Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP has left me and I can't get over it.

32 replies

theveryhungrycaterpilla · 20/01/2018 19:34

Tale as old as time really.
DP (now ExDP I suppose) left me a few months ago. But he still comes round about once a week and we sleep together and act like we're still a couple. When we first split I know he was seeing other people but don't think he is anymore.

I feel so shit, like why do I sleep with him? He's a prick.

Also worth mentioning I'm 28 wks pregnant with his baby. He wants to be involved, as involved as possible. I'm happy with that but worried about the impact it's going to have on myself because I don't know where I stand with him. I've tried asking and it doesn't get very far. I know he hasn't got a clue what he wants, and I'm not helping myself still sleeping with him.

Don't really know what I'm looking for here. I know I sound so selfish. Just feel awful after he's left and so worthless and confused.

Ughhhhh

OP posts:
helpmum2003 · 20/01/2018 19:38

I'm so sorry to hear this OP.

Have you told anyone in RL? Then you would get support and I think it would be easier not to sleep with him.

Please don't sleep with him and get an STI check.

Tapandgo · 20/01/2018 19:38

Sorry to be blunt but unless you start to put up barriers against him using you at his convenience, he will continue to do it. Seriously ~ don’t let yourself be walked over, focus on you and your pregnancy.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 20/01/2018 19:41

Stop sleeping with him for a start. If you're not sure where you stand with him, sleeping together does not help practically or emotionally. You need to pin him down to answer and set some boundaries accordingly. Realising that you need to establish rules and routines for parenting and being an involved dad might get you the answer you want. Other posters with more experience will be along to offer guidance as to where to go from there, I'm sure, but Flowers

ReluctantlyRedundant101 · 20/01/2018 19:42

You need to stop sleeping with him he's using you! (But you know that anyway)
You will have to carve out a life for yourself and the baby when it comes so start thinking about that now. Where will you live and will he be involved (financially or otherwise)?
If you start picturing a life without him you can start making better choices as to whether YOU actually want him around rather than letting him call the shots.
Do you have other family support?
Flowers for you too - it can't be easy

Pengggwn · 20/01/2018 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MatildaTheCat · 20/01/2018 19:44

You don’t sound selfish but he most definitely does.

Please protect yourself and stop seeing him weekly for sex. He’s leaving you time after time. You say you don’t know where you stand. I, so sorry but I think you do. You stand far, far down his list of stupid priorities.

Talk to someone in RL and get support. Stop all communication and stop meeting as of now. It’s the only way to regather your tattered self esteem and get ready for a very important person coming into your life.

Lastly, if he treats you like this he is very likely to be a shit dad who messes around with his child. So take control and stop letting him decide what happens. Be the boss of this horrid situation. Post on relationships for ongoing support by nice, concerned people.

Best wishes.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 20/01/2018 19:44

Yes you definitely need to stop sleeping with him, you'll never get over him if you don't.
He doesn't need to come to your house at all, you have a while yet until the baby arrives-use that time to create distance. When the baby is here you need to have an agreement for contact but that is it. You owe him nothing.

IfNot · 20/01/2018 19:53

Sometimes, usually when you are under 30, you will have a relationship which is really really bad for you. They will damage your self worth so much, and make you so isolated, that you will feel like they are the only person who can make you feel better.
The thing is, in reality it's all an illusion. It's a confidence trick.
He makes everything worse.
Unfortunately you are going to have a baby with this person, which is unfortunate, but what you need to understand is that this baby will become your priority, and the toxic twat who is using you will become merely an annoying thorn in your side for about 18 years.
So. The best thing you can do for yourself and your child is to shift your focus NOW, from this co -dependent nightmare to an ok future in which you are a responsible parent.
That's it really. Sorry, it's going to hurt, for a bit. But you're a mum now, so you can take it. Good luck.

Idontdowindows · 20/01/2018 19:55

Don't let him in the house.
Don't go to his house.
If you're not in the same house as he is, it's much harder for sex to happen.

As it stands now, you're just someone he can have sex with whenever he feels like it.

supersop60 · 20/01/2018 19:56

Having his cake and eating it.
OP please look after yourself.

PhuntSox · 20/01/2018 19:59

Tell him you wont be in as you have a date. Be kind to yourself. By still seeing him you are prolonging the healing process.

Oldraver · 20/01/2018 19:59

No ones mentioned it yet so I will. If he is sleeping with other people then I suggest you get an STI test soon

maygirl27 · 20/01/2018 20:01

Cut off contact with him. You need to be more selfish for your sake and that of your unborn child. You know he's using you so don't give him that chance. As others have said please stop sleeping with him and it might be an idea to have an STI check. All the best OP.

WeirdAndPissedOff · 20/01/2018 20:02

So he's getting the best of all worlds right now? He's a "free agent", doesn't have to contribute emotionally, financially or practically to the relationship or household but can pop round for a shag whenever he feels like it? That's where you stand.
And meanwhile he's using you and walking over you to the detriment of your self-esteem and ability to move on. If he really still loved you he wouldn't be willing to do that.

You have my full sympathy for the situation you've ended up in, and I hope you're able to move forward. Flowers
But for your sake and the future DC, you need to make a clean break as soon as possible.

You can make it! WineFlowers

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 20/01/2018 20:05

Oh OP I really feel for you. You need space from him ASAP. Don’t see him contact him or anything else him until the baby is born. Block him for now if you have to.

Honestly he’s a using, nasty cunt and you and your baby deserve so much better than this. Not to mention he’s putting your sexual health at risk (let alone the baby’s health) with his behaviour. Because I bet that you’re not the only person he’s having sex with.

AuntMabel · 20/01/2018 20:06

He left. He doesn't get the choice to need to come around at all. He has no power over you, other than what you allow yourself to think he does.

You need to focus on yourself and your baby, this stress is no good for either of you. Only the scummiest of lowlife bastards would put a pregnant woman through what he's doing to you. Take the power back, say no.

He is not a nice person, you are worth so much more than this.

MrsBobDylan · 20/01/2018 20:06

He doesn't need to tell you where you stand with words, sadly his shitty actions speak loudly enough.

You are carrying his child and he is using you for sex. He is horrible and you deserve - and will find when the time is right - someone million times better than him.

Tell him no, close the door and concentrate on looking after yourself and your little baby.

ThisLittleKitty · 20/01/2018 20:06

No ones mentioned it yet so I will. If he is sleeping with other people then I suggest you get an STI test soon

Literally the first poster said it.
Anyway what makes you think he isn't sleeping with other people anymore? I guarantee he is.

Mycashybear · 20/01/2018 20:07

please stop sleeping with him you are worth so much more. Please take care of yourself Flowers

CotswoldStrife · 20/01/2018 20:09

Do you already have children with this man, OP?

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 20/01/2018 20:11

Three words, cut all contact, let him stew.
At the moment inadvertently, you are allowing him control, he's having his cake and eating it. This needs to stop completely, in order to move forward.
What an absolute waste of space he is, you and your unborn child, are worth so very much more. Raise the bar Lovely 🌸

chickenowner · 20/01/2018 20:11

You poor thing.

Flowers

Please don't sleep with him again. He is making you feel worthless and preventing you from getting over him and moving on with your life.

At some point you will need to discuss things like maintenance and access - but I think give yourself some time without seeing him at all first. If necessary get some proper advice and set things up legally so you are protected.

And once again, do not sleep with him again!!

Allthewaves · 20/01/2018 20:11

You need to stop seeing him at all. Give yourself time to grieve. I wouldn't have him at the birth tbh - I'd have him outside and let him see baby once it's been born. I'd also be talking access now and how you see his involvement when the baby is small. You need to set the boundaries now as your going to be so much more vulnerable after birth.

ReluctantlyRedundant101 · 20/01/2018 20:24

Hope you are ok OP I imagine all this is hard to hear but it will all be put into perspective once the baby is here

BigBaboonBum · 20/01/2018 20:26

So he left you and he’s using you a wank hole?

Stop seeing him ASAP. You’re worth more than somebodies cum dumpster.

What a piece of shit he is.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread