SAHM/Homemakers - What do you do all day?

[Fruem]

Those who choose to be a SAHM/homemaker, who don’t ‘have’ to work, what do you do all day?!

I’m talking the SAHM’s who don’t work from home. Who don’t have to look after the kids all day etc.

If you’ve done cleaning/washing/shopping etc. How do you fill your day?

I would love to be able to stay at home.

I do think the model of well paid jobs requiring a whole other person to not work is problematic for society generally though.

I do a senior job and earn plenty (enough, in fact, that splitting my salary between DH and I would not result in us getting child benefit) but I run my life such that I can take part in family life. I finish at 4.30, I work from home a lot and I work flexibly. This is despite having a non-working husband. I just want to be fully involved with my child and believe it's the right thing to do.

I think men are encouraged/ socialised/ whatever to believe that they can and should just delegate all the family bit to someone at home. So they do. My experience shows that this often isn't actually necessary, it's just culturally expected. Plus it's sometimes an excuse to avoid bedtime of course!

Yes EXACTLY splendide

I actually think once a couple has children, regardless of the child's age, there needs to be someone at home full time, unless you are wealthy enough to outsource the domestic chores. Look at these boards...full of angst and stress over childcare/housework and the division of.

In the cases I’ve heard of it’s usually the lowest earner that stays at home and not some sort of man must go to work and woman stay at home situation.

I thankfully don’t know any men like this. All my SAHM’s partners play a very active part in the child’s lives.
Unfortunately not all jobs have the option of flexible working.

I don’t agree formerbabe. There’s always the options of one parent working part time and I know lots that both work full time even and manage their household just fine.

I think what you speak of is more of a marriage issue.

I don’t agree formerbabe. There’s always the options of one parent working part time and I know lots that both work full time even and manage their household just fine

Yes you can manage a household fine if you both work full time if you have

A. Lots of family support/free childcare

And/or

B. Successful careers that allow you to afford to outsource domestic chores and pay for more flexible, expensive childcare ie nannies rather than cm/nursery/after-school club.

I think we have come a long way in making the workplace equal for men and women.
The pay gap seems to happen when a woman takes mat leave/ time of to provide childcare.
I don't think it's a problem for employers to solve, but the couples themselves.
Man shouldn't be the better paid by default and women should insist that their partner takes paternity leave and puts her career first if she wants a career.
I don't think both can work ft and have senior roles and family life/time not suffer. Unless of course they can arrange for one to work at home with hours to suit the family, or afford to outsource all domestic responsibilities.

My friend and her husband both work full time and don’t have support and manage just fine and it’s hardly any different to doing the housework prebaby. They only have one child though. Do you think it’s maybe bigger families your aluding too?

you’re

I thankfully don’t know any men like this. All my SAHM’s partners play a very active part in the child’s lives.

I’m just going on what I read on here. It seems to be impossible for most husbands to leave the office.

There are thousands of SAHMs (& Dads) who do volunteering - who do you think runs the Food Banks, Homeless shelters, Womens' refuges, meals on wheels, The Samaritans, lunch clubs for the elderly, riding for the disabled, litter picks, Parish Councils, clearing footpaths, mother and toddler groups etc etc etc ?

I've volunteered with Samaritans for a couple of years (while working full time with two secondary age kids). To be honest, I was shocked how few SAHPs there were there. Almost everyone either worked (usually full time) or was retired. Very few SAHPs or very-part-time working parents that I know do significant volunteering, beyond a bit of PTA stuff. I find it disappointing tbh. And yes I have to bite my tongue when those people tell me they don't know how I find the time. I don't feel I'm allowed to answer that I don't understand how they can't find the time. Though having seen how much time people on this thread waste on housework/shopping/running around after older kids I'm getting an idea.

My hubby is a stay at home dad and because I work from home (except when I am traveling) I can say that he drops the kids off at school and childminder and then watches telly, has naps, fills the dishwasher, makes me cups of tea, watches more telly. Picks up kids, makes evening meal.

I have said, 'would you not prefer to work' and he laughs and laughs and laughs.

ConciseandNice Why does you use a child minded if your husband is a SAHD? Can he be classed as a SAHD if you have a child minder though as his job isn’t really looking after the kids?

Being a sahm rocks

do you use a child minder should read

Passthestarmix God that's an excellent point. You're right. I have said that our youngest has to go the a childminder, because our son loves her and he has fun, sees other kids etc. With my husband he'd watch Game of Thrones and eat toast all day. You're right he isn't a SAHD, He's a layabout actually. Oh my God. I've just had an epiphany. Thanks!

Gym
PT Sessions
Cinema/lunch/coffee with friends
Ironing, washing, tidying.
Shopping & Meal planning

I only have 3 child free days at present but will have 5 come September and can't see things changing much.

Hi! I have a 4 month old baby but just wanted to join in this thread. So my daily tasks are: one load of washing/drying/putting away and no we don't have a tumble drier. We don't have a dish washer either so several loads of washing up as well as sterilizing daily. I have a two week rolling rota for cleaning so each room is dusted/polished/hoovered/mopped/tidied at least once a fortnight (actually quite hard with a baby I've discovered). Beds changed, bathrooms disinfected, kitchen deep cleaned Inc. Grill/hob/microwave etc. The baby's clothes are soaked in vanish before they are washed to remove stains as well!

I cook dinner from scratch every day and it's on the table by 6 when DH gets home. I do a shop once a week and go around a few stores for the best deals.

From what I can gather, your financial situation has a big impact on how much free time you have. We don't have much left once the bills are paid so I'm busy all day every day and rarely have a shower until DH gets home!

We can't afford help/a dishwasher/ready meals so those things take time. But, when I'm winning I get to sit on MN for a while. Until very recently I also pumped 8 times a day as I struggled to breastfeed but I was drowning in housework and utterly exhausted so I had to call it a day.

Hope this answers your question!

ConciseandNice This really isn’t fair on you? You’re working earning all of the money and your dh is doing nothing? it’s fair enough if he was looking after dc if they’re babies or small but now they’re in school and one at a child minder there’s nothing stopping your dh working. I don’t mean to pry and sorry I don’t mean to cause offence. The situation just doesn’t sound fair on you.

I’m saying it’s a shame they’re not remaining as brilliant surgeons

But if they choose to spend the time with their children rather than be a brilliant surgeon, why Is that a shame?

I mean you may prefer him at home and if you’re happy that’s fair enough though. If that was my dh he’s be getting shipped out to work!

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