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AIBU?

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Original poster

Help needed 2 potential fathers

28 replies

Penny123455 · 18/01/2018 08:33

Help needed!

Hi everyone.

I'm really having a difficult time at the moment and it's really starting to affect me mentally. My last menstrual period was 27 July (28 day cycle) my app told me I was ovulating on 9th August and that's when we had sex early that morning. I had cramping pains that day. On Saturday morning from being out with friends I ended up round an older man's house not knowing what had happened to me and I think he had sex with me. I have had an private ultrasound that put conception date on August 8 and August 9 and my NHS scans that put conception date on August 9 too. It has affected me that much I did a prenatal paternity test in Canada where I got a 99.9 percent that my current partner is the father. Is there anyone that can advise me as I'm 25 weeks now and it's really affecting me as a person and I feel like I can't carry on

OP posts:
Monoblock67 · 18/01/2018 08:34

It doesn’t sound like there are two potential fathers, you’ve proved that your current partner is the dad as close as you can.

I’m sorry that you experienced that with the older man though. Have you reported it to the police?

TeenTimesTwo · 18/01/2018 08:36
Flowers Talk to your midwife, and say you think you were raped shortly after what you think was the conception date and ask for counselling/advice?
IcingSausage · 18/01/2018 08:40

That’s utterly awful Penny, I’m so sorry that happened to you Flowers

You definitely need to speak to your midwife/GP and try to arrange to speak to someone about what happened to you.

In terms of who the father is, if a dna test has proved with 99.9% accuracy that your current partner is the father then that is conclusive. He is your baby’s dad.

Original poster
Penny123455 · 18/01/2018 09:01

Thank you everyone for your kind comments. I have spoken with my midwife about this and she did strongly advise me to report this to the police but I've been so scared my current partner will find out. I've been making myself ill and every day searching websites every day about implantation and positive pregnancy tests as I got a positive test clear blue digital August 20th August which would have been 8 days after that man. Which I don't think seems possible. Thanks everyone again

OP posts:
Whatshallidonowpeople · 18/01/2018 09:03

All 2 scans have put conception as 9th and Saturday was the 12th

honeysucklejasmine · 18/01/2018 09:05

There is no doubt about paternity here. It sounds like you are focussing on this as a way of dealing with the assault. Definitely try to arrange some counseling. I'm sorry you're going through this.

BarbarianMum · 18/01/2018 09:08

Who have you spoken to about this in rl? I think trying to deal with something like this alone is likely to cause you significant distress. Could you call Rape Crisis and speak to them as a starting point? I think that's more of a priority than calling the police as you need support.

The pre-natal test shows that your partner is your baby's father so please stop worrying about that.

YellowFlower201 · 18/01/2018 09:08

Your partner is the father. Try to get help op. You need support.

Original poster
Penny123455 · 18/01/2018 09:14

Yes that's correct

OP posts:
Original poster
Penny123455 · 18/01/2018 09:15

Sorry didn't mean to reply with that. Thank you I've been told this many of times but I can't seem to get it out of my head

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 18/01/2018 09:18

That's why finding someone supportive you can talk things through with is so important. It can really help. Flowers

Original poster
Penny123455 · 18/01/2018 09:20

I think I need counselling as this is haunting me thanks everyone.is.it possible to get a positive clear blue 8 days after conception. My HCG levels on a blood test were 75 2 days before my period.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 18/01/2018 09:29

The pre-natal test you did shows the baby is your partner's. You don't need to worry about any of that stuff.

picklemepopcorn · 18/01/2018 09:30

Penny, you've suffered a trauma. You really need support to deal with it.

Original poster
Penny123455 · 18/01/2018 09:31

Can anyone advise roughly how long it takes to get a positive pregnancy test? X

OP posts:
Kitsharrington · 18/01/2018 09:31

As gently as possible, you have your answer from the paternity test. I don't think this is about paternity, it is about what happened to you that saturday evening. You should speak to your GP (or midwife) for a referral to a counselling service.

fannyfelcher · 18/01/2018 09:33

Oh OP you really need to get some counselling. It seems to me that you are focusing on this issue of the older man being the father, and worrying yourself sick as a way to regain control over the situation. The control that you lacked when he did whatever he did that you do not remember. This is not surprising at all but your energy is misdirected. You know in your heart that the test result is correct and all evidence proves that your partner is the father. But now you need to deal with this. The longer you leave it the worse damage it will cause in your life.

Go get counselling, you can tell your OH that it is just because you are worried about becoming a mum and have a little bit of depression or anxiety. He really does not need to know if you do not want him to.

TremendousWorkGodfrey · 18/01/2018 09:37

The baby is yours and your partners. Deep down you know that but obsessing over the paternity is a way of displacing the trauma you have been through. Please, please go and speak to your GP, you need professional support to help you get through this.
In the mean time rapecrisis.org.uk might be able to you.

Take care.

Inthedeepdarkwinter · 18/01/2018 09:39

The prenatal DNA test cannot be advertised at 100% as nothing in life is 100% but 99.9% means they are certain, absolutely certain, that your partner is the father.

I'm sorry you are so anxious and agree with everyone that perhaps speaking to your GP or a counsellor/helpline relating to what happened is the way forward.

You don't need to calculate pregnancy times/tests as the answer is already categorically established.

Stitchit · 18/01/2018 09:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pannacott · 18/01/2018 09:44

I'm sorry this has happened. I agree you sound like you could really do with some support or counselling.

How do you think your partner would react if he knew? Are you scared of him finding out?

But to answer your question, I usually tested daily from about 9dpo, and got a positive on day 11 or day 12, negatives up until then. One person I know got a positive on day 10, but that's the earliest I've ever heard of. If you go to the website Fertility Friend, you can find other women's charts, see the smallest gap between ovulation and testing positive. I don't think, from the timing (and also the paternity testing obviously) that anyone but your partner could be the father.

JenniferL90 · 18/01/2018 09:49

In my experience 8 days wouldn't get a + on a clear blue xxxx

This must be so so hard for you, but all the signs do really really point to your partner being the father.

I do think you need to tell him though, keeping this secret is eating you up inside.

Morphene · 18/01/2018 09:50

OP I have had a similar experience with a trauma occurring that caused me to doubt the origin of my child. In my case the trauma was birth and my doubt was that my child was mine (rather than being uncertain about the father).

The facts are easy to prove, the DNA is conclusive. The doubt remains because of the trauma....again I had the same thing.

What fixed things for me was processing the trauma. I would seek help support and counselling over the rape. I think this would go a long way to resolving your feelings of doubt (which are only feelings, the facts are established).

Shattered04 · 18/01/2018 09:52

The digital tests are not as sensitive as the regular tests - you'd have to have ovulated on the 12th late in the day (eggs don't last long) and even then the chances of a BFP at an early (as you'd have to have ovulated late) 8dpo on a digital are close to zero. There's just not enough for the sensor to be certain, even if you can see a squinter on a regular stick.

Plus the DNA testing is as close to definite as you are ever going to get, honestly.

I'm so sorry this happened to you and you're so worried about it. Flowers

Original poster
Penny123455 · 18/01/2018 10:51

Thank you everyone. The comments have made me really understand that this is affecting me in not a good way and that I need to rely on these results. You have given someone hope in all of this. Thank you and I will get some counselling. I've been worried as some people say the prenatal tests are unreliable etc

OP posts:
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