Should I reach out or wait? Brother just had his baby

[ziggymarl]

Hey guys,

Need advice really.

Brother just had his baby the other day and after everything went well(thank god) they decided to text people to let everyone know.

Some b/g - I am also pregnant and not too far behind and suffering terribly from Hyperemesis, he or his wife hasn't once reached out to ask me how I am even though I always made sure I checked in with her on her pregnancy. The point I'm trying to make from this is that they seem to be in their own bubble of happiness which is totally understandable and I'm not that bothered that they haven't asked me.

However, when the baby was born they texted around and I heard this through the grapevine. I found it to be awkward that I wasnt told personally but regardless I sent a msg saying " Congrats! I heard the good news" etc...

Now my mum is badgering me and bollocking me as to why I am not rushing over to see them and that I'm being selfish, rude and being petty. And that other family have been around already and offering to do their food shops and cleaning etc...(other family being people who had received the text)

Am I in the wrong to want to wait for them to reach out to make it clear they would like people over? They haven't contacted me and I haven't felt close to them at all. With all the hormones, I do feel disheartened but I know that they are not wasting a minute worrying about me as they have a beautiful baby to think about! So why should I let my mum make me feel bad?

In the nicest possible way, I think you're making this about you and it isn't. As you will find out, when you have a baby you have no headspace to worry about the vague feelings of relatives, you are knackered and baby takes up 100% of your focus. Just be nice and text to ask when you can visit. And take cake/food when you do.

YBU,,,at all.
What does your mother expect you to do..being so far on in your pregnancy you must tired out especially with HG.

Can i just say,,,that phrase,,''reaching out '' makes me cringe,

Why does your mum think she can badger you, compare you unfavourably to "other family" and criticise you? You are an adult so why would she be so rude and interfering? Tell her you will make your own decisions and expect her to respect your right to do so.

"They are in the middle of pure unimaginable chaos and sleep deprivation, theycan probably barely remember their own names"

A bit of an overstatement

Bash street kid - I LOVE your diagram. May have to use that myself!