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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to think Dh should manage to do an online shop?

37 replies

FuckingBastard89 · 18/01/2018 07:12

I work what is essentially 0 hours/casual , but my hours are steady (at least 30 a week) I've been putting in more hours over the last 6 weeks, at one point doing 2 weeks with only 3 days off, most days I've been out of the house 7am until 9-11pm (depends on finish time) It's been tough but I wanted to help out my team (1 persons left and another is having surgery). The money is good and is increasing our house savings, Dh is doing 4 days a week 8am until 8;30pm which is his standard hours, he has been pitching in more at home. Stuff like cleaning isn't up to my standard but that's alright. He's trying. One thing is he keeps "forgetting" to do any shopping, meaning at the moment the fridge and freezer are empty.
We shop 90% online but visit the local market for fruit and veg.
Aibu to think he should be able to manage an online shop?

I'm doing it today after he's been "too busy" "didn't think about it" "was going to drive to the shops" (nearest supermarket would be about a 5hr round trip in the car; a journey both of us hate doing!)

To add insult to injury the next delivery isn't available until the 27th. As we're so far away from the shops only four slots a week (2x Wednesday and 2x on Saturday) are available. Only one place delivers. So it's going to be a very boring week with mostly dried stuff from the back of the cupboards cobbled together, or I might break and brave the journey. I have to be quite on the ball and book slots in advance by a week to 10 days in advance even if I have to amend my order later (eg I'll add a few random bits, check out then amend a day or two before). If I leave it later than Saturday for a Wednesday slot or Tuesday/Wednesday for a Saturday slot the slots are definitely going to be gone, sometimes sooner which is why I'm so on the ball. He knows this!
I'm slightly fuming...

OP posts:

TonbridgeTammy · 18/01/2018 07:14

Annoying!

Why not sit down and agree to book the same slot each week and both add to the list as you go along?

TonbridgeTammy · 18/01/2018 07:17

But the I suppose you still have the issue of remembering/not remembering to book it. If only you could block book months at a time.

Original poster

FuckingBastard89 · 18/01/2018 07:18

We normally do - I mostly get the Saturday slot (unless we're both working Saturday so no one will be home to receive the order) but I add stuff to it. Maybe I should try to get him into doing parts of it or something so he's not so out of his depth fucking useless when I have a busy time at work!

OP posts:

Original poster

FuckingBastard89 · 18/01/2018 07:18

That would be fab tonbridge might email them

OP posts:

ShatnersBassoon · 18/01/2018 07:21

Is there nothing like a Spar or Co-op convenience store anywhere on the way to or near either of your workplaces? You could buy a small amount of fresh stuff there. And the local market - are there no small shops near it? In other words, there must be fresh food available less than 2.5 hours away.

But yes, he should have got himself organised and got some shopping. That's annoying.

Original poster

FuckingBastard89 · 18/01/2018 07:25

The markets only run on the 2nd and fourth Sunday's of the month. There's a small shop (similar to a spar I guess) about 90 minutes (one way) away. So total 3hr time driving.
The bigger shops are normally only 4 hours away (2hrs each way) but current roadworks that have been going on forever (2.5 months but feels like forever) and disturbed by recent ish flooding mean that you have to take the longer road. It's a bit of a nightmare, really.

OP posts:

Ginmakesitallok · 18/01/2018 07:29

Where on earth do you live that is 90 minutes from a shop???

Whatshallidonowpeople · 18/01/2018 07:29

Why are so many of you married/living with incompetent, child men? It isn't funny or endearing.

Original poster

FuckingBastard89 · 18/01/2018 07:30

Rural Australia gin

OP posts:

KungFuEric · 18/01/2018 07:34

Yeah, I can't even imagine the highlands of Scotland don't have access to food supplies shorter than an hour away. Not doubting you, just sort of curious about where this is? Are you in the U.K.?

I think if food supplies really are so tricky to get to it needs to be a priority and there needs to be communication. Does he understand about the booking system?

annandale · 18/01/2018 07:37

I'd ask him what he was going to do about it tbh. But I quite like dried bean stew and he doesn't so I could wait it out.

KungFuEric · 18/01/2018 07:37

I also kind of feel like if it's always been your role to arrange the food order then you should have prioritised that over taking on additional work to add to savings. It's no good having savings if there's no access to food in the house.

Original poster

FuckingBastard89 · 18/01/2018 07:43

So you'd prioritise doing a food order over extras of circa $4,500 post deductions into your mortgage? Wow.

OP posts:

Original poster

FuckingBastard89 · 18/01/2018 07:44

Mortgage fund*

OP posts:

calzone · 18/01/2018 07:48

I’m intrigued......

Rural Australia is where you live......just out of interest, why aren’t there places to shop if there are places to work and people!

And what do you both do for work?

KungFuEric · 18/01/2018 07:52

If I lived a minimum of 3 hours away from a food source then yes I'd consider it a priority.

Do you drive to work? Do gas stations out there have food supplies?

If my husband took responsibility for getting the central heating gas card/coal for the fire and our only access to a heat source was through booking in advance or a 3/5hr trip and he chose to take on extra shifts without arranging the heating beforehand I'd be annoyed. If he was incapacitated through illness or something then I'd guess i would have to do the thinking for both of us, but doing a few more shifts doesn't mean you can drop out of your existing responsibilities when it comes to basics like food.

If you feel like you need to rearrange the responsibilities then that needs to be communicated fully and understood by both parties.

calzone · 18/01/2018 07:54

I’m impressed that the supermarkets deliver so far away......

I’m 25 minutes from Iceland and they won’t deliver......bastards.

lynmilne65 · 18/01/2018 07:58

You could have done it in the time it took to write your post!

Original poster

FuckingBastard89 · 18/01/2018 07:58

That's why the supermarkets only deliver 2 days I presume. There is talk that they're getting a feel for who wants their products in this area as they may be considering putting a store up here but I'm not sure how true that is. Would be good though.

You can only book so far in advance, kung. I sorted out the first 2 but it's been 6 weeks and he knew he'd have to do it. As for "few more shifts" I've been pretty much doubling my hours for 6 weeks. It's not an odd shift here and there!
Sorry, I'm not answering questions about my occupation. I'm not here for show and tell. I also don't know why there isn't a Woolworths around the corner, I don't decide where they put there shops, I can only presume it's not worth it for them.

OP posts:

LalalaLeah · 18/01/2018 07:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

FuckingBastard89 · 18/01/2018 07:59

Yeah because I'm not working today lyn as already stated I'm doing the delivery today I'm pissed he hasn't already done it though!

OP posts:

KungFuEric · 18/01/2018 08:02

But that's what I mean, you shouldn't have agreed to double your hours if you can't manage.

Original poster

FuckingBastard89 · 18/01/2018 08:05

I agreed to double my hours on the understanding he'd pick up some extra things at home.
He hasn't done that, despite saying he would and constant reminders. It's not like I did it and didn't tell him it was expected of him.

OP posts:

CactaiReef · 18/01/2018 08:24

Another rural Aussie here OP. I live in a similarly rural area though only 1.5hr from the nearest store. Coles used to deliver on a Monday and Friday mind you they don't anymore.

On no other thread like this have I seen an OP questioned about what job they do... not really relevant to the thread. Odd.
Something like 90% of people here live within the coast most places further inland are fairly unpopulated and rural. There are also rural towns mostly between North Queensland and central Queensland, a lot of the NT and parts of western Australia on the coast. It's really not something to quiz op about.

There are places in Australia where you're five times closest to the moon than you are the nearest town!

Back to the OP,
He sounds a bit of a wet leaf really. I'd make him do the 5 hour trip and do a big stock up. Handy in case you get cut off by bad weather or more road works. The councils never seem to care much about the people who can't get in or out. I remember when they started working on the dirt roads near me but didn't bother warning anyone more than just under 2 days in advance and nobody could get in or out for over a week... was a nightmare.

Pannacott · 18/01/2018 08:27

Er crazy responses telling you you shouldn't have picked up more work if you then can't do an online shop, when you have an entirely capable OH who could do it.

Yes of course he should be doing it. Frustrating that he hasn't. Does he need coaching? Reminders set on his phone? You shouldn't need to but you do need food in the cupboards. I presume he's otherwise pretty good and this isn't going to turn into a drip feed abusive husband LTB shocker

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