’re not mandatory) or ask for a new HV if you still need contact.

What the current HV is doing is bullying. She is going completely against other professional services you have already accessed and saying you have mental health issues and are using drugs.

Whilst you could just do all the above and decline her visits, she sounds so devious and incompetent, I feel you should make a formal complaint so that other parents are not met with the same incompetence.

She is a health visitor. That means she is a trained nurse who has gone on to do a degree in health visiting. It does not mean she is a trained psychologist with a background in assessing and diagnosis mental health disorders, social care or drug abuse! But she obviously thinks she is.

I hope you get correct support for your son. You sound really on the ball with it all and a good mum who is trying to get the best help for her children.

She told the school SENCO that you accessed MH services as a child?
Surely that breaks all sorts of patient confidentiality rules!

The only thing I do is smoke, I don't drink or do drugs, my ex did, he concealed it pretty well until I found out and got the police to remove him from the house, she knows this is the reason I ended it with DD's father

queenofthestress smoking is not a crime and she knows that.
Her behaviour isn’t professional and I’m glad youve said further up thread that you’ll write and request a different HV.

Their involvement isn't compulsory. I'd just stop accessing the service. Once you are in the system for a hospital managed condition for your son, your GP can refer for other things. Even the school SENCO can ask for a referral. My experience is that the useful agencies are the ones to keep - otherwise your son's condition has too broad an input from those who have self interest, rather than your son's interests at heart. People who have input into your son need to have objectivity, not their own blinkered views. Otherwise they won't give him the support you need.
My son had a congenital condition and my HV was useless - I had all the concerns, did all the research and got the referral from the GP which led on to diagnosis and hospital management from there until now - 17 years later.
When my daughter was born, I saw her once when she came to the house after I had come home from giving birth. I never saw her again - didn't take my daughter to be weighed, etc. My daughter is fine and is 100% healthy. She saw me a few months ago and asked about my son. When I said my daughter was also fine, she said she couldn't remember me having one!

What is it with HV training and comprehension and supervision that allows this rubbish to flourish ? Seems like nursing by gosssip and superstition not evidence based practice

There needs to be a total overhaul of the health visiting system. They do not use enough evidence based research in their practice. Obviously it’s not every health visitor but there needs to be much better up to date training...particularly for HV’s who are older and who haven’t perhaps covered more modern best practices.

I still have no idea why a health visitor needs to have been a nurse prior to doing a HV degree. Midwives don’t and they have more hands on, medical responsibility with all of the potential fallout from malpractice.