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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be getting a bit pissed off with this now?

72 replies

Thurlow · 19/01/2018 12:06

I'm fairly certain I am, I possibly just need the whinge.

DD is 6 next week. I'm arranging her first proper, large birthday party at a venue. I've done all the research for it, found the right place, arranged it, helped her write her list and her invites, asked a few other parents to stay and help, planned the food, bought the party bags and the bunting and all that malarkey.

We decided to get her a bike as a present. This is DP's ONE job to do. Find (he's obsessed with getting the right one, we've already had a row about this as he was looking at bigger bikes that weren't really suitable for someone who hasn't had a bike before) and order or collect the bike. That's it.

He's off today. He's lying on the sofa "tired" and says he'll go get the bike another day. Which means at the weekend, which means he'll go out leaving me with both children while he probably spends 2 hours making his mind up, instead of going today when we don't have the kids with us.

Such a little thing I know but it's royally fucking me off now. He's shown NO interest at all in the party, hasn't once asked if there is anything he can do. She's 6, this is a big deal for her. He's great with everything else, housework and looking after the kids and all that, it's just this is bringing home that birthdays and Christmas always end up falling to me to sort and he seems to magically expect it either to happen or, if he has to get involved, I will TELL him what needs to be done after doing all the thinking.

Maybe I just need more coffee today but for someone reason this has royally narked me...

OP posts:

MadMags · 19/01/2018 13:44

MN has reached new heights!

Judgement about six year old bike ownership.

I'm waiting now for the toddlers who do triathlons...

Nanny0gg · 19/01/2018 13:46

Isla bikes are around £400! For a SIX year-old.

Blimey!

Weezol · 19/01/2018 13:48

Niddy Quiet and sinister reasonable has always got me further than shouting and stamping.
Spade When is a good time? 10, 14, 17?

If OP puts her foot down now, I have no doubt he'll get it sorted given he's generally pretty good and just needs to get his arse in gear over this.

timeisnotaline · 19/01/2018 13:49

When my dh says stuff like that I point out pretty clearly that the brief is for a first bike for a 6 year old. You found one that didn’t meet the brief. Surprise, I said no. I didn’t expect to have to play a basic quality review on this task.to be honest. Now can you please find your daughter a bike- how hard is it to read a few reviews and find a decent bike? Are you really saying you are finding this a challenge?
This stuff pisses me off :)

Tiredmum100 · 19/01/2018 13:53

Yanbu. Chatting with my friend recently over Christmas. She said "would Christmas even be happening if it wasn't for you." No it wouldn't have. My ds turned 6 a few weeks ago, I booked it, paid for it, did the invites, made the lists. In his favour he did come to do the food/sweet shopping with me and was good on the day of the party. Just sometimes it would be nice if they did it off their own backs. Hope he gets off his arse and gets the bike!

MsGameandWatching · 19/01/2018 13:57

Atticusss. We all have scooters here, even me, middle aged Mum. They're brilliant for the city.

lizzieoak · 19/01/2018 13:59

YANBU - it’s emotional labour, all this planning.

And am I missing something? Why are people recommending £££ bike for a 6 year old? I always got mine from the police auction, or hand me downs (struggling divorced parent). Why does anyone need a posh bike, nvm a 6 year old?!

Silvercatowner · 19/01/2018 14:00

I can't believe you don't have another bike store near you.

(Trying to rival the "I can't believe your child has never had a bike before" comment).

Original poster

Thurlow · 19/01/2018 14:00

I don't think a first bike has to be super amazing does it?

Me neither - I thought a £50 job from Halfords would do until we get a grasp of whether she's going to be good at it and do it a lot, in which case we can buy her a decent bike for another Christmas or birthday.

He has now bought a bike. Amidst huffing. It's not ready to collect until the evening before her birthday, but if it doesn't get delivered then I'll leave it to him to do the explaining ::sigh:: So yes, his arse is in gear finally after lots of sniping all morning. He is generally very good, just has a tendency to either spend too long deciding or to procrastinate forever. Occasionally, like now, the two combine and create a perfect storm of uselessness.

At least I wasn't being too U to be pissed off. Or to have not bought a pedal bike before now

OP posts:

Mitzimaybe · 19/01/2018 14:01

YANBU. He IBU.

Graphista · 19/01/2018 14:01

My mum never had or even sat on a bike till she was 49! Then decided she wanted to Learn before 50 until then I didn't even know adult stabilisers existed!

Weezol · 19/01/2018 14:02

Timeis Oh, now that's clever. The whole 'is it to difficult for you? thing. I may need to steal that.

Spadequeen · 19/01/2018 14:03

Weezol I was 13 when I realised my dad was an utter cunt. It was still hard to deal with but better than 6. And I also realised how much mum has shielded me from as much of his cuntishness as she possibly could.

Chugalug · 19/01/2018 14:07

You know what op....in your shoes I'd be choosing the bike myself..he clearly dosnt give two hoots ,and it's important she gets the right bike.not something he couldn't be arsed to sort out

Weezol · 19/01/2018 14:07

Spade I was being flippant, for which I now apologise. I am sorry that my comment was upsetting and I will be a bit more considerate in the future.

Graphista · 19/01/2018 14:07

I'm now getting loads of bike shop pop up ads - can't afford, nowhere to store and very hilly rural area

Situp · 19/01/2018 14:09

which means he'll go out leaving me with both children while he probably spends 2 hours making his mind up, instead of going today when we don't have the kids with us.

If I was you I would say that he should watch the kids whilst you will get the bike on your own at the weekend. It should take about 2 hours 5 minutes to get the bike and 1hr 55mins having coffee / getting your hair done

Spadequeen · 19/01/2018 14:10

God not at all Weezol, not upset at all. It actually felt really good to write that down!

I actually think your idea was brilliant, was just concerned that a little girl would get hurt because her father is too bloody useless to get anything organised.

No offence and no need for apologies though I appreciate it, thanks 😊

Cornettoninja · 19/01/2018 14:30

By the age of 6 we could do 10 mile family bike rides. And by 9 much further

We tend to family walks, I find you miss a lot of nature going at speed.

(Family bike rides are a weird concept to me, we went zooming round as kids and would've been severely pissed off to have adults cramping our style)

mellicauli · 05/02/2018 12:42

it makes a huge difference to have a light bike for 6 year old and annoying thought it is, if your husband buys the wrong bike it will sit gathering dust in the garage if your daughter is not particularly strong/sporty.

My advice is buy a 2nd hand Frog 52 (cheaper than Isla but just as light/manoeuvrable) from Ebay. That's more like £100-£150 than £400 and you'll probably get half of that back when you sell it on when they have outgrown it. We are not poor but no point in spending £££ that won't be properly appreciated by your child.

FluffyWuffy100 · 05/02/2018 12:48

IMO it is even MORE important to get a good quality expensive bike for a small child, if you actually want to go bike riding with them.

A properly sized frame with properly sized components, that is nice and light - makes riding a bike so much easier and fun for children.

If you can't be fucked to go riding yourself then sure, get the ma cheapo heavy thing. If you want your child to be coming out on family cycle days - get them something they can enjoy riding.

mrsmuddlepies · 06/02/2018 03:39

Why is MN so down on posters for being 'judgy', because being judgy is such terrifically bad form, until it comes down to ordering husbands what to do then they judge for England. The guy chose a bike, he was told off and is reluctant to get involved now.
Back off, If the OP is going to be critical of the choice of bike, she should choose it herself. You sound controlling.
Either choose it yourself and send him to get it or allow him to choose it. Nobody likes being told off for making the 'wrong' decision.
I would go with an Isla bike too.

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