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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be getting a bit pissed off with this now?

72 replies

Thurlow · 19/01/2018 12:06

I'm fairly certain I am, I possibly just need the whinge.

DD is 6 next week. I'm arranging her first proper, large birthday party at a venue. I've done all the research for it, found the right place, arranged it, helped her write her list and her invites, asked a few other parents to stay and help, planned the food, bought the party bags and the bunting and all that malarkey.

We decided to get her a bike as a present. This is DP's ONE job to do. Find (he's obsessed with getting the right one, we've already had a row about this as he was looking at bigger bikes that weren't really suitable for someone who hasn't had a bike before) and order or collect the bike. That's it.

He's off today. He's lying on the sofa "tired" and says he'll go get the bike another day. Which means at the weekend, which means he'll go out leaving me with both children while he probably spends 2 hours making his mind up, instead of going today when we don't have the kids with us.

Such a little thing I know but it's royally fucking me off now. He's shown NO interest at all in the party, hasn't once asked if there is anything he can do. She's 6, this is a big deal for her. He's great with everything else, housework and looking after the kids and all that, it's just this is bringing home that birthdays and Christmas always end up falling to me to sort and he seems to magically expect it either to happen or, if he has to get involved, I will TELL him what needs to be done after doing all the thinking.

Maybe I just need more coffee today but for someone reason this has royally narked me...

OP posts:
Queeniebed · 19/01/2018 12:56

I would simply order one and deal with the fallout if he refused to get it sorted.

hmmmmm · 19/01/2018 12:57

Leave dcs with him at the weekend and you go and get it but take your time Wink

niddy · 19/01/2018 12:57

weesol I felt scared just reading that! Grin

MsGameandWatching · 19/01/2018 12:58

Because we live in the city centre and have nowhere to store them and no where really to ride them, in common with millions of other people who live here. My children can ride a bike, my eldest has gone biking round Wales with his Dad. So nothing strange about it really, just totally impractical to keep them here. Not owning a bike doesn't translate to not being able to ride one.

expatinscotland · 19/01/2018 13:00

'Wow, 9 really. Why?

This really is strange to me, my daughters were riding at 3 and my step son at 5.

By the age of 6 we could do 10 mile family bike rides. And by 9 much further.'

In the world, there are a great many people who a) live in flats with no space for bikes and they'll get stolen if they're not in the flat b) live in heavily populated areas where it's not safe to ride bikes c) cannot ride a bike themselves much less ride 10+ miles as a family d) don't have the money for bikes e) don't have time to do jolly family bike rides due to work constraints.

Is that really that hard to understand?

MsGameandWatching · 19/01/2018 13:00

Thank you expat.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 19/01/2018 13:06

Blackteadrinker, I don't often express myself like this, but please give over with the 'Look how wonderful and wholesome my family is and what a good mother I am in comparison to you ' faux wonderment.

Doobigetta · 19/01/2018 13:16

Get the bike yourself, and put a label on it saying "with lots of love from Mummy". Let the lazy arse explain himself why there's no present from Daddy.

FancyNewBeesly · 19/01/2018 13:17

I'm 35 and I've never had a bike so you're doing better than my mum ;)

Tell him to get off his arse and go wherever he needs to go to get whatever he wants - you have enough other shit to deal with.

pictish · 19/01/2018 13:17

Tea have a chocolate medal. You surely deserve one for being so marvelous. Good of you to take a minute out of your busy schedule as a perfect mother, to show us all how it's done. Thanks.

Blackteadrinker77 · 19/01/2018 13:17

@anelderyladyofmediumheight I really didn't mean it that way. I genuinely am shocked.

Maybe it was different times, my kids have grown up now.

HolyShet · 19/01/2018 13:24

I can't believe a six year old has never had a bike before.

Another blast from the world of oblivious privilege

livefornaps · 19/01/2018 13:25

All the sniping on this thread made me smile, sorry! I am also in a cranky mood today.

Your husband sounds really annoying. Bringing up the bike from 8 days ago is just low! Hate it when anyone procrastinates over something, then instead of being pragmatic about the time left, they lament the fact they can't complete the task with suddenly exacting standards

Graphista · 19/01/2018 13:25

What weezol said - in Godfather stylee voice 😂

But yea, I'd have booted his arse out the door (and you're right about the bmx bike).

MsGameandWatching · 19/01/2018 13:25

You know there are even six year olds that don't have a bed or enough to eat, in THIS country. Were you aware of that?

trilbydoll · 19/01/2018 13:29

I don't think a first bike has to be super amazing does it? They still grow fairly quickly at 6! As long as it isn't too big and heavy it should be okay?

DD1 just has the one halfords had on offer at Christmas. She had a balance bike she refused to use and there's no point buying a pedal bike until they're strong enough to do it.

Wixi · 19/01/2018 13:31

My DH is rubbish at getting around to organising things and I'm always having to chase him EXCEPT when it comes to DD. If it's for her and we've agreed it's happening then he will sort it out.

Spadequeen · 19/01/2018 13:38

Another vote for an Isla bike.

In many other areas I would completely agree with leaving him to sort it out as per Weesol, however that would paooible leave a 6 yr old girl without a present on her birthday. There is plenty of time for her to realise her dad is a useless twat. Now is not that time.

I personally would call Isla bikes now and see if they can help you in time. Or go and buy one from the high street you think she’d like and get on with.

If he dared to say even one negative thing about what you’d bought, then feel free to go apeshit on him and channel your inner weesol!

Atticusss · 19/01/2018 13:39

Blackteadrinker

I got my dd a bike when she was 5 and wish I hadn't. I was a single parent and didn't drive and lived next to an A road. It was very difficult getting it to the park a mile away to try (and fail) to teach her and even more difficult when she refused to ride it back. I gave up after a few attempts as she had no desire and no coordination and loved her micro-scooter. 6 years later she still can't ride a bike, still has no desire to, it's in my current garden waiting for her 4 year old sister to grow into, but quite rusty now. My 4 year old has severe hypermobility and is unlikely to pick up bike riding easily either.

Yes I envisioned lovely family bike rides but SEN and single parenthood meant teaching to ride in a town that isn't very suitable for bikes with no car just it's possible. I have many friends with older children who don't or have never had bikes for many different reasons. It really isn't unusual. Please try to see past the end of your nose before making judgement like that. My children have had lots of time outdoors without bicycles.

SilverySurfer · 19/01/2018 13:39

Murder wouldn't be too drastic, not a court in the land would convict you OP.

Blackteadrinker77
I can't believe a six year old has never had a bike before.

I was 38 when I got my first bike and my neighbour's husband held on to the back of the seat while I wobbled round the streets of Fulham learning to ride Grin

OhGood · 19/01/2018 13:40

I can't believe a six year old has never had a bike before.

Brilliant. Loving this randomly judgy-pants message. Grin

WheresTheHooferDoofer · 19/01/2018 13:42

I'm totally for weezol's suggestion. He needs to understand now that this is is fault, and his problem to deal with. Not yours.

BitOutOfPractice · 19/01/2018 13:43

I'm amazed you managed to cycle 10miles teadrinker what with all the smug you're carrying round with you

OP order the bike suggested here online. Tell DD that it's from you and then look pointedly at DH

Originalfoogirl · 19/01/2018 13:43

What AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight said. Blackteadrinker I don’t think people really care how amazing your children’s cycling prowess is, nor is it relevant to the question. Incidentally, we did a similar thing with my family as a child. It put me off cycling for life and I haven’t touched a bike since I was old enough to choose.

I vote for Weezol ’s suggestion. Make it clear he is responsible for not letting her down on her birthday and he will have to deal with the fallout.

I did a similar thing at Christmas when Mr Foo had only one gift to get for her, and it was the biggest one. He did it with days to spare but it really pissed me off he left it so late.

SleightOfMind · 19/01/2018 13:44

If you’re anywhere near Twickenham, these people are really good.

All their bikes are aluminium framed (like Isla bikes, which they often have in).

As for your DH, I’m pissed off just reading about him!

Don’t remind him again but make him take the other DC when he does go to fetch it this weekend. He is being bloody inconvenient but I’m sure he won’t let your DD down.