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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to complain to next door's landlady.

63 replies

Gilead · 18/01/2018 22:46

Had the odd racist comment, not happy about that. Other than this, she seems to have taken it upon herself to police us. Should her shopping be delivered she waves me away with her hand and informs me that they won't be long, rather than asking if she wants delivery folk to move from shared drive so that I can go about my business. I did try to talk to her about this as it was a bit of a problem at the time, and got shouted at and she flounced off. We are constantly being watched, should we go out or arrive home you can hear her front door open and shut. Drives me nuts. A couple of days ago dd's boyfriend had his bike on her side of the drive for two minutes whilst he unlocked our garage door ( needed the angle to get it in) and good grief we had a fishwife on the drive.
I feel harassed and hounded and it's starting to really distress me.
There have been a couple of other incidents too, relatively minor but it's feeling cumulative. They're now in a position to see the drive from their house, which until recently they couldn't, so this evening have stood and watched all comings and goings.

OP posts:
MmmmmmBop · 19/01/2018 12:59

Rawhh is exactly right. How would you address this if she had bought the house? If her behaviour rises to the level of illegal / antisocial / threatening, then deal with it through the police. If it doesn't, then you need to either find some way to get along with her, or live with not getting along with her, or move as you say you're planning to do.

She doesn't sound nice and if she's been racist or is harassing you then I think you should report her to the police. But Esseyexx 's attitude of "she doesn't even own the place" is disgusting. Some people are easy to get along with and some people are not, but their housing status has nothing to do with it. Using the threat of eviction / potential homelessness to assert your power over a neighbour you don't like -
because either you can't be bothered to address it properly with the police, or you know it doesn't reach a level where they would be interested - would be truly despicable.

Littlebitshort · 19/01/2018 13:02

If your leaving anyway id ignore. If you start something now it will all be logged and you may find it difficult to sell and be stuck with her!

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 19/01/2018 13:02

She doesn’t even the own the place so shouldn’t be waving her hand shooing you off angry

Her status as a tenant has fuck all to do with her "right" to wave someone off with her hand,

An owner would be just as rude.

fleshmarketclose · 19/01/2018 13:10

My neighbour polices my movements as well and it drives me mad because I know that every time I leave or come back home she will open the door. When I'm feeling particularly pissed off about this I open and close the front door a few times for no reason for the sheer hell of knowing that each time I do she will open hers Grin

Original poster
Gilead · 19/01/2018 13:11

or dropping my kecks and mooning at her
I'm 60, that would be a) Most unattractive. b) Saggy and wrinkly c) Cold! Grin

She knows about my situation, why I have cPTSD and I suspect like many bullies has taken advantage. Hence the dismissive wave of the hand and 'he won't be long' when I try to leave with delivery van there. She has him take it all in too, not just a drop on the doorstep.
I don't care whether or not she's a tenant, I just thought that the LL would be the appropriate way to go. Were she an owner I'm not sure what I'd do. As I said, I don't want to go to the police if I don't have to.

OP posts:
Mrsdraper1 · 19/01/2018 13:20

Sorry this is happening. Having horrible neighbours is an awful feeling. It erodes your feeling of safety which you should have in your own home.
Personally if you know the landlord I would talk to them but in a way of putting them in the picture of the kind of person they have living in their house. But I would stress I don't want them to do anything, just to be aware. I used to work for a letting agency and if we had heard this info about any of our tenants we wouldn't have contacted them. However we may have chosen when it came up to not renew the tenancy, and not accept the person as a tenant again. Only if the info came from a trusted source. Depends on how well you know them.
As for reporting racism to the police, personally I would have to weigh up that one. Really you absolutely should report it. However real life isn't that straightforward and it depends on how seriously the police would take it and how much they would support you.
Some people would stop after being spoken to the police. Some people get worse and escalate the behaviour.
Why don't you go and discuss it with them to test the water. Say you want to talk about it informally to start with to find out what they would do etc. You might then think they are going to support me and it will be effective. You might think they are not going to be helpful and it's going to add fuel to the fire.
If you were staying long term then I would say you have to do it.
If you are moving this year then I would think carefully, because your mental health is very important and you have to protect yourself .
It's very difficult, neither option is great tbh.
I'm just sorry that arseholes like that are making people's lives miserable.

Schlimbesserung · 19/01/2018 13:21

Is her delivery on the same day each week? If so, could you move your car beforehand so that it isn't possible for it to be blocked in? If the delivery van has to park on the road then that's just tough.
As for the rest, I'd go with the cheerful waving and false friendliness because it will drive her mad but she won't have anything concrete to complain about.

BishopBrennansArse · 19/01/2018 13:25

Ring the supermarket and ask them to park on the road and trolley the shopping up (DH former delivery man, they have kit for this).

Otherwise next time she bitches about the motorbike just state calmly that you're returning the same consideration she gives you.

Keep a diary of all her anti social behaviour.

Original poster
Gilead · 19/01/2018 13:27

When I'm feeling particularly pissed off about this I open and close the front door a few times for no reason for the sheer hell of knowing that each time I do she will open hers
I may have done this once or twice...
Wink

Is her delivery on the same day each week?
Unfortunately not.

OP posts:
veuveo · 19/01/2018 13:37

Shopping delivery is 5mins max, if this is your main gripe then yabu.
And her moaning about you being in the drive- you're doing the same thing! Just not shouting.

LL won't be able to do much, only real issue you have is racism which should be reported to police.
Anything you report you should declare when you are selling the house.
If I were you, I'd just put up with it while you sell.

Original poster
Gilead · 19/01/2018 13:45

And her moaning about you being in the drive- you're doing the same thing! Just not shouting.
Actually I've not been given the opportunity to do the same thing. Had there been a discussion I may have felt a little better. I don't like being bullied. As for five minutes max. 1) No it isn't. 2) As I've said, I need to be able to come and go freely, for a variety of reasons, some being that dd is disabled and needs to be picked up urgently or taken out as a matter of urgency. Other times it's about appointments and being on time.

OP posts:
ThePinkPanter · 19/01/2018 13:46

How come it's irrelevant how long somebody else parks on your drive but the length of time you're on hers doesn't matter because it was so short?

Unless she's ordering for the five thousand the delivery driver -who she has no control over- wouldn't be there more than 5mins.

veuveo · 19/01/2018 13:48

How long does the delivery driver take then??

Original poster
Gilead · 19/01/2018 13:51

Usually about 15 minutes.
With regard to being on her drive, yes it was a short time, but it wasn't blocking anyone. Had she asked me politely to move, I would have explained. Anybody reasonable would be able to see clearly what was happening. Anybody reasonable would have allowed one of the three of us to speak. But no, just yelled out and stormed off.

OP posts:
ItStartedWithAKiss241 · 19/01/2018 13:52

Hmm... maybe figure out what your problem is with her first... she used the shared drive to get shopping delivered and open and shuts her doors?? This sounds reasonable.
Being racist and anti-social is not reasonable x

ThePinkPanter · 19/01/2018 14:01

Anyone reasonable would understand it's nothing to do with her where someone else parks. Complain to the shop.

They would also realise their circumstances aren't more special than yours. You can't complain that someone else did what you did; regardless of whether a car was coming in or out.

The fact that you seem to imply you were being really nice moving your car to let her out speaks volumes. That is not going out of your way for someone. It is basic courtesy.

I don't think you're as considerate as you think you are. But I do get that your anxiety and ptsd probably makes it harder to have a more balanced perception of the situation. Her being racist and shouting isn't right either though.

Original poster
Gilead · 19/01/2018 14:18

thePinkPanther I agree that moving my car would be a basic courtesy were it in the way. Moving it because they haven't got enough room to swing a micra round on an eight car drive is doing something nice.
Blocking me on an eight car drive is unreasonable. There are places where the delivery drivers could park without blocking me, but it's marginally more convenient to rock up and leave the van in the middle of the drive. Asking him to move, not hard.
My problem with her is that she's rude, bullying, doesn't listen and wants it all her way.

OP posts:
MrsDoyleFallingOutTheWindow · 19/01/2018 14:25

I don't see how a food delivery can take 15 minutes. Have you ever actually needed to get out while they're there? I mean, has it stopped you doing anything?

MrsDoyleFallingOutTheWindow · 19/01/2018 14:27

Because tbh apart from the racist comments it sounds like both of you are making mountains out of molehills because you don't like each other. Doors opening, short term use of part of a shared drive ... these are not major issues.

Weezol · 19/01/2018 14:30

Am I reading this right it thinking she is shouting abuse at your disabled child as well as being loudly racist?

Original poster
Gilead · 19/01/2018 14:36

Weezol Yes.

MrsDoyle I have been prevented from leaving the property or gaining access to the property, more than once.

OP posts:
DullAndOld · 19/01/2018 14:36

" She doesn’t even the own the place so shouldn’t be waving her hand shooing you off angry "

sorry but that is bollocks. It is her house whether she rents or buys.

However, the racist abuse is something different. Can you be more specific?

Also having her shopping on the drive for a few minutes or looking out of her window at you are really not major 'offences' are they?

Original poster
Gilead · 19/01/2018 14:40

Also having her shopping on the drive for a few minutes or looking out of her window at you are really not major 'offences' are they?
No, they're not. However, preventing me from leaving or getting home is a problem, particularly if I have disabled dd with me. Opening the front door every time she hears anything is a tad frustrating and odd. It makes me feel uncomfortable, which admittedly is my problem. The window problem will be resolved when the fence is fixed.
I've decided to leave it for now. I'm putting the house on the market in the spring and it should sell fairly quickly. If anything escalates I'll get the police involved.

OP posts:
DullAndOld · 19/01/2018 14:42

yes get the police involved if there is any racist abuse, definitely.
However using her status as a tenant against her , and going to the LL would be wrong, IMO.

Weezol · 19/01/2018 14:52

If she starts shouting at DD again, I'd advise police involvement. That and the racism are hate crimes.