to be annoyed with DH for letting us sleep?

[IamAporcupine]

We got back from holidays on Monday. We were in a different time zone (6 hr behind) and it is proving difficult to get back to normal. DS(5) has really struggled to get up to go to school, and I have been very tired. It did not affect DH so much, as his sleep patterns are always all over the place.

I am not sure what time he woke up today, but he came to us (DS was sleeping in our bed) at some point and said: it's already 10am maybe you should get up otherwise jetlag will get worse.

I finally woke up at 11:45am

I just do not understand why he didn't try to wake us up?! He says he did and that I am ungrateful, and that it is not his responsibility!
I do not care about me, but if he knew it would mess up with DS sleep why didn't he do a bit more?!

[LadyBunnysWig]

Don't think OP will come back for this one

[IamAporcupine]

No, haven't gone back to sleep!

First off, I 100% agree, and I should have been more explicit in my OP, that he is NOT responsible for waking ME up (although he many times does as he knows I have a very deep sleep and find it hard to get up). That was not the point. The point was DS and trying to improve his poor sleep.

Only one poster understood what I was trying to say:

Why didn't he take responsibility for his ds though? All very well saying op should take responsibility for herself but I don't see why she has sole responsibility for trying to improve their child's jet lag

This is what annoyed me. He came to woke us up at 10 am (so, yes, yes, he did wake us) and clearly said that sleeping longer was not going to be good for our jet-lag, and then left. Almost 2 hr passed and he didn't think of maybe trying again?

Again, if it was just me, I could not care less, but I just do not get why he was not more pro-active about DS.

I can guess what happened - he was busy with something and didn't realise what time it was. Which is of course fine, and I would not have got annoyed if he'd said that, but his immediate reaction was 'it is not my responsibility'

[Mimsy123]

Almost 2 hr passed and he didn't think of maybe trying again?

Again, if it was just me, I could not care less, but I just do not get why he was not more pro-active about DS

Yes, it is definitely his fault . Jesus, the poor bloke.

[Bluedoglead]

Why wasn’t it your responsibility when he woke you to actually get yourself and your DS out of bed.

[NorthernLurker]

Oh come on op. He did nothing wrong. You need to wind your neck in.

[shrunkenhead]

the sugar might help

[MorningstarMoon]

Come on OP he came to wake you up. You could have told him to get DS up he probably thought you both needed the sleep.

Your DH is absolutely right it's not his responsibility.

[kittymamma]

@NorthernLurker: He didn't do "nothing wrong". He should have taken some responsibility for the child. It wasn't just her job to sort it.

@OP: I just think you are overreacting. Probably because you are so tired. He should have tried to wake the child again and acknowledge as much, rather than defer the responsibility. It was his responsibility as much as it was yours. It probably isn't worth a big argument though.

[IamAporcupine]

Why didn't he take responsibility for his ds though? All very well saying op should take responsibility for herself but I don't see why she has sole responsibility for trying to improve their child's jet lag

Maybe he felt that the child needed to sleep.

If this is what he felt, he could have said it. He didn't. He only said it was not his responsibility to wake me up (which we all agree).

[BernardsarenotalwaysSaints]

Would you like a grip?

As pp said set an early alarm for tomorrpw for both yourself & ds. Tell your husband to prod ds until he is awake tomorrow morning if he doesn't wake with the alarm then put him to bed at normal time tomorrow night ready for school on Monday.

[DivisionBelle]

He didn’t take any less responsibility for DS than you did.

[chocatoo]

You sound a bit grumpy...maybe you need more sleep!

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

I get you, OP.

When we go to the UK (from Australia) I am evil with waking my 2 children up in the evening so they can have dinner and go back to bed, to try and offset the jetlag as quickly as possible.
We are usually pretty much over it in 2 days.

DH would be the same as yours though - he'd try once and then leave us to it, which is what happens when we get back to Australia (he doesn't come with us so has no jetlag himself), which can contribute to it taking us a lot longer to get over it ourselves.

[RedDogsBeg]

When he woke you both at 10.00 a.m. why didn't you get yourself and ds up? What did you want him to do, physically lift your ds out of the bed?

In his shoes I wouldn't have tried again.

[BoomBoomsCousin]

I would be really annoyed too. One of our kids is horrendous when she gets off schedule and if she was allowed to sleep in until almost noon it would throw most of the next week off. DH knows this and if he let her do sleep in when he was in a position to wake her it would be because he wasn’t taking responsibility for her. Assuming everything about the kids was up to me. It’s totally ducking out of the hard and mundane bits of parents

[IamAporcupine]

But he did wake you up at 10am. At which point you didn't leap out of bed worried about poor DS and his sleep patterns. You though "Meh - I'm tired" and went straight back to sleep.

You are obvs not a deep sleeper - I didn't even think Meh I am tired, I just collapsed back to sleep.

DH made one attempt to get your son back into his sleep pattern. You made no effort at all

Well, to be exact, his attempt to get our son back into his sleep pattern as you put it, was to wake ME (not him directly)

despite being awake enough to know it was already 10am.

I only know it was 10am because DH said it.

[IamAporcupine]

He didn’t take any less responsibility for DS than you did.

Are you serious?
Fair enough, none of us set the alarm clock, but one of us was awake!

[RaptorsCantPlayPoker]

You are obvs not a deep sleeper - I didn't even think Meh I am tired, I just collapsed back to sleep.

But you heard him say that it was 10am?

Do you work? Presumably you need to get up on an alarm call for that so is there any need for DH to have to continually make efforts to rouse you?

[SparklyLights]

YANBU, I think your DH is coping better with the jet lag and in that respect he could have taken the hit for the team and been the one to gently encourage you and DS more to get up at a reasonable time.

It feels like a bit passive aggressive to me that he let you sleep in. He's "told you once and you didn't get up so fine - sleep in then" even though it will make you feel worse/won't help you get back into a pattern.

My DH falls asleep on the sofa at night. Would I go to bed myself knowing he'll wake up at 2am with a cricked neck and be tired for work the next day? No. Even though he's not easy to wake up, I'll make sure I gently try a few times and make sure he does come to bed. I wouldn't just tell him to wake up once and then think "Sod it- I'm off to bed. Tough luck matey."

It's called give and take in a relationship. Or, you know, LOVE.

[Bluntness100]

Well ok then, next topic up on the Aibu forum.."I sneezed and shit myself am I unreasonable to think this is my husbands fault".

Yup. Next!

[PopFart]

It's taking you nearly a week to get over jet lag?

[BakedBeans47]

Oh for gods sake OP.

Get a grip of yourself.

[MadMags]

Firstly, you're carrying on a bit about jet lag and being a "very deep sleeper".

Secondly, he woke you - you went back to sleep, he went to do something else, you both left ds sleeping.

I'm sure if you had been late for work you would have found some way to not "collapse back to sleep" at 10 am.

[Mimsy123]

IamAporcupine

You asked whether you are being unreasonable to be annoyed with your husband. Most people have said yes, you are, and you don’t seem to want to hear that. Why ask then? I think you’re tired.