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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - train seat etiq

63 replies

Panandthegang · 19/01/2018 09:01

First time post....

I travelled to London yesterday via train for work. Have done so a number of times before but certainly not a regular thing.

I’ve always reserved a seat because I have terrible travel sickness and have to face in the direction of travel. It also helps if I’m near a window and can see. When I got to my reserved seat, someone was in it chatting away to their colleague. Looking around the coach there were a few other seats dotted about but with bags on, reserved signs etc....

I’m usually very polite about these things (in the past would have died quietly in a corner rather than draw attention to myself) but for some reason - maybe reading so many cf threads?! - I stood up for myself and explained that wasn’t my reserved seat. Tbf they were fine and immediately started to leave and make arrangements to find seats elsewhere together to continue their conversation.

Trouble was this took ages and I stood there on the aisle beetroot while literally everyone in earshot was staring at me like I’d unknowingly committed some hugely awkward social faux pas.....had I?? Some unrelated woman even spoke up to say she’d reserved the seat next to mine but hadn’t said and had hcosen to sit elsewhere.....I didn’t know what to say so waited for them to go, sat down and tried to hide fro, the accusing eyes!!!

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 19/01/2018 09:03

I wouldn’t have thought anything of it myself x

saladdays66 · 19/01/2018 09:04

Well, you hadn't committed a faux pas. You were right. You had booked the seat so it was yours. The person who was in it was fine about moving. That's all good.

What does it matter that some people who you will never see again looked at you? I'm sure they weren't staring nastily or judging.

ShatnersWig · 19/01/2018 09:06

You were absolutely right, I have done the same in your circumstances. Sod what anyone else might think.

Rainbowqueeen · 19/01/2018 09:08

Good on you. No need to be embarrassed.
No faux pas at all

ScreamingValenta · 19/01/2018 09:08

I expect the people watching were hoping for an interesting argument to liven up their journey. However, as you all behaved in a civilised, reasonable, adult manner, the onlookers were disappointed.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 19/01/2018 09:09

Of course YANBU. Just don’t let small things bother you. I guess if there were loads of spare seats it may seem petty but doesn’t sound like this was the case here.

socksandpants · 19/01/2018 09:10

saladdays66 If you have never experienced social anxiety, you will never understand.

Panandthegang Well done you!

alotalotalot · 19/01/2018 09:10

For everyone of the disapproving set of eyes there would have also been a set thinking "good on her".

You claimed what was yours. No need to feel embarrassed.

HuskyMcClusky · 19/01/2018 09:10

You did nothing wrong.

pasturesgreen · 19/01/2018 09:16

You're massively overthinking this. It may have felt like everyone was staring at you, but I promise they weren't: passengers on commuter trains tend to live in their own little bubble as much as possible. You did absolutely nothing wrong, time to move on.

category12 · 19/01/2018 09:16

I think you're reading too much into it all. If you've reserved a seat, use it. The other woman was a wuss.

ATeardropExplodes · 19/01/2018 09:17

Not alot to look at on a train. They will have forgotten about it the moment you sat down.

Bindibot · 19/01/2018 09:18

If I'd been there and looking I would have been thinking Good Woman!

HoppingPavlova · 19/01/2018 09:19

Good on you. It was your seat.
No idea why people do this. Same as people who sit in your reserved seats in the movies then make out you are unreasonable for making them move when there are so many other seats. Yeah, well you go sit in them because these are mine Wink.

No need to feel embarrassed.

YellowFlower201 · 19/01/2018 09:19

The third woman needs to mind her own business. You did nothing wrong!

Ohyesiam · 19/01/2018 09:21

It's none of their business what you do with your reserved seat. And their response is all to do with them, not you.

Well done on asking for your seat. It's not always easy to be assertive I know.
One when I was in my 20s I was telling my mentor that sometimes I didn't feel like I had the right to exist. She was very kind and wise, and told me that as I do exist already, I should stop we questioning it, and just take up the space that is rightfully mine.
And to be fair you don't know what was going on in those other commuters heads. They probably weren't taking as much notice of you as you thought.
And the one who commented? well good for her if that decision worked for her. But as you had valid reasons for needing that seat, then asking is a good thing to do, no explanation required.

MrsAndyDayTheFirst · 19/01/2018 09:21

I’d have probably glanced up hoping cf would refuse to move so I could start a real time MN thread. I can’t inagin anyone was looking disapprovingly at you. More just glancing up to see what the shuffling was about. If it’s anything like my route a couple of people shuffling strikes terror into my heart as it inevitably means that they have advance knowledge themat the train has decided to terminate at the next station or been diverted to the Isle of Wight or something.

FluffyWuffy100 · 19/01/2018 09:22

They took chance on the reserved not turning up (happiness lot), they wee perfectly nice abouti it and got up and went elsewhere..

Zero drama. Stop thinking about tiny inconsequential stuff like this.

FluffyWuffy100 · 19/01/2018 09:24

No idea why people do this.

Because generally about 505 of people don't ever sit in their reserved seat.

Randomlywondering · 19/01/2018 09:24

I wouldn't dream of aborting in a reserved seat anyway, unless the train was full and we'd passed the "from" station and I could make a reasonable assumption that it may not be about to be used.
You didnthe right thing asking, they did the right thing moving. The third woman was a nosy moo.

Randomlywondering · 19/01/2018 09:25

Wow that's a bad typo Blush

WorraLiberty · 19/01/2018 09:26

Zero drama. Stop thinking about tiny inconsequential stuff like this.

This ^^ in the nicest possible way.

People will look/listen to anything on a train because it breaks up the boredom.

Ellie56 · 19/01/2018 09:27

I travel regularly on the train to Bristol and this happen all the time. I have to ask people to move out of my reserved seat. I see other people asking others to move out of their reserved seats.

It happens a lot because of split ticketing. Part of the journey is reserved in one seat, then the next part is reserved in another seat.

It's no big deal. Well done on standing up for yourself.Mumsnet rules!

museumum · 19/01/2018 09:28

No idea why you were beetroot. I claim my seat all the time.
I also sometimes sit in reserved seats till the owner comes (so so often they don’t) and then happily move.

Caulk · 19/01/2018 09:30

It’s not a big deal. It sounds like you’re looking for validation that what you did is embarrassing/wrong etc. It’s just a normal thing that you are now overthinking.

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