To get cross with my poo hiding toddler?

[tiptopteepe]

Posting here for traffic.

Im looking for advice because this is my first child and I dont have any experience of whether this is normal behaviour or not.

My son is 2 and a half and has just started potty training. He still wears nappies but has a potty which he will use sometimes when he feels like it to do a wee in. Hes very good at this but does sometimes still wee in his nappy. He wears a nappy all night and doesnt use the potty at all at night.
As for poo, he doesnt yet do poo in the potty but when hes done a poo he will either come and get me to change his nappy or he will go into the bathroom and take his nappy off, put the poo in the toilet and wipe his own bum and wash his hands then comes and gets me for a new nappy (i do also check that he has washed his hands and wiped his bum properly at this point)

However on occassion he has also been taking poo out of his nappy and putting places in his room.
I dont really know what to do about this. Its really gross because I randomly find it when I am cleaning and i sometimes have to throw a toy away because he has got poo ingrained in it and i cant clean it.
He does this about twice a week at the moment.
I just told him calmly that it was dirty and not to do it again the first time he did it and he seemed to understand and said 'okay mummy sorry' but the behaviour has continued.

Does anyone have experience of this? Is he doing it to be naughty or is there some other reason? Im not sure how to deal with it so any advice would be greatly appreciated. Should I be getting more cross with him?

Oh other info to add is that he does it in his room because thats the only place he is unsupervised. I just let him play in there whilst I do things round the house. He has the door open etc and i check on him regularly to bring him drinks and things. He stays in there of his own accord for hours some days because he has a large railway in there he likes to play with. Should I be encouraging him not to do that?

Thanks

Is he getting enough reward for going to the toilet?

I mean, if he takes it out and puts it somewhere he gets to continue his game. Win.

If he goes to the toilet and calls you, does he get sufficient praise to balance out having to leave his game? Do you see what I’m getting at?

I’m not usually a fan of sticker charts etc but this seems like a prime scenario for them. If he’s on his own in his room and calls you to say he’s done / wants to do a poo he gets a concrete reward, like a sticker. Something good enough to make up for the disappointment of interruption.

bettercallsaul! well yes I did think I was lucky! I can get some housework done when he plays for that long... but people on here have had me worrying its odd and I should be filling his time somehow. He is genuinely just naturally very independent. Hes very imaginative. You can hear him chatting away having conversations with his toys.

Annie i was wondering if it was a good idea to put a potty in his room as I do worry he will include it in his games and it will end up being accidently turned upside down as soon as hes been to the toilet in it! Could just add to the problem.

I think I do need to put him into pants and start the potty training in earnest. Its just quite daunting as I dont really know what im doing. It seems like he is on track from what you are mostly all saying though.

Has he had any changes, upsets, new starts? Do you have a new baby? Could he be stressed by toilet training and expressing his stress in this way? How long has he been doing this?

Batteries I do make quite a big deal out of it when he comes and goes to the toilet. He likes to be called helpful because of Thomas the tank engine lol so I always make sure to make a big fuss over how helpful he is.

thevanguardsix we have actually moved house recently and I am also pregnant. He did do it a little bit in our old house though so im not sure its the move. I had thought hed stopped but hes done it a couple of times in the last week.

Definitely take away the nappy and get a couple more pottys for around the house. If he can do what you state he can, theres no need for a nappy - especially indoors.
Reward, reward, reward for poo in the proper place.

I have to say if it was me I would be strongly discouraging him going to the toilet, taking nappy off, flushing poo etc alone.

In my house, poos (needing to go, have gone) = telling an adult, until school age really. It’s just too disgusting if it goes wrong and poo goes everywhere.

Personally I would be saying if he’s done a poo or needs a poo he needs to call a parent. Huge amounts of praise for doing that. If he wants to poo in private that’s fine, you’ll wait outside the door. Bum wiping and hand washing must always be supervised, not just checked after. Then you can progress to him telling you he’s going to be toilet, going alone, and you checking hand washing etc once he’s fully trained, out of nappies and... well, just older. More capable of understanding the whole thing.

If you want to persist with him doing so much on his own I don’t know how to improve it other than repeatedly explaining poo = loo and waiting for him to ‘get it’.

Nothing about your post strikes me that he’s being deliberately naughty. He just sounds young.

What puzzles me is I'm sure I've seen threads before about people struggling to get stuff done with a toddler and they are advised to encourage said toddler to play on his own for a short while/ reassured that they will soon play by themselves for longer. But when someone says there toddler plays by themselves there is outrage and disbelief. I am a bit jealous that your 21/2 year old can entertain themselves for that long, but I don't see how it could be a bad thing unless you were locking them in the bedroom and ignoring them. I do agree with others you could look into potty training though and maybe have a potty in his room. He definitely seems to be aware that he's going to the toilet which is one of the things he needs (the others being ability to hold it in, and willingness both of which you won't know till you try)

No, the long play sessions are a blessing, OP. If a child is fully engaged in constructive, imaginary play, why on earth would you interrupt him?! They are planning and controlling their own play and learning. With my son, we also had regular visits to other children and playgroups so he played sociably too and, of course we read to him and played board games etc. But the fact that he would also happily play for long periods by himself was a very positive thing all round.

I've been a nanny for 26 years and I'd never come across this until my current job!My charge was doing a similar thing,taking poo out of nappy and wiping on furniture,it had me and my employer fooled into thinking he was ready to be potty trained but that wasn't the case,he wasn't out of nappies for months after so it was dragged out alot longer than potty training usually is!This is just a phase as they are curious about the poo and it will pass,only took a few weeks with my charge but it was still a few months before he was properly potty trained(we had a break after realising the touching poo didnt necessarily mean he was ready)He is now 100% toilet trained and never has acccidents although he's obviously a bit older now!How long has he been doing this?

Yes it sounds like he doesn't want to interrupt play when he needed a poo so he hides it somewhere convenient

You probably need to pop in at regular intervals and take him to the toilet for poo / wee time.

If not he could be holding it in and causing constipation problems too

Just curious is there a potty in his bedroom for when he needs to go? Or does he just use the toilet?

Sorry if you've already mentioned that and I've missed it.

Kids have bat radar and especially at this age, he's very in tune with his world around him and the most important person in it: You.
I remember well packing up and moving from one house to our new one. We'd gone from renting to buying and it was ALL stressful AND I was pregnant! So I can imagine the stress you've been under- even if it hasn't seemed overwhelming- has probably played its part here. It's the time leading up to the move that is as stressful as the move itself. And you're pregnant (congratulations! ).

I think he's processing stuff in his own pooey way. I went through a very similar stage with DC1 when he was 3. What confused me was that he seemed fine. But we'd had the death of grandpa who lived with us and then we moved AND he started nursery. And then came The Poo Crisis. It all passed. It took 7 months but it all settled down and he never looked back. He's 16 years old next month and would die a death if he knew I was sharing his epic poo saga from days of yore with everyone on MN!

Your little boy sounds wonderful! DS1 also could play independently for hours with Thomas the Tank, making all the other engines speak to one another. He would get lost in his playtime. They're so young and just growing into their little skin. I think time and patience will see you through this stage. And remember it is just that: a stage. He sounds very happy and settled. This just may be the last little hurdle of toilet training he needs to jump. It's a pooey hurdle, but he'll jump it eventually.

I would imagine he wants to get rid of it but doesn't want to stop playing. If he's not smearing it and it's only the firm ones then it's probably not a sensory thing (although I'm not an expert). Personally I would set his trains up downstairs if you possibly can so you can keep a closer eye on him for the next few weeks. If you catch him in the act you can train him out of it by taking him straight to the toilet every time and imposing some natural consequences ('helping' you clean up, washing hands etc)

Gross

Sorry I just seen you haven't.

It could be that he's ashamed (for as much as a 2 year old can be but I can't think of another word to describe it) in a way' Bas he's unable to get to the toilet in time, no potty, so he's hiding it. Try a potty in his room, so he always had access.

I remember my little cousin when he started to notice his poo, would hide behind furniture or hide behind the curtain to do it in his nappy.

Apologies if it's already been said @tiptopteepe but would popping into his room every now and then when he's playing and asking if he wants to go to the toilet/do a poo (however you say it in your house ) when he's got a nappy on would that work? Maybe it would remind him he needs to do it and won't do it in the nappy then deposit it in places

It sounds like your DS is becoming very aware of when he needs the toilet and I agree with PPs that it's time to dispense with nappies and put him in pants, at least during the day, and have potties around the house.

You'll need to supervise him more closely, remind him about using the potty/toilet, use rewards for when he uses the toilet successfully.

He sounds adorable and I'm sure if you put him in pants during the day and encourage him to use the potty at regular intervals, the poo hiding will stop.

Congratulations on your second pregnancy.

How far along are you in your pregnancy OP?

If quite close to delivery, it might be worth phoning the HV, as toiletting problems often get worse with the arrival of a new baby. It’s one of the things the HV offered to chat through with me on the birth of my recent (third) baby.

Might be worth asking the Midwives for details of your HV service, they’ll be able to chat through toilet training with you in person if you are confused how to progress, and will be able to give you tips re dealing with toddler when there’s a baby around.

We had a similar thing with DS1 hiding poo under the bed this was while he was potty training and in pants. In hindsight it was entirely my fault as I had been cross with him a couple of times over dirty pants and he was hiding the evidence so I wouldn't be cross. This only happened a few times he soon grew out of it and is an entirely normal child.