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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it rude / incredibly frustrating to not RSVP?

75 replies

Journea · 19/01/2018 11:18

Just that really. We sent out DS’s birthday party invites a few weeks ago. RSVP date has now passed and we are still awaiting at least 12 replies.
Do I just take it that they’re not coming? Would I be unreasonable to send a reminder slip out asking for a simple yes / no..!?! Some people have replied to say they can’t come and therefore we have then invited other children who DS wanted to invite originally but we didn’t have room for. It’s a party where we need to provide numbers beforehand so we really do need to know for sure.
What is the children’s party etiquette? Who’d have thought that children’s parties were so stressful even before the actual event!

OP posts:
FlashTheSloth · 19/01/2018 23:12

YADDDDDNBU!

I'm currently awaiting on a reply. Deadline for reply is this weekend. Activity is a paid per head one. It's just fucking rude! Takes 30 seconds to look at a calendar and reply. I don't know the parents and don't think they are ever in the playground so can't grab them.

ChasedByBees · 19/01/2018 23:22

I have a party coming up with 30 invites and only half had RSVP’d. It is annoying. I sent reminders and got another 10 RSVPs so it is helpful to send those. I think a few weeks ago things might got lost in the Christmas card pile.

NotBadConsidering · 20/01/2018 01:19

Worth sending one reminder - my DD2 was invited to a party a few months ago but the nursery staff put the invite in the front pocket of her bag, which we never use because the zip is so difficult. If the Mum hadn't sent a brief text, I wouldn't have found the invite until it was all over.

Same thing happened to us except we didn't find it until months after the party. Didn't get any follow up message before the party. Sent an apologetic text when it was found to the mum which probably sounded crazy. So it's not always rudeness, stuff happens.

Lalalaleah · 20/01/2018 01:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FixItUpChappie · 20/01/2018 01:52

Who’d have thought that children’s parties were so stressful

For what it's worth OP I find my children's parties incredibly stressful. Every. Single. Year.

I really make an effort to get my kids off to parties and to RSVP with enthusiasm Brew

Original poster
Journea · 20/01/2018 05:25

I sent them out Lalalaleah at the end of the first week back at school this term. Do class reps exist..? I’ve never even heard of such a person!

OP posts:
Original poster
Journea · 20/01/2018 05:29

Well this may be partly the problem NotBadConsidering as when collecting DS from school this afternoon, I took the bull by the horn and asked one of the mums politely to which she told me she hasn’t even had an invite 😩 Her DD has brought home another child’s invite to which she returned to the child but never actually received one herself. The class TA originally put invites in book bags so now I’m wondering what happened and whether some of the non RSVPers did indeed receive an invite to begin with?!

OP posts:
juliesaway · 20/01/2018 06:13

Many people are fucking ignorant, and have no manners. That’s the only reason for not RSVPing in a timely manner

NotBadConsidering · 20/01/2018 07:08

That’s the only reason

Well clearly it isn't Hmm

ForalltheSaints · 20/01/2018 07:10

We have become too much like the US in this respect. The ability to do other things last minute such as ordering via Amazon (other suppliers are available) possibly re-inforces this.

A reminder on the lines of 'just checking you cannot make it' may be appropriate.

catwoozle · 20/01/2018 07:12

Why do people get so stressed about this? Invitations get lost and even people who are organised normally have other priotities and can sometimes forget to reply.

Make sure you have a class contact list before organising a party and text the parents if you don't hear from them.

falang · 20/01/2018 07:16

I would assume they aren't coming and have no qualms whatsoever about turning them away from party if everyone else had turned up. It's really ignorant not to respond to any invitation.

catwoozle · 20/01/2018 07:16

That’s the only reason for not RSVPing in a timely manner

Some of the parents didn't even receive the OP's invitation.

Bluedoglead · 20/01/2018 07:24

That’s the only reason for not RSVPing in a timely manner

Let me give you some :

Invite didn’t make it home

No idea if I have transport to get child to party (I didn’t have a car I was depending on lifts)

Party on my ex’s weekend and I have no idea if he’s taking child to party or not

And caring for a dying relative and not knowing if I was on my head or my arse and really not giving a fuck as my mother was dying about some child from DS party becuase, priorities.

KERALA1 · 20/01/2018 07:30

It's not an issue if you invite a smaller group of proper friends ime. These enormous events where every child in the class / neighbourhood invited means invites mean less to guests they know their attendance not really valued as they are just one of a big crowd.

Thinking about it my dds recent parties have had 100% response rate as no more than 10 guests that the dds know and like.

As kids get older and people get more experienced as parents these big parties get phased out.

ceeveebee · 20/01/2018 07:31

I work FT and invitations never make it Home. The only way we find out about parties are because we have a class whatsapp group and everyone uses that to send details and do RSVPing. If it’s not a whole class party then people set up their own new group. It’s worked really well and we have never (to my knowledge) failed to find out about a party or had any issues with non RSVPers

KERALA1 · 20/01/2018 07:32

I email or text the parents direct as does everyone else I know. The invite is a fun thing for the child to give out you dont rely on it as communication.

juliesaway · 20/01/2018 07:32

You should respond to invites whatever is going on in your life. It’s common courtesy and nothing is more important than letting people know. Just plain manners.

Bluedoglead · 20/01/2018 07:35

My mother took months to die. It was all I could do to feed my kids and even homework went by the by. I even had time off work due to stress as I cared for her.

But your child’s party is more important?

Nope. Not at all. It’s important to you but not to everyone else.

How could I respond when I’d sent the invite to my ex as it was his weekend?

NotBadConsidering · 20/01/2018 07:37

You should respond to invites whatever

If you receive it.

Sierra259 · 20/01/2018 07:58

Arrrrggghh! It's so frustrating, isn't it?? We had 3-4 non responders (out of 15) last year for DC1's party. Not the end of the world (just rude) until we had to cancel at the last minute due to illness, and DH had to go to the venue in case they turned up as we had no contact details for them Angry.

Currently still waiting on 2 (out of 7 invitees) to respond re: DC1's party next Saturday. Doesn't sound like a lot, but it's only a small party and I would probably invite other friends of DC if I knew for sure they weren't coming. It's very annoying, although I can see how easy it is to just keep forgetting to RSVP. Added awkwardness of it being the Reception school year, so I don't even know all of the parents, let alone have their contact details to chase them. Needless to say, I've started replying on the day we get any invites now!

neighbourhoodwitch · 20/01/2018 08:02

yes. infuriating.

GreenRut · 20/01/2018 08:10

I'm in both camps here. I've been on the stressed end of not receiving replies. But now I've got more dcs I've now been the person who's been on the receiving end of the chasing and there really are very good reasons for it! Not receiving the invites is the main one, dcs don't tell me, stuff them in pockets I wouldn't think to check, they sometimes lose them. More recently I had an accident and was in and out of hospital and the invite has gone missing and i dont know the child or the parent and have no way to contact them.

One thing I've noticed gets a higher success rate is the whatsapp group or the class email. They tend to get immediate replies / declines.

why12345 · 20/01/2018 08:13

Yup this happens a lot in my daughters class. It's so dam rude considering most parents are glued to their phones.

Dipitydoda · 20/01/2018 08:15

People do get really busy, put the note to one side thinking they’ll check the date later then forget. If the invite has gone out in book bags don’t assume it’s made it home past wrap around club. Ime often the invites get pulled out to look at and left somewhere. Drop a text/Facebook message round. I can 100%guarantee no one has done this to piss you off.