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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wwyd? Would you force her to go to ballet?

45 replies

StandardRussian66 · 20/01/2018 08:36

My 3 year old has been asking for months to go to ballet. I managed to book her her first 3 lessons as a trial and now she’s crying saying she doesn’t want to go. No reason why, she just doesn’t want to.
Would you make her go and try it? She’s always watching ballet lessons on her tablet and loves it.

OP posts:

grumpy4squash · 20/01/2018 08:37

What would be the point of forcing her? She's had the trial, doesn't like it. That's what trials are for.

Original poster

StandardRussian66 · 20/01/2018 08:39

No she hasn’t.

OP posts:

MissSueFlay · 20/01/2018 08:39

If she's not wanting to go even to the trial lesson then she's probably just a bit scared of the unknown. Take her along anyway and say you'll stay with her. DD didn't dance at all in her first lesson, just stood at the side and watched.

EllaHen · 20/01/2018 08:40

God, no. I'd be relieved. Very, very relieved.

Pengggwn · 20/01/2018 08:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Peppapogstillonaloop · 20/01/2018 08:41

I would encourage her to go along, with you, reassuring her you will stay etc and she can just watch. If she doesn’t want to do it after that then I wouldn’t force it. If she is properly resistant, ie you will be dragging her kicking and screaming I would leave it until she is a bit older. There is no rush for this kind of thing.

domesticslattern · 20/01/2018 08:43

I would take her to watch ("mummy wants to see what the hall is like then on the way home we will get a hot chocolate") but not force her to take part.

Lovelybigboots · 20/01/2018 08:43

I’ve had this with my four year old, although she did attend a bit. Really keen, bought the outfit and shoes etc, ‘Don’t like it mummy’ although she did when she got there. I don’t take her any more.

If your Dd hasn’t been before could you see if she’ll just watch? Otherwise leave it.

JustVent · 20/01/2018 08:44

She’s only three. I would take her ‘just to watch’ and tell her she doesn’t have have join in if she doesn’t want and see how it go goes. If she joins in then great!

SueGeneris · 20/01/2018 08:44

In my experience of having had three three-year-olds (not all at once) it's just a bit too young for formal classes of most things.

I took 3yo DS2 to a gymnastics trial the other week as he is very physical, great balance, always jumping, climbing etc, but while it was OK I just felt really he would enjoy soft play more!

I was also asked to leave ballet classes aged 3 as I just wanted to run up and down the hall and was distracting the other children.

I would save ballet classes for school age, personally- perhaps let her watch YouTube tutorials wearing ballet kit, so she can pretend and imagine, but without the constraints of having to learn?

CappuccinoCake · 20/01/2018 08:46

If leave it til 5!

thisagain · 20/01/2018 08:46

My 7 year old son does Tap, modern etc and every week there are children crying that they don't want to go. I can't imagine why they bring them week after week! 3 is v young. I think I'd either drop it or say let's just go to the first one to watch.

JackieReacher · 20/01/2018 08:48

She probably doesn't have any experience of what a "lesson" is so taking her to watch is a great idea. One of mine went swimming as her first lesson of any kind and was obsessed with the language around it / the role of the teacher - it fascinated her and she play acted it out for weeks on end - there s a lot more that's new than just the dancing (and therefore a lot more to gain benefit from)

Neolara · 20/01/2018 08:48

Yes, take her to watch. Read a bit of Angelina Ballerina. Abandon idea if she still doesn't want to go.

I took my dd to a ballet class. She enjoyed it. The following week she sat under a table watching the class and point blank refused to come out and join in. And so we didn't go again.

Quartz2208 · 20/01/2018 08:51

My DD yes I would I know she would be freaked out and scared and would warm up,once there. dS I wouldn’t as it was be a disaster

kalosrosea · 20/01/2018 08:52

My daughter wanted to go to ballet, then she didn’t want to go to her first lesson. Persisted with three attempts to be sure it wasn’t nerves it wasn’t. Four months on she does kick boxing and loves to go.

HidingFromTheWorld · 20/01/2018 08:53

Take her along to watch. She’s 3, she probably has no idea what she does and doesn’t want from one minute to the next.

My DD attended ballet classes from the age of 3 and loved it because it was all about ‘good toes, naughty toes’ and very gently introducing the fundamental aspects every ballerina needs to learn.

But it was very informal and nobody was forced to participate.

SolemnlySwear2010 · 20/01/2018 08:55

My 3 year okd has been at a ballet class since 18 months. It is not as formal as other ballet school but they still go through exams etc and she is now learning her dances for an upcoming show. She has also recently started tap class with the same teacher and she is really enjoying it

She used to have her moments of not wanting to go but i would take her anyway and she would have a fab time.

She loves it now and hates it if we ever need to miss a class.

SolemnlySwear2010 · 20/01/2018 08:56

HidingFromTheWorld i think we are talking about the same school. Especially with "good toes, naughty toes'

my2bundles · 20/01/2018 08:58

My child tried several fun activities age 3. At 3 they should be just fir fun. I never force him to stay n anything he didn't enjoy. It wasn't untill he was 7 that he became net rested in something enough to want to go every week and practise. He us 10 now and is dedicated to the 2 instruments he started learning age 7. He has also been involved in a sport for the last 2 years and loves it and is dedicated but any earlier than 7 is far to young. Let your 3 year old try things and have fun, she us far to young to force a child. I still don't force my 10 year old, he dies these things because he enjoys them.

flumpybear · 20/01/2018 09:01

No - stop now and try again later if she's still interested

PrincessHairyMclary · 20/01/2018 09:02

A lot of dance schools will let you stay and watch so do that. Dds dance school had mummy and me classes where you stayed and it wasn't really a structured ballet class more moving to music toddler group.

My DD started when she was 2.5 years old, she's now 8 she isn't really any better than those that started when they were 6 so there is no harm in waiting she made a lot of progression around 6-7 in lots of areas (swimming, bike riding and dance) but that makes sense as children's gross motor skills improve a lot at that age. However, as an only child it was great for her to have interaction with other children and is confident.

There have been days when she didn't want to go. She has always had the choice that at each half term she could drop or add any classes she wanted. But the classes are paid for and she has to go to them (unless I'll or injured) and crucially once she is there she enjoys it.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 20/01/2018 09:04

I'd ask if she just wants to go and watch but if not would just leave it. Mine have tried out several things and not enjoyed them but we never force participation.

Lots do though, I've seen chidren at clubs thoroughly miserable because their parents want them to be the next Darcy or Ronaldo or just want child free time so the children's feeling don't matter.

ittakes2 · 20/01/2018 09:06

I think you need to take her - she’s not tried it yet!! Tell her you will stay and watch.

Peopleplease · 20/01/2018 09:07

My 4 year old has just started ballet and she loves it. There are 2 sisters in her class - about 5 and 3. The youngest one pulls and shouts that she doesn’t want to go every lesson, the mum literally lifts and puts her in the room and then she spends most of the lesson crying. The older sister is a different issue - she jumps around and does her own thing despite what the teacher says - she ends up sitting out because she won’t follow instructions.

I just don’t see the point.

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