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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask why she can’t just be happy for us?

54 replies

Placeboooooooo · 18/01/2018 16:12

Ive recently found out I was pregnant following two M/C. One at 8 weeks and the other at 13 weeks which was absolutely awful.

I’m overweight, have lost a dress size in preparation for falling pregnant, I don’t weight myself as for obsessive with it as a teenager I’m currently a size 18, was hoping to lose more but caught on unexpectedly! I’m currently 15 weeks and have a 4 YO DD.

My DM was bloody awful when she found out about my last M/C after I’d accidentally left a box of pregna care on the work top. I broke down and had to explain that I wasn’t pregnant and had lost the baby. She has always been a cow about my weight and I’ve got a horrendous relationship with food as a result, it’s all or nothing. I have never been able to have that balance of eating enough to be able to lose weight at a steady pace but be full at the same time. I’ve always starved myself and lost a lot of weight in a short space of time. I lost the dress size in less than 3 weeks. I know it’s not good for me. Anyway, 10 minutes after she found out about my M/C She blamed my weight ‘well you really want to be thinking about losing weight if you want to conceive, your body has to support you and the baby and probably couldn’t cope because you had weight on.’ My size 8 SIL miscarried the week after and DM was taking her out for coffee and supporting her yet the same thing had happened to me and she’s bollocking me about my weight.

Myself and DP told my DM that we were expecting again a week ago. We made it clear that she was the first person to know other than ourselves and that we’d kept it quiet for so long due to what happened last time. She just put her head in her hands and told me how I was putting a huge strain on my already ‘struggling’ body (the body that chases sheep and cows up and down hill tops, has already given birth once and looks after DD Hmm ) also I’m putting a huge strain on the NHS and that it’s not fair to put an unborn baby at risk by getting pregnant while overweight.

She just can’t be happy for us. My partner asked her to leave our house before she could say anymore. I had a normal pregnancy and birth with DD. I feel as though everyone is looking down on me and tutting because I’ve fallen pregnant while still overweight.

AIBU for being pissed of with her?

OP posts:
Placeboooooooo · 20/01/2018 09:18

Thank you all. Unfortunately for me this is normal behaviour. It’s got to the point where I don’t like going out because I feel like everyone will be looking at me and judging me. Tutting and shaking their heads behind my back.

When I go shopping I feel as though everyone’s looking in my trolley and judging what I buy even though 90% of it is healthy. I know some of it is anxiety and paranoia as I don’t give another thought to what others have in their trolleys.

OP posts:
ReggaetonLente · 20/01/2018 09:27

She sounds absolutely awful. Is she overweight herself? My mum is a bit like this, not as bad, but it's because she feels shit about herself and wants others to feel equally insecure.

Enjoy this special time OP, so many women bigger than you have perfectly straightforward and healthy pregnancies and babies. And many women smaller than you don't - as I'm sure you know it's sadly often just luck of the draw.

Don't let her get you down, focus on DP and DD. Wishing you all the luck in the world with this pregnancy Flowers

Placeboooooooo · 20/01/2018 10:59

Thank you, no she’s around a size 8/10 and has a husband who tells her off if she eats cake. She was quite hefty as a child though from what I can gather.

OP posts:
BigBaboonBum · 20/01/2018 11:02

Congratulations and she can fuck right off

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