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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get cross with my poo hiding toddler?

72 replies

tiptopteepe · 14/01/2018 19:17

Posting here for traffic.

Im looking for advice because this is my first child and I dont have any experience of whether this is normal behaviour or not.

My son is 2 and a half and has just started potty training. He still wears nappies but has a potty which he will use sometimes when he feels like it to do a wee in. Hes very good at this but does sometimes still wee in his nappy. He wears a nappy all night and doesnt use the potty at all at night.
As for poo, he doesnt yet do poo in the potty but when hes done a poo he will either come and get me to change his nappy or he will go into the bathroom and take his nappy off, put the poo in the toilet and wipe his own bum and wash his hands then comes and gets me for a new nappy (i do also check that he has washed his hands and wiped his bum properly at this point)

However on occassion he has also been taking poo out of his nappy and putting places in his room.
I dont really know what to do about this. Its really gross because I randomly find it when I am cleaning and i sometimes have to throw a toy away because he has got poo ingrained in it and i cant clean it.
He does this about twice a week at the moment.
I just told him calmly that it was dirty and not to do it again the first time he did it and he seemed to understand and said 'okay mummy sorry' but the behaviour has continued.

Does anyone have experience of this? Is he doing it to be naughty or is there some other reason? Im not sure how to deal with it so any advice would be greatly appreciated. Should I be getting more cross with him?

Oh other info to add is that he does it in his room because thats the only place he is unsupervised. I just let him play in there whilst I do things round the house. He has the door open etc and i check on him regularly to bring him drinks and things. He stays in there of his own accord for hours some days because he has a large railway in there he likes to play with. Should I be encouraging him not to do that?

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
tiptopteepe · 14/01/2018 19:49

shouty I am aware when he goes to the toilet? I think i said in my OP that I go and check hes wiped himself properly and washed his hands properly. Thats not what the issue is, the issue is when he is in his room he takes it out of his nappy and puts it somewhere. And the thing is he doesnt do it all the time and he does often like to be in his room. So he does know to come and get me or go to the bathroom when hes done a poo, its just sometimes he seems to chose not to do that.

OP posts:
wherethevioletsgrow · 14/01/2018 19:50

Why would it be a poo troll? The OP has been here for a while and posted about other stuff. Have you actually read the toilet troll threads? They are way different to this and always feature: strict teacher/parents, kids having to hold it in, being punished, and asking others to share stories. The OP is always a first time poster as well. Not every thread with poo in it is a troll you know.

Bananalanacake · 14/01/2018 19:50

It rakes them a while to learn. Don't tell him off. Just keep encouraging next time we'll get to the potty.

2kidsandcats · 14/01/2018 19:53

Have no idea whether this is a joke or not. But ... my ds would sometimes poo in random places. He also would play with trains for hours on end.

Now, don't panic with what I'm about to tell you. Ds eventually got an Aspergers diagnosis. Might be worth having a chat with your hv.

Original poster
tiptopteepe · 14/01/2018 19:54

Oh my goodnes i said very clearly in the OP that i do check on him regularly i dont just leave him alone for hours!! I said that he is in his room for hours occassionally. He gets very absorbed in whatever game he is playing.
I am always within hearing distance the house is not that large. Its just I cant hear him take his poo out of his nappy and put it somewhere!!

I do hear him if he goes to the bathroom of course and I always go and check that.
And yes I do notice when hes put poo somewhere pretty quickly because it does smell. The issue is tho that ill then be finding little bits of poo in his room up to days later because its got on toys he was handling so i dont find it till i clean the toys.... which i guess im going to have to start doing every night now if he he continues doing this.

So I think where people are giving advice here, it seems like it might be because hes ready to completely have his nappies off?

OP posts:
Arghhhhhhhelpjobinterview · 14/01/2018 19:55

I wouldn't get angry at any small child messing around etc Overy potty training. He is very young and has no idea what he is doing it sound like he is doing amazingly well, mine only had the understanding much later to do it.

Start rewards for what he does and more rewards for not playing with his polo but don't make big deal of it.

ShoutyMcShoutFace · 14/01/2018 19:57

Right sorry OP I guess the whole quiet / absorbed toddler who amuses himself is just a really alien concept to me! Sorry I'm probably just a bit jealous. My 6yr old can't sit and play on his own Blush

WeAllHaveWings · 14/01/2018 20:00

At 2.5 he is taking his nappy off, emptying it into the toilet and washing his hands!!!

He is obviously ready to be out of nappies so put him in pants during the day, closely supervised for as long as it needs until you break this habit. Tell him if he needs a pee or poo you will go with him everytime.

2.5 is way too young to be doing this independently.

Arborea · 14/01/2018 20:01

@DorisDangleberry Grin post of the day there, rofl!

Original poster
tiptopteepe · 14/01/2018 20:01

shouty he is just like that, he always has been!

I do worry a bit about autism yes but there dont seem to be any other signs of it. I dont really know because this is my first child I have nothing to compare it to and I am an only child and dont have any close relatives with kids or anything. So its just mumsnet and the other mums from baby group to ask about it!!

I didnt realise his behaviour was that different to other toddlers?
He plays fine with other children when we go to the park or to someones house.

OP posts:
Original poster
tiptopteepe · 14/01/2018 20:03

dorisdangleberry well that has actually made me feel a bit better!! Maybe hes just making a new member of the family.

OP posts:
Original poster
tiptopteepe · 14/01/2018 20:07

arggghhhh thanks! I dont get angry I just told him that it was dirty to touch poo and get it on his toys and then cleaned it up. I just wondered if that was the right thing to do because hes still doing it. It seems maybe my expectations are too high?
I just dont really have anything to compare him to so I dont really know how he is supposed to be behaving. Google would have you believe that loads of kids are potty trained at 2.
It does seem from what people are saying here that hes doing quite well and maybe I shouldnt get too stressed about this poo thing.

Ill try him with nappies off and see if that makes a difference. Also maybe I could put a potty in his room? (im just slightly worried that hell use it as a toy if its in his room)

OP posts:
10thingsIKnowAboutYou · 14/01/2018 20:09

My daughter started to remove her own nappies when she was around 2. That was when I completely removed nappies and she was potty trained very easily, she was ready. Maybe your DS is too?

About the "poo situation" :D There is a theory in psychology that says being potty trained is a power game for children. It's like them giving in to a request from the parents, the request to control their body etc. And in that sense I think maybe your DS is acting out some form of control, like telling you you're not in charge of his poo! Grin You can search for this online, I found it quite interesting when my dc were potty training.

MorvaanReed · 14/01/2018 20:09

Sounds like he's so absorbed in what he is doing in his room that he doesn't want to leave it long enough to go to the loo. I assume it's quicker to pop the offending poo out of his nappy and into the drawer.

What happens if you interrupt his longer play sessions?

Friedgreen · 14/01/2018 20:10

My first guess would be he’s trying to get your attention. Some kids only really get undivided attention when they’re pooing, especially if there’s a younger sibling around. I suggest spending more quality time with him - it should improve.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 14/01/2018 20:11

I know plenty of two year olds that can wipe their own bottoms and wash their hands. Admittedly not always perfectly, so they’re checked & helped if there’s a need.

First of all you need to realise they don’t yet understand that poo is unhygienic and I wouldn’t make a big deal of that either.

If he only does it with firm poo, then I’d say it’s probably ‘busyness’. He’s engrossed in what he’s doing and as it’s firm enough to handle he can just put it there for now instead of having to stop what he’s doing and go into the bathroom etc.

I would just say to him that he mustn’t do that because it will spoil his toys (and whatever else he’s putting it on) and they will need to be thrown away. Try not to show any emotion.

Lots of praise when he does poo in the toilet.

He can probably be encouraged to use the toilet all the time by showing/telling him how much easier & quicker it is than nappies.

Night time readiness is hormone driven, so you can try overnight and see how it goes, he’ll either be ready or not.

Original poster
tiptopteepe · 14/01/2018 20:13

Thanks 10things ill look it up!

MorvaanReed I never interrupt his play sessions. I just go in and see if he wants a drink or a snack. He usually just comes downstairs when hes bored of playing.
You might be right it might just be that its uncomfortable but he doesnt want to leave his game to come and sort it out.

OP posts:
Bettercallsaul1 · 14/01/2018 20:17

I believe you completely, OP, because I had a friend whose little girl did this when she was 2-3 years' old. My friend was always finding poos behind furniture, in shoes etc. Definitely not autistic and eventually grew out of it. My son was also very similar to yours, in that aged 2.5, he would play in his bedroom for long periods of time, building elaborate scenes out of Playmobil which he would then summon me to admire! Any time I popped my head round the door to check on him, he was completely absorbed in play so I just left him alone to continue. Some children of this age have long concentration spans.

Original poster
tiptopteepe · 14/01/2018 20:19

bettercallsaul1 thats comforting to know thanks!! I was a bit worried that no one seems to have had similar experiences even with their child playing alone for so long!

OP posts:
EB123 · 14/01/2018 20:19

He needs to be in pants during the day. It sounds to me like he doesn't want to leave his toys if he is really absorbed in his game.

I think i would pop in while he plays and take him to the toilet at intervals. Praise him when he does it in the toilet, and i mean really praise. If he hides some don't make a big deal of it, clean it up and remind him next time to go to the toilet.

Allthewaves · 14/01/2018 20:20

Take his nappy off totally and leave potty in his room

AnnieAnoniMouse · 14/01/2018 20:20

No, don’t put a potty in his room, that just asking for trouble. He’s perfectly able to use the toilet.

There’s no reason to suspect autism either, just because he’s able to play independently for long periods of time and likes his train set.

Playing independently is common in children that haven’t had parents ‘entertainng’ them every minute since they were born. The art of benign neglect is gettting lost and it’s the kids that suffer.

Nor is there any reason to think putting his poo somewhere more convenient means he’s ‘seeking your attention’. It’s not instant gratification on the attention front, nor have you made a big fuss about it. Given he can play with a train set for ages and take himself to the toilet, I’m sure he can get your attention much more easily & quickly if that’s what he wants.

Bettercallsaul1 · 14/01/2018 20:20

I realised how lucky I was at the time, OP!

Allthewaves · 14/01/2018 20:21

Also perhaps extra rewards for poo in toilet - stickers stars etx

Lifeisabeach09 · 14/01/2018 20:23

All kids are different.
Well done to your LO for getting potty-trained (nearly) already and for getting into the practice of wiping and washing hands.
As for the hiding of poo, not hugely sure what to suggest. Something punitive, maybe. Sitting him on the naughty step?? Taking away something he likes. Or doing the opposite and creating a reward chart??? Just throwing out ideas really.