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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - train seat etiq

63 replies

Panandthegang · 19/01/2018 09:01

First time post....

I travelled to London yesterday via train for work. Have done so a number of times before but certainly not a regular thing.

I’ve always reserved a seat because I have terrible travel sickness and have to face in the direction of travel. It also helps if I’m near a window and can see. When I got to my reserved seat, someone was in it chatting away to their colleague. Looking around the coach there were a few other seats dotted about but with bags on, reserved signs etc....

I’m usually very polite about these things (in the past would have died quietly in a corner rather than draw attention to myself) but for some reason - maybe reading so many cf threads?! - I stood up for myself and explained that wasn’t my reserved seat. Tbf they were fine and immediately started to leave and make arrangements to find seats elsewhere together to continue their conversation.

Trouble was this took ages and I stood there on the aisle beetroot while literally everyone in earshot was staring at me like I’d unknowingly committed some hugely awkward social faux pas.....had I?? Some unrelated woman even spoke up to say she’d reserved the seat next to mine but hadn’t said and had hcosen to sit elsewhere.....I didn’t know what to say so waited for them to go, sat down and tried to hide fro, the accusing eyes!!!

OP posts:
TimeIhadaNameChange · 19/01/2018 09:30

I remember as a student I was in a similar situation. Got on the train and someone was in my seat. Instead of doing what you did and standing up for myself I sat down in one of the few empty seats that were left. Of course, it's rightful occupant came on at the next stop and evicted me, which meant I then had to stand for ages.

Wish I'd had the guts to stand up for myself at the start.

DenPerry · 19/01/2018 09:31

Do you have anxiety issues? You did nothing wrong. People stare at anything going on. Don't give it another thought or ounce of energy!

spiney · 19/01/2018 09:36

Sorry OP you're overthinking this. You did the correct thing to ask for your seat and the people did the correct thing to move.

There is always a lot of shuffling on trains and people will watch because there's nothing else to do.

As for the loud women, saying what she would have done, who cares ? That's her right. And she's a muppet for regaling everyone with her 2 p. But I bet most others weren't thinking that. Because why do reserved seats even exist?

Go for it OP. Don't brood on it. A minute after you would have been the only person still thinking about it.

billionsofbeautifulhearts · 19/01/2018 09:40

You did the right thing, I would have been anxious and gone beetroot and thought about it in the same way it really is the right thing to do tbh the worst way around has to be sat in someone's reserved seat and asked to move which I would never do.

Some unrelated woman even spoke up to say she’d reserved the seat next to mine but hadn’t said and had chosen to sit elsewhere

^^She did the wrong thing this is why people risk sitting in reserved seats and get away with it so it's more likely they will do it again plus a lot of people who reserve seats either no-show or must end up sitting/ standing elsewhere why reserve a seat if you're not going to sit in it?

Trills · 19/01/2018 09:40

Train seat etiquette is as follows:

"Excuse me, I have number 24 reserved"

#person moves#

End.

Pannacott · 19/01/2018 09:45

You did totally the right thing, no need to feel anxious about it.

thecatsthecats · 19/01/2018 09:46

I sit in reserved seats quite often if I find them empty after the station where the person is suppose to have joined has passed. At each stop, I just glance around at the people joining and see if they're looking for my seat.

I have a rough rule for bags too.

Train 1/3rd full - bag on seat and I don't even think about it because even if everyone did it, 1/3 of seats would still be available and I don't want anyone sitting next to me.

1/5 full - glance around the train at stops to see if it fills up. 2/3rds or more, bag on the floor so people aren't discouraged from even asking for the seat.

WingsOnMyBoots · 19/01/2018 09:46

So what's the other woman's problem? She was fine and dandy just moving to another seat (that was HERS) so why shouldn't your seat thief be ok moving from their seat (that was YOURS). If she was angry it's because deep down she wished she'd stood up for herself but didn't want to make a fuss so when you made your point she felt cheated - you did the right thing.

JaneEyre70 · 19/01/2018 09:47

Our last train journey, we booked seats and got onto a massively overcrowded train as they'd cancelled the one beforehand. We eventually found our reserved seats to find 3 older ladies sat in them - and my DDs and I didn't have the heart to move them. We'd booked to go by train and not drive as I had a bad back at the time (prolapsed disc). So we stood the whole way (nearly 2 hours) and I did feel a bit grumpy tbh as my back was killing me by the time we arrived and I felt we'd made the effort to reserve tickets and seating.

The only way we've travelled by train and not had an issue was booking 1st class seats - if you book them early enough it's usually not too expensive and at least you know you have a guaranteed seat. Sods law the above journey didn't have that option.

WingsOnMyBoots · 19/01/2018 09:48

Sorry meant to say other woman moved to another seat rather than claim the first one which was 'hers'.

It's really a pain not to be able to edit on here.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/01/2018 09:51

It's fine OP. It really is. Someone was sat in your reserved seat and you let them know. Nothing to worry about!

saladdays66 · 19/01/2018 09:53

Socksandpants, why on earth are you picking on me??

saladdays66 If you have never experienced social anxiety, you will never understand.

Jog on with your patronising assumptions. You know nothing about me. The OP has not said she has social anxiety. Being nervous about asking someone to move on a train does not = social anxiety.

Billben · 19/01/2018 09:53

Don’t stress yourself out over this. If I reserve a seat (and I always do) I expect to sit in it. I let people get away with some things but this isn’t one of them.
And as for the nosy woman butting in, more fool her. She was just probably envious that you had more guts than her.

ThisLittleKitty · 19/01/2018 09:57

I expect the people watching were hoping for an interesting argument to liven up their journey

This

Shimmershimmerandshine · 19/01/2018 09:58

I wouldn't dream of aborting in a reserved seat anyway, unless the train was full and we'd passed the "from" station and I could make a reasonable assumption that it may not be about to be used.

I think that you need to realise that our work booking system automatically books us a seat even if we have no intention of catching that train. If there are no other seats for goodness sake sit down!

I'd have sat in a different seat OP unless I was expecting the train to get busy later (and I'd have got shoved out of the seat I'd sat in) but then I hate this reserved malarky, it all works much better without it. However, you have every right to ask to sit in your reserved seat so YANBU. Modern trains are vile, nausea-inducing machines I do sympathise with you.

babyccinoo · 19/01/2018 09:58

Maybe they were awed by your bravery rather than accusing?

Whichever it was, you were 100% right.

Or maybe society doesn't like women who stand up for themselves. [sad[

MrsKnightley · 19/01/2018 10:00

My favourite similar encounter (but being the watcher, not the seat taker or seat owner) was on a London Edinburgh packed train. Everyone - EVERYONE was on the side of the family whose seats had been stolen. Nobody spoke up for a while but then everyone did.

It turned out the seat-thieves had tickets for the next train (the 4pm, not the 3pm) but had decided to get the earlier train. There were no more seats. We all waved to them as they were removed by the guard and put on the platform and there was a (brief) round of applause as the family took their rightful seats.

No one spoke up initially - we were all terribly reticent - but once people realised an injustice was being done they spoke up.

I suspect everyone around you was sympathetic and was only staying quiet because your seat was being returned to you. The woman who had also had her seat nicked would have looked a right fool if the train had filled up and she then had to get her own seat back.

Well done.

Wakeuptortoise · 19/01/2018 10:01

Imagine you were the observer here. You may have looked up and had a nosy to see what was happening, because trains are boring. Then thought, meh woman claiming seat, and gone back to your book.

LardyMardy · 19/01/2018 10:11

Some unrelated woman even spoke up to say she’d reserved the seat next to mine but hadn’t said and had hcosen to sit elsewhere.....I didn’t know what to say so waited for them to go, sat down and tried to hide fro, the accusing eyes!!!

I would have smiled at you in an encouraging way. I am irritated by people who sit in what are clearly reserved seats. On a crowded train, it makes getting into one's seat a tedious process while you wait for them to vacate, huffing & puffing. Don't sit in a reserved seat, people! (unless it's past the stop from which the seat was reserved).

chatwoo · 19/01/2018 10:21

I would have been looking/listening too, but only because there is not much else to do on on a train!

There was no reason to be embarrassed.

jellycat1 · 19/01/2018 10:29

No faux pas. I'd have been on your side.

shushpenfold · 19/01/2018 10:31

Don’t worry, the majority of the carriage will be sitting there thinking ‘yes....another CF challenged!’. Xx

LardyMardy · 19/01/2018 10:33

but then I hate this reserved malarky, it all works much better without it
said no regular long-distance train traveller, ever.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 19/01/2018 10:36

I always ask for my reserved seat if someone is in it. I've reserved it for a reason.

Other woman was weird, I'll grant you that. Just write her off though, you did nothing wrong.

user1andonly · 19/01/2018 10:38

I'd hopefully have reserved my own seat but, if for some reason I'd not been able to, I wouldn't leave a reserved seat empty if the train was crowded and there were no unreserved ones - if I didn't sit there someone else would and then, if the ticket holder didn't turn up, some other random would have a seat while I stood! So I'd sit in it but I'd be ready to jump up if the ticket holder arrived.