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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for stories of your helpful, switched on DP/DH?

31 replies

Carouselfish · 14/01/2018 22:12

I'm single right now and all I'm seeing in friends' real life, on MN and in my own experience with DD's dad is men who can't get off their smartphones and who don't think to do helpful things with their own children unless prompted.
Tell me they aren't all zoned out, shirking the mental load and that it's worth my time considering getting into another relationship!?

OP posts:

Odoreida · 14/01/2018 22:16

Yes my husband is totally on it (with the odd moments of vagueness that go with being human). We don't always agree with the best way to do things, but he's utterly engaged in our domestic life. And the same goes for the vast majority of my friends' partners. No reason to be with anyone who's not like this I think.

Odoreida · 14/01/2018 22:17

Also I'd say that more of my friends are single than in bad relationships, which I think is a good thing.

Spartaca · 14/01/2018 22:17

Nope, there are a lot of horror stories, naturally. My husband is opposite me rocking the 12 wk old. He works full time and comes home in time for dinner to take over bedtime etc for the two older kids. Is as hands on as me. Committed to the family, works hard and is a loving and supportive husband. He's a fun and loving but firm father, and always puts their needs above his. They're very lucky kids.

Rebeccaslicker · 14/01/2018 22:20

Mine is a sahd, and I work long hours, so he has DD a lot. She's 2 and a treasure but also a massive pain in the arse as toddlers are!!

Even so, yesterday morning he got up with her and then took her out until 10 so I could lie in.

He cooks for her from scratch most of the time.

He does all the washing and cleaning and sends me flowers at work (sometimes) and is very good at DIY.

He drinks a bit too much beer and he snores like a pig as a result, but overall he's a pretty goodun. And trust me, I scraped the barrel several times before meeting him!

LyraPotter · 14/01/2018 22:21

Mine is brilliant - always without fail does the laundry, ironing, bins, recycling, makes packed lunches, does cats' litter trays, stacks and unstacks the dishwasher. And I only have to mention a job needs done and he'll do it. We don't have kids yet but I think he will be really hands on when we do. The good ones are out there, don't give up hope!

MorbidBibliomancy · 14/01/2018 22:24

DP deals with all our household finances and DIY stuff. He's also taken on the responsibility of cleaning up after our rabbits and cooking. He's a forgetful sod most of the time, and I have to do a lot of diary management, but on the whole he pulls his weight without having to be nagged and it makes things very harmonious in our home as a result. We're both aware of what our strengths are (his are as above, mine include things like cleaning, sorting out birthday presents and social events, etc) and we arrange our lives accordingly. It's worked for us, and it works with other friends that have similarly understanding spouses/partners.

(Also, if he does the food shopping alone he always buys me eclairs and beer without being asked, which I'm eternally grateful for).

MsAwesomeDragon · 14/01/2018 22:25

My dh does at least as much around the house and with the kids as I do. He gets up with dd2 in the morning, I do bedtime. He works 4 days a week so does the school run and a load of housework one day, I work term time only so I cover holidays and do the bigger household jobs in those holidays. Dh tends to do cooking and dishwashing, I do laundry and hoovering. I do all the taking to activities, he stays home and plays while I go out walking etc. We have a pretty good split most of the time, although we both feel put upon at times, me during holidays, him during exam season.

amistillsexy · 14/01/2018 22:25

My DH is downstairs clearing up after the tea that he made. He's baked a loaf of bread that smells divine. He said he'd make a second loaf as the one he baked this morning will nearly all go when he makes the sandwiches for everyone's lunches...
I can hear him discussing DS 1's homework with him as he makes me a cup of hot chocolate.
This morning, he dropped me and ds2and3 at the swimming baths and did tge supermarket shop whilst we swam. He then came with us and, together, we purchased new shoes for both boys.
He works full time and makes me fresh coffee to wake up to every morning. He also wakes the boys up and makes sure they're all getting ready for school before he leaves for work.
He's an absolute treasure and I couldn't and wouldn't be without him! 😊

Vibe2018 · 14/01/2018 22:26

Mine makes me feel lazy. Today I was sitting down watching TV with the DCs while he ironed uniforms, made lunches, got snacks for everyone, steam-mopped the floor etc etc. He's always like this but I try to do my fair share. We each have certain jobs we prefer doing and tend to stick to those.

Fieau · 14/01/2018 22:26

My OH is my partner, in the true sense of the word.he is my best friend. I hate the fact that amongst women it is almost as though you are not allowed to say positive things about your husband, it only seems acceptable to moan about them. Or if you ever do say anything nice other women then talk about "how well trained he is". Well no he is not well trained because he is not a dog... He is a grown up whose priority is his family and therefore he participates fully in our life and household without needing to be trained or cajoled or guilted into it.

What you need is to find somebody who wants the same things from life as you do, that way you are working together and not against each other.

Worldsworstcook · 14/01/2018 22:27

Mine fought like a lion for me during 2 births, and again when hospital tried to pressure me to have breech baby turned. I didn't want it so he argued my case and the dr down. He's wonderful, drives me bonkers, keeps wanting his feet rubbed and I wouldn't swap him fr the world.

riledandharrassed · 14/01/2018 22:28

This morning my bf got up at 8:30 cleaned the whole apartment , did the washing and then made breakfast . I feel horribly guilty 😂 he just can’t sleep in at all ever . :(

Cleanermaidcook · 14/01/2018 22:33

Tomorrow dh will get up at 5am, work a 13 hour day and then go straight to dds hobby to pick her up so I don't have to.
Today he did all of the washing and drying as he does every Sunday.
He's my best friend and my partner, I love him and he loves me, we like to do things to make the others life easier, sometimes mn seems full of negative images of men, makes me sad.

sadiesnakes · 14/01/2018 22:34

My dh gave up full time commute work to be a sahd, working remotely and minding our babies. He does more then his fair share, cooking, cleaning, changing all poopie nappies, playground visits, etc, all whilst taking important work calls and juggling work. He's done this for years and is amazing.

Puppymouse · 14/01/2018 22:34

DH is away this week. He is the domestic one out of the two of us so he has done all the washing up and prepped a cold roast chicken, a lasagne, some cooked sausages and boiled eggs all in the fridge for DD and me. He has also made notes on the board in the kitchen of things I might forget, like when the shopping is being delivered... he's very practical.

peachgreen · 14/01/2018 22:36

I'm 38 weeks pregnant and for the entirety of my pregnancy my DH has taken the leading role on all cleaning, laundry and cooking. He hasn't waited to be asked to do things, he hasn't asked for a pat on the back and he hasn't complained - he's just got on with it. This is all while simultaneously getting our new house - which was a bit of a disaster zone when we moved in - ship shape and ready for the baby, working full time, attending all my maternity appointments with me without me asking, and generally being kind and considerate of my feelings and wellbeing. He is a total gem but there ARE others out there like him.

ferociousindependentandsquishy · 14/01/2018 22:37

Mine works 7 days a week most weeks (self employed) but cooks for me (not just beans on toast), gives me foot rubs when I'm sore from a long shift, plans days out, stays awake until the early hours while I chat to him about my day (my career is a phobia of his, but he still listens and has a conversation)
He gets on my nerves sometimes, but mostly that's because I'm a bit of a worrier and independent, but he's really laid back and wants to look after me

peachgreen · 14/01/2018 22:37

Oh and today he brought me coffee and crumpets in bed then decided I hadn't had enough sleep so made me go back to sleep while he mopped the floors, cleaned the kitchen and did a big batch cook for post-baby arrival.

Baubletrouble43 · 14/01/2018 22:39

My dp cooks me dinner every night and has been a rock with my twins. Tonight he did bedtime alone whilst I sat on my arse with a glass of wine. He isn't perfect but he is always kind and to me that makes him perfect.

Bossbaby12 · 14/01/2018 22:40

My dp is amazing. He would do absolutely anything for me and our DD and I wouldn't change him for the world (apart from his snoring which makes me die inside)

BertieBotts · 14/01/2018 22:42

I'm pregnant and have been struggling with tiredness to the point that I can't manage a whole day and keep missing mealtimes

DH has cooked stuff for DS without asking and sometimes for me and/or come and asked me if I want something that he's cooking.

This afternoon he came and brought me chocolates in bed in case I was hungry. They were the chocolates he'd got for Christmas.

As soon as I said I wasn't sure I could manage to cook Christmas dinner he banned me from the kitchen and started planning - bearing in mind his usual cooking repertoire has not progressed beyond student food and oven chips.

He is lovely :) Probably does more cleaning than me too even though I'm at home more

Wishiwasonholiday1 · 14/01/2018 22:45

My DH cooks most of our meals and put both children to bed tonight while I went to the gym. He cooked for me once I got back. He does all food shopping and can't walk past a Jojo store without buying our daughter a new outfit! He doesn't do much housework, but he pays for the cleaner once a week so he sees that as his contribution!
He's honest and no one can make our children laugh like he can. There are good ones out there!

Callamia · 14/01/2018 22:52

He’s a good person.
Neither of us are perfect, but we listen to each other and are each other’s supporters. We have two small children, and he has taken shared parental leave with both. He is patient, kind and generous with the children, and with me. He’s interested in lots of things, knows about everything and I can see that he’s taking this mental load stuff to heart and head lately (I’m on maternity leave, so I really do take the lionshare of ‘stuff’ right now).

The house is often a bit of a mess, and he often takes up projects that are not finished (yet, ahem). But, I’d be happy to recommend him as evidence that some men are decent.

BackforGood · 14/01/2018 23:01

Thing is, people only moan / seek advice or support, when there is an issue.
I'd no more say 'dh took our dc to breakfast club today' as if it were some surprising thing, than I would say 'dh brushed his teeth this morning'. It just isn't "news" , anymore than I'd come and tell you any other humdrum detail of how our lives work.

If I were with someone who didn't pull his weight, then that is when it is an issue, so that is when you hear people moaning.

guest477337 · 14/01/2018 23:03

My partners been amazing with our now 8 week old. He'll come if from work after 12 hours and look after our DS so I can have a bath and relax.

He'll cook tea on nights I'm to tired and do the washing up. He also has DS on a Saturday and Sunday morning so I can have a lie in. He's been amazing

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