to ask if you could go back in time knowing what you know now...

[thetellyismybestfriend]

...what would you do differently or what do you wish you could tell younger you (at any age/stage in life)?

I know people generally say 'no regrets', but I think many of us must have things we'd see and do differently with the amazing benefit of hindsight.

Can be as light hearted or as deep thinking as you like but I think mine would be to go back to my mid to late teens and to stop such negative self-thinking. I was so desperately unconfident (beyond that of the typical teen) and I look back at how much I missed out on and how much I emotionally tortured myself because I believed I wasn't liked and had nothing to offer.

DM often says she wishes she had appreciated her body in her youth and not been so obsessed with dieting and weight loss.

What about yours?

To follow the career you want. Don’t just go to uni because you have the opportunity and your parents want you to benefit from an opportunity not open to them

Not to have studied the holocaust whilst at uni. Properly f#%^kd me up though I kind of already was on that path (due to having to fend off the beneficiaries in my teens and family stories).

I would have tried harder to make DH give up smoking before he developed lung cancer.

Fuck, where do I start?! I’d have sworn less ;)

I’d have trained to do something creative rather than the sad-ass hodge-podge of officey skills that I have which are putting me in jobs that are killing my spirit.

I’d tell my younger self to wrap my head around the concept that men are not hiding some secret lovely self & are perpetually on the bloody verge of treating me well. If they appear cold and a bit nasty - they are. If they promise the moon and deliver nothing - that shall continue, ye unto the time foretold.

Don’t be so sweet and trusting younger self - unpleasant people can smell it a mile off and will take advantage, sooner rather than later.

I wish I had focused properly on my studies and career. Saved money and spent less time worrying about clothes and more time becoming financially independent.

Travelled more and been far more selective who I let into my life.
Treasured my body as much as it has treasured me.
On the whole I am amazed my life worked out as well as it did

I would have done college and uni, and had a good job that uses my brain, had kids much later if at all and travelled more.
Would also try my best to get my db and dm to stop smoking, both lost to lung cancer way too early.

Arken is that still how you feel now? It's never too late to build up some self esteem. There are many ways you can do this. There are plenty of threads where people have posted feeling like you do and there's some good suggestions. Hobbies, interests, mindfulness, yoga, counselling etc. Good luck

Yes, I'd have maybe tried to steer dc1 out of their all-consuming vocational training and onto a different career path. It's all gone pear-shaped and with the benefit of hindsight there are a lot of things DH and I would do differently.

I’d have gone to uni
Bought a house the day I was old enough to get a mortgage
Avoided a few unsavoury men

In answer to the OP I'd encourage myself to worry less about the approval and acceptance of my peers from age 6 up until...well a couple of years ago.

Yes. I’d go back and make different career choices.

One thing I am glad I did was to protect my body. I am so glad lots of men didn't use me, I am really glad I didn't have lots of sex with men that just wanted to use me.

I would have advised myself to be more career minded. I’m in my early 30s now and doing glorified admin work! Maybe I should have stuck with nursing after all!

Not to waste years of my life with the wrong men and had children sooner

Defo lost weight earlier. I now have the body but the face is going! I was deluded into thinking i was thin by supportive family and friends which was kind, I know, but I would have had so much more confidence as deep down i knew it wasn’t true.

Ditto the poster who said realising that not everything was about me. I spent so much time worrying about what people thought of me, it’s take me a very long time to realise that they probably didn’t think about me much at all!! Anxiety at the root of that.

Bought property earlier. Saved harder - guess that is standard!

Arlen, I feel like that sometimes. Not due to bullying when I was young, but bullying exh and then colleagues, all since age 30. The death of Hope.

But I make myself open every single mental cupboard till I find something that makes me smile. Last night I realized if I could travel again to place X, I would feel restored and at peace and my face would make that funny smiling thing.

So hunt through your mental cupboard and find something you can do that relies on you only, but which makes you smile. There is something to look forward to that does not rely on others. It can be tricky to find it (when your mental cupboards are full of gunk), but it’s there

Oh and I would stop worrying about the judgey types they exist everywhere. Be yourself. Your rules, your life.

Be selective in every way!!!!

I would have pushed myself to learn to drive at 17 not 25. Not sure it would have changed my life drastically but living out in the sticks, being able to drive would have given me more options and made me less reliant on others.

I would like to go back and give myself a hug and tell me it would all be okay in the end. But I wouldn’t actually change anything as I wouldn’t risk changing meeting dh and having dd.

I would have continued with my career (part time) and never given it up. Had my own money and stayed true to myself. Would never have given everything up for my estranged, turned controlling husband.

Would also still have had my children.

Oh I'd say a lot!

1. Try harder at school - I was a great student until 14/15

1. You are a size 10...double figures is not fat and you are actually beautiful

1. Walk away from him now, you will survive on your own - in fact true happiness will greet you immediately

1. Your Mum is not being unfair, she loves you and hates seeing you like this so is doing everything she can to stop you hurting

1. Smoking does not make you grown up and its bloody hard to quit

And last but certainly not least...your foundation looks like you have been smacked in the face by an umper lumper!

I’d have told DP, who I have known for 25 years, that I fancy him sooner. About 25 years sooner in fact. And have had kids with him instead of my useless abusive arse of an ex. Though I suppose I wouldn’t have my actual DCs, and I’m not sure I would have fully appreciated the wonderful man DP is without the intervening heartbreak...so maybe it was all for the best?