My mother is a binge drinker and has been for the past 6 years. For as long as I can remember she's struggled in life with depression, constant irritable moods and learning difficulties. I had an undesirable childhood to say the least, although fortunately she wasn't a drinker when i was growing up. She abandoned me at 16 and moved back to the city she grew up, we regained contact and when I was 22 I moved here to the same city and we gradually rebuild a fractured relationship.
Her drinking has caused alot of friction in the family as we can't handle her behaviour, she will show herself up, shout swear and argue with those around her. I've threatened to go no contact multiple times but she doesn't take me seriously (or doesn't care as she's previously shown) and continues drinking.
On Sunday I gave birth to a wonderful baby boy, my mum visited us at home on Tuesday accompanied by my aunt. She was sober and in seemed totally in awe of her grandson, she promised she would kick the drink now for him because she wanted to be a support to us and make amends for the past. I told her i would love that but can't have her anywhere near us in drink and she said she understood and would make an effort to sort her habit out.
I needed to replace the innertube on my pram otherwise I wouldn't be able to get to the shops, she offered to take the old one to a shop and have it replaced then bring it straight back in the morning. I said its ok and she insisted, she wanted to help. Long story short she didn't turn up with it and when I called her she was paraletic, I was now stuck in the house and couldn't get to the shops. She made a conscious decision to go and drink herself stupid knowing me and my newborn were reliant on her in order to get out the house.
I told her it was the final straw, I could forgive her letting me down but I wasn't having her lifestyle impact my son. I decided I didn't want her around him at all and she wouldn't be seeing us. I blocked her number.
Today my aunt comes round and we discuss my mum. My aunt says she has something to tell me but doesn't know whether she should be doing. She then tells me that when my mum was a teenager she was abused by her brother, an uncle I've never met, and she believes that's the reason for her drinking.
I'm floored. I love my mother dearly and the thought of somebody she trusted hurting her breaks my heart. She is vulnerable and always has been. Despite putting me through alot growing up i would give my right arm for her to be okay.
In light of those revelations I feel horrible for cutting contact between me her and my son, but I absolutely can't have him exposed to the way she is. I have to safeguard him and put his best interests first, she's not somebody stable enough to play a role as grandmother at the minute. I couldn't trust her with him.
She doesn't want to help herself or accept help from others so I'm at a loss as to what to do. Aibu to be taking the stance I'm taking in light of what I've found out?
My heart is breaking for her but at the same time I can't ignore the way she's choosing to live. I've tried for years to get her to get help with the drink, helped her as much as I could. We all have demons, I know I do, but I can't let hers affect my little boy.