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Original poster

Pls help

32 replies

lina38 · 15/01/2018 17:38

Posting here for traffic.

I need some advice on who I can contact for advice!

Long story short, my ex is displaying worrying signs of mental health. I've always suspected something but now it's intensifying and I'm worried about how it may affect the kids.

I called him tonight to ask him not to allow the children on their devices at bedtime as I don't do it here and it's affecting their schooling and attitude. He said ok but then out of nowhere, started talking about politics, conspiracies, aliens, the government poisoning our children with vaccines, chemtrails, the devil, the clintons... I could go on!

It's always concerned me that he held such extreme views but since I've left him (4 years ago) he seems to have invested his whole life into his conspiracy theories. According to my kids, he tells them about this every day and shows little interest in what's going on in their life. But- they love him and still want to see him. Kids are 8,10 and 15.

I've contacted SS and spoken to solicitors in the past regarding my concerns for neglect (whole other thread) but they didn't deem it serious enough. I was also told my concerns wouldn't hold up in court if I went for supervised access.

As it stands we have a 50/50 informal custody. The thing is, I don't wish him bad. I feel sorry for him. But I can't insist he gets help as he sees nothing wrong and would flip if I suggested otherwise. But more to the point, I worry about my kids and what their heads are being filled with. And, if he does something dramatic one day and harms them and himself.

He sounded like a lunatic. I don't wanna put the kids through hell again only to be told the courts can't enforce anything!

Pls help

OP posts:
Confusedbeetle · 15/01/2018 17:54

This is difficult and I feel for you. SS and a solicitor might be of the opinion you are just trying to build a case against him. You may be better asking a doctor or someone from a mental health team. The older children may be aware. Does he know you are concerned about his mental health or the way he is thinking?

HildaZelda · 15/01/2018 18:00

Is it possible that he's smoking weed at all? I only ask because I know guy who does and when he does, he always gets started on his conspiracy theories. I just wonder if it might be a similar situation with your ex?

Butterfly1066 · 15/01/2018 18:00

Can you pass your concerns on to his GP or the local CMHT sadly there is a huge lack of services in mental health and if he doesn't want to engage and doesn't meet the threshold there may be little they will do

Original poster
lina38 · 15/01/2018 18:45

No, he doesn't know my concerns. But he is anti government, anti medical, anti everything. He would rage at me if I dare suggest it and there is no way he'd seek help even if he thought I was right.

OP posts:
Original poster
lina38 · 15/01/2018 18:46

No, he doesn't smoke weed to my knowledge. Certainly didn't in there years we were together.

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Original poster
lina38 · 15/01/2018 18:47

I suppose I could contact the GP, but realistically what do you think they could do?

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Original poster
lina38 · 15/01/2018 18:49

He no longer works, but is living off his redundancy money ATM. So, I feel where he is no longer interacting with people, he is just sitting home watching more and more conspiracy YouTube videos and working himself up even more. It's pretty scary.

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Blackteadrinker77 · 15/01/2018 18:52

Does he have a close family member you can approach?

HazelBite · 15/01/2018 18:57

How old is he OP?
I only ask as a friend of mine started behaving oddly like this and in her late 40's was finally diagnosed with early onset alzheimer's .

Original poster
lina38 · 15/01/2018 18:58

His family are dis functional and I know would brush it off if approached with my concerns

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Original poster
lina38 · 15/01/2018 19:00

He is 45. But was like this 20 years ago.. he's just got progressively worse.

I left him as he was emotionally abusive towards me for years. Very controlling too

OP posts:
justmatureenough2bdad · 15/01/2018 19:02

you cant do anything. he's not neglecting them and its a faily big (and presumptious) stretch to suggest that conspiracy theorizing equates to poor mental health... so he doesnt share your view of the world or his beliefs differ from yours... honestly i think you are being a cf taking issue with his parental access and talking to ss and such.

i note you casually dismiss thr fact that ur kids love him too as if it is wierd... perhaps consider that yes he may share his unusual views with them but maynr they love him because he loves them and treats them accordingly... if it were religion would you be worried? if it was model railways would you be worried?

get over yourself, get off your high horse and stop trying to control the way he parents...

cantucciniamaretto · 15/01/2018 19:04

its a faily big (and presumptious) stretch to suggest that conspiracy theorizing equates to poor mental health

Really? Someone ranting about the government poisoning children with vaccines in a completely unrelated phone call is certainly an indicator of a mental health issue.
They aren't unusual views they are paranoid delusions.

cantucciniamaretto · 15/01/2018 19:04

its a faily big (and presumptious) stretch to suggest that conspiracy theorizing equates to poor mental health

Really? Someone ranting about the government poisoning children with vaccines in a completely unrelated phone call is certainly an indicator of a mental health issue.
They aren't unusual views they are paranoid delusions.

ConfusedButInLove · 15/01/2018 19:05

You could maybe look up mental health charities and give them a phone. They may have advice about what you could do to help you and the children. And custody advice. The dcs may also benefit from a councillor to understand their dad behaviour. The go could help with that.
But you are limited due to him not acknowledging the problem.

ConfusedButInLove · 15/01/2018 19:06

You could also ask the school for support for the children. And they can monitor and record pick up from dad if social services get involved.

Original poster
lina38 · 15/01/2018 19:06

To justmature.

How fucking dare you! I said to cut a long story short. There is a LOT of back story. He shows many other signs of mental health issues. The issue I mentioned is the current thing that is worrying.

He has threaten my children in the past, he has mentally scared my children (one has depression and two with anxiety) and threatened to kill me in front of the kids. Loads more. I've had police and tried to get SS involvement to PROTECT my kids, as any good parent would.

So get of your high horse you waste of space.

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Original poster
lina38 · 15/01/2018 19:10

I've spoken to the school, GP, SS, FF, solicitors etc. There are records of my concerns but they are limited to what they can do.

Every time he is with the kids he is filling their heads with negative and scary stuff. They never know who or what to believe.

My kids are on the waiting list for counselling.

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aabidah86 · 15/01/2018 19:15

If you feel he is a risk to himself or others you can contact police and they can carry out welfare check and if there is clear risk they could apply a section 136 and bring him into hospital. However it doesn't sound like it has reached this level. Obsessions surrounding conspiracy theories can be a symptom of some mental health conditions, although I would be hesitant to suggest anything without knowing the gentleman! I would suggest contact local CMHT for advice as GPs sometimes do not have the knowledge in these areas (not always!) You may also want to try taking him to A&E where he can be assessed by mental health liaison team although I appreciate this could be difficult if he thinks nothing is wrong. Like previous posters have said, it could be difficult to get mental health services involved if there is no clearly defined risk in his presentation and he is unwilling to engage. (I am a mental health professional)

justmatureenough2bdad · 15/01/2018 19:37

well i suppose i dare because you gave a poor example of alleged mental ill-health (regardless of it being the most recent one)... you didnt cut a long story short or give any other indication of the scale of the back-story...

if you had gone with the threatening and counselling it would have been easier to understand than hoping that some more impressionable readers will see "conspiracy theories" and make the leap of illogic to "paranoid delusions"... i believe there is a group of ppl who dont believe in vaccinations for various reasons... it doesnt mean they are mentally ill...

if you come on aibu to ask questions and dont provide history (as is your prerogative mind you) then you will get a spectrum of responses... resorting to insults merely makes me question your state of mind...

justmatureenough2bdad · 15/01/2018 19:37

well i suppose i dare because you gave a poor example of alleged mental ill-health (regardless of it being the most recent one)... you didnt cut a long story short or give any other indication of the scale of the back-story...

if you had gone with the threatening and counselling it would have been easier to understand than hoping that some more impressionable readers will see "conspiracy theories" and make the leap of illogic to "paranoid delusions"... i believe there is a group of ppl who dont believe in vaccinations for various reasons... it doesnt mean they are mentally ill...

if you come on aibu to ask questions and dont provide history (as is your prerogative mind you) then you will get a spectrum of responses... resorting to insults merely makes me question your state of mind...

Original poster
lina38 · 15/01/2018 19:44

Justmature.. you insulted me first. And FYI my state of mind is not great after years of mental abuse and worry for my children.

I wanted help for the direct reason I gave.

You were just rude in your response

OP posts:
etap · 15/01/2018 19:47

Brew coffee machine goes drip

justmatureenough2bdad · 15/01/2018 19:54

there was no insult, just observations based on the (scant) information provided. if those observations offended you, i apologise; it wasnt my intention to cause insult. at no point however did i name-call

for what its worth you cant force him to get help. if you are separated, his gp will not discuss him with you.

there would also be the danger in pursuing this that if it came to nothing, it is ammunition for him in a harassment case..

Original poster
lina38 · 15/01/2018 19:55

I'm going to ignore anyone with smart Alec type of comments.

I'm a mother concerned about my children and their dads state of mind.

I won't be drawn into spiteful posts no longer.

OP posts:
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