To ask for your ideas in helping me plan a fake holiday

[GlitterUnicornsAndAllThatJazz]

Me and DP haven't had a holiday in a year. We're both self employed and have had huge expenses this past year.

Its really grinding us down and we just need to hang in there for another 2 to 3 months before we can get away.

In the meantime I've had the idea that I'm going to create a fake holiday abroad when he comes home this evening.

I was going to make chilli anyway so I guess we're going to Mexico.

I'll prepare some guac and salsa and make margaritas for when he arrives, and will have some Mexican music playing when he gets in. Ill put the heating on full blast and wear a summer dress.

Any other good ideas?

Rick Steins 'Road to Mexico' on the tv.

@buttfacedmiscreant
Thanks for the music rec I was going to ask for some!

I'll need to get some flower garlands and love the suncream idea, although probably will go for more of a coconut tanning oil so we can do massages.

I'll run a bath to mimic a hot tub and in the bathroom will have some tropical rainforest sounds playing maybe?

Go on Tripsdviser tomorrow and give yourself a poor review.

@SavvyFishFinger
"I did not feel this was an authentic Mexican experience. Disappointed."

Just like a real fucking holiday

On a more serious note, what do Mexicans eat for dessert?

Then get pissed, run around the garden naked at 2am, then shag in next doors garden.

@SavvyFishFinger

😁

Chilli cheesecake

@SavvyFishFinger
"The waitress kept trying to flirt with my boyfriend"

@SavvyFishFinger
The answer is...."Nacho business"

Actually we do want to get out of Europe when we can eventually take a fucking holiday so I might buy him a genuine guide book as well.

you could make flan or tres leches cake.

The link is a spanish language radio station here in San Diego.

Seriously though, pack a suitcase and call a cab. Drive round the neighbourhood for a few minutes then shout out "fuck I've forgot my passport" then get the driver to turn round and go back home.

If you go on YouTube search for 2-3 hour long clips of forest or sea sounds. They can be really effective, then you can move on to the sensual ones later in the evening (my only serious suggestion so far), ending with one that plays night sounds (crickets etc) when you finally drift off.

A popular snack food here is fresh fruit (e.g. strawberries, mango, papaya and if you want cucumber and fresh coconut) cut up and served with lime juice and mild chili seasoning

@SavvyFishFinger
Bahahahahahahaaaaaaa

I need ideas for creative games or activities. And I'm not doing limbo or pinatas.

@buttfacedmiscreant
Sold on the fresh fruit as dessert!

Glitter, it is called "fruta con chile y limón" if you want to get fancy. If you get watermelon to include (a popular addition) you could use the left overs to make Agua Fresca.

Wince in pain whenever you carry out any of the above suggested activities. To be properly authentic and just like a "Brit on first day of hot holiday' you could put bright pink make up all around your strappy dress.

God that has reminded me...years ago I had a 12 month contract in a really difficult country where all the expats lived in a shitty compound.

We used to have dinner parties themed; 'Places we'd rather be'. One night that place was anywhere hot and tropical. We all came in our bathing suits and took turns sitting in the bath (which acted as the ocean) next to the kitty litter tray (that acted as the beach).

Alcohol may have been involved.

I'm loving your idea OP.

i.pinimg.com/736x/33/ef/23/33ef23c8d04ec9dbf996400e267614c9--fruta-fresca-viva-la.jpg

savvyfishfinger you have made my morning. all alone in kitchen with my coffee laughing like a drain

Great idea OP. Have fun!!

OP please PM me your home address. Around 7:30, when you are cooking I will call, your husband can let me in and give me £1,000 in an envelope. I will sample your cooking with a spoon before saying "lovely place you have here" then leave.

I promise you won't see me again.

This is hilarious!
Sounds like you should open to the public afterwards, as it seems more authentic than the crap Lapland experience that opens each winter and mysteriously goes bust!