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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby sleeping in my arms

65 replies

Bananarama12 · 19/01/2018 22:00

I have a 10 week old DS who I co sleep with and he doesn't like his moses basket so in the day either naps on me or in the pram/carrier when out and about.
I haven't persevered with the moses basket because he wakes up and ruins his nap and then we have to start the whole getting to sleep cycle again.

My DP is now telling me it's not good for him to sleep in our arms and he needs to get used to sleeping by himself. We have had an argument because I think that's bloody ridiculous.

He may be my only child because I had a horrible pregnancy and not keen on doing it again so I want to enjoy his cuddles for as long as I can.

AIBU by refusing to keep trying to get him to sleep elsewhere???

OP posts:
LoopyLou1981 · 19/01/2018 22:21

Carry on with the cuddles and co-sleeping. My 10 month old now sleeps really well in her own cot so I promise you can’t spoil them with cuddles and you’ll be a happier mummy if you get some rest yourself xx

JeansAndANiceTop · 19/01/2018 22:22

I’ve just had to go and give DS a quick sniff and a kiss because of this thread

seasidelife · 19/01/2018 22:25

Make the most of every single second, it goes really fast!!!

user1471426142 · 19/01/2018 22:27

At this age it is lovely but the novelty might disappear once the baby needs longer stretches of sleep. From about 5 months to 10 months my baby would only nap during the day on me. My husband used to come back to me sitting in silence in the dark as I couldn’t move and risk waking her. Or I’d wake her up If i needed the loo or the doorbell rang. I loved the sleepy cuddles but it became untenable and she needed to learn how to use the cot. She is an amazing sleeper now though so it didn’t do any harm but it was v restrictive being stuck on the sofa for 3 hours a day while she napped. So I’d say enjoy it for now but be prepared for what that might look like in 7 months time if it becomes an ingrained habit. We found it v hard work to crack day time naps at 10/11 months and probably left it a bit too late.

WowserBowser · 19/01/2018 22:31

I still do it and DD is 15 months! I did it with DS until he was about 18 months and started taking for ever to nod off. He transitioned really quickly.

I love it

overduemamma · 19/01/2018 22:32

Mine and 3 and 10months and I miss the cuddles :( x

Imsorrynow · 19/01/2018 22:38

My oldest son is 30 now and I cherish the memories of those sleeping cuddles.
Life was too hectic for DS2 and DS3 to have the same undivided attention.
Make the most of it while you can OP, it won’t last forever.

BertieBotts · 19/01/2018 22:41

Oh it is so lovely when they sleep in your arms.

Only thing is safety concerns - if you're awake then no worries. If you're falling asleep too and it's not planned co-sleeping in a safe environment then this can be extremely risky, so make sure you don't do that.

You can change a habit when it becomes a problem - until then, they quite often grow out of things anyway, so why worry about it? That would be my argument to DH - he'll probably say it will be easier to change the habit now than later, but I don't think that's necessarily true. It might be harder now because the baby isn't ready for it, than it would be later when they are more ready. Or it might be just as hard any time but you're emotionally attached to cuddling now, rather than having the motivation to stop like you will later. And you always have the choice of making a change slowly and gently, or cold turkey and dealing with the grimness - depending on what you find harder or easier at the time!

OrlandaFuriosa · 19/01/2018 22:42

Mine hated his basket too and being put anywhere. He hated slings. What he like was me sitting on the sofa cuddling. So I had to because otherwise he roared.

GiraffesAreNotShort · 19/01/2018 22:44

Ds2 slept on me every day due to severe reflux so he needed to be kept upright. We progressed on to co-sleeping in the day time, at night he happily slept in a propped up cot.

He stopped sleeping on me at around 14 months. He is still a cuddle monster at 11 years old. Both Ds1 (14) and Ds2 get into our bed every morning. Ds1 is 5'7 and wears size 10 shoes. He still likes a cuddle too. Neither of my children had any sleep issues transitioning to a bed from my arms.

Do what feels right. This is the time to cherish these moments, to stop, sit down and relax.

No-one ever lay on their death bed regretting the cuddles they had or worried about whether they should have done more housework.

fabulous01 · 19/01/2018 22:45

I had twins and co slept and they slept in my arms
Just be safe and enjoy

MiddlingMum · 19/01/2018 22:47

If it feels right and is working for you and your baby, do it. As others have said, it won't last forever.

One of mine would only sleep in our arms - to the point that my DH would sometimes spend the night in an armchair - but we never regretted it. Now mine are in their 20s I miss it and so does DH.

LittleMissGiggle5 · 19/01/2018 22:49

My DD is nearly 14weeks I think she's slept in bed with us since she was about 6 weeks and that is the only way she will sleep, I think the reason some men don't like it is because they get less attention and cuddles but I get loads, just from the baby! Grin she either sleeps in the pram or in someone's arms during the day. I will say I think the fact that she is ebf means that she's more clingy to me than anyone else but I don't care, I love it and try to cherish every second! even when she kicks me in the face to wake me up Smile

Oly5 · 19/01/2018 22:53

I have a 10 week old who only naps in my arms or on the move in the buggy! He’s my third and I know better than to try to change it. Longer naps in cots will come when he’s much older.
Enjoy it! I’m also co-sleeping as I get more sleep that way. Enjoy the snuggles. My eldest is 6 and I have to steal cuddles from him
These days! It does so fast. I also agree that th transition to napping in cots etc is easier to do when they’re older

duffaho · 19/01/2018 22:53

This is a poem I found in a magazine some years ago but although it was old fashioned even then it still resonated with me. No child ever praised their mothers housekeeping above her cuddles.

Babies Don’t Keep

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo

The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m cuddling my baby and babies don’t keep.
Author: Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

grannytomine · 19/01/2018 22:58

One of mine was like this for the first 3 years, now he is 6ft 3in and manages quite well without me. Enjoy it while it lasts.

grannytomine · 19/01/2018 23:00

duffaho that poem reminds me of my granny, she used to say, "The floors can be scrubbed when the wains are reared." It is so true.

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 19/01/2018 23:01

Maybe try and explain to your DH that you can't spoil an infant in this way and that most people would say that giving them what they need at this age results in a more secure child.

It's a common belief so don't be too harsh on your DH.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 19/01/2018 23:02

Another one saying enjoy it!

My DD would only sleep on my chest/her mum's chest when she was tiny and it was lovely, despite being tiring!

DoubleRamsey · 19/01/2018 23:02

Enjoy it as long as it works for you, but make sure you co-sleep safety

Currently cuddling my 5 month old while they sleep. She weighs over a stone and my arms are dead but I wouldn't change it.

Get a sling if you have essential things you need to do during the day

SittingAround1 · 19/01/2018 23:10

I let both of mine sleep in my arms for their daytime naps. I absolutely loved it. It was so peaceful and yes it does go too quickly.

Twinkletoes2018 · 19/01/2018 23:10

There is no such thing as cuddling a baby too much a cuddled loved child will grow up into a well adjusted secure adult. Go ahead and cuddle as much as you like xxx

notsureifimbeingur · 19/01/2018 23:18

I could have written this exact same post, OP!
You and all the other posters on here have made me, a probably slightly anxious first time Mum feel like there are others out there who are doing the same and going through the same as me! Thank you.

I have posted recently on here about getting my 2 month DD to sleep on her own, both at night and daytime naps, as this is what everyone is telling me I should do. I feel I should be following the advice of those who have children already.
But I’ve come to realise that I know my baby best and if that means her sleeping next to me and her sleeping in my arms, with both of us happy and content then so be it. To echo what others have said.... enjoy it now as the weeks are flashing by and soon you will be begging for cuddles! Smile

petbear · 19/01/2018 23:19

He is 10 weeks old for fuck's sake. It's lovely to have them snuggling with you when they are so little.

Your DH is talking shit.

Now if it's still happening in 12 months time, he can have a bit of a moan.

petbear · 19/01/2018 23:20

He is 10 weeks old for fuck's sake. It's lovely to have them snuggling with you when they are so little.

Your DH is talking shit.

Now if it's still happening in 12 months time, he can have a bit of a moan.