To propose marriage and adoption

[duckdarlington]

Me and my partner have been together nearly 5 years, we have two children together aswell as my 3 step children (fathers are not involved in their lives). I'm calling them my step children for this post but in real life, i would never think of not seeing them as my own children.

I want to propose for a 5 year anniversary but had thought I need to offer to adopt her children at the same time and was planning on asking my partner and my step children these questions together.
Talking to my mostly male mates about theese plans I have got a negative reaction and I have been told I need to make proposing just about my partner and special for her.

AIBU to propose marriage and adoption at the same time? How would you feel if your DP proposed like this?
Im running out of time to finalise plans and I'm panicking I'm going to do it wrong.

You can't adopt the 19 year old so that's a bit of a pointless discussion.

Good luck

My god do people just go out of the way to be mean and pick a fight !! 99% of the time in here the men are feckless and /or absent. Women are constantly encouraged to LTB for the slightest misdemeanours.
Then we have a man who comes on here to see if it would be a good idea to propose marriage and adoption at the same time. That was his posted question. Are people so desperate to be negative that they intentionally misread posts to give advice that wasn't asked for ?
He knows his DP and step children. He knows what is possible. He WASNT ASKING ABOUT THE LEGAL POSSIBILITIES OR HE WOULD HAVE SAID SO ! .

Crack on OP. Propose away. Make it about your DP. Then in the following days approach the adoption process .

You sound kind and thoughtful. Please ignore comments like coming on here to 'get squeals of delight ' . Posters who write such mean comments only make themselves look a bit bitter and miserable for someone else's happiness.

Let us know how it goes. !

I think that, after marriage, the idea of adopting those who are your children in all but name is a good one given the circumstances you describe. Regardless of what you decide, the point about making a will applies- everyone should make one, if only to make things easier for your loved ones should something terrible happen and you die suddenly and prematurely.

So one child can say no, and you will have a wedding, and an adoption, of one or two of their siblings, and (from this thread I’m gathering) want them all to change their name to your name - except the one who says no? And you will have children and step children who are full siblings to one another?

Can they really truly say no?

I don’t think they can.

Purple If , at any point in any of the OPs posts he had mentioned any of his step children NOT wanting to be adopted or indeed opposed it in anyway- then you might have a point. However as the OP has been very clear to point out, ALL his step children are enthusiastic and the only one who can't be adopted (in the uk at least because she is over 18 ) would like to change her name, then I would say your point is moot. Why is everyone so negative on here - it's meant to be a supportive parenting forum - not find 'fault with a man at any cost' forum.

If it is as you say OP - and no one can assume that you are stating anything but the truth. Then good luck to you and your family.

A friend of mune asked his step daughter's 'permission' and took her shopping to choose her mum's ring. They are incredibly close and it was really lovely. At the wedding, he made vows to her too.