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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

New Car Rage

71 replies

Barmymammy · 12/01/2018 13:46

We've always had our own cars but our circumstances have changed and just having one car seems better. We will have a better, bigger car and less to pay each.

We're on interest free credit but the finance can only be in one name. It's in his name but we're both paying half each.

We went in the other day to see if the car was ready. DH had nipped to the loo, so I spoke to the sales guy. Instead of saying hello etc., he just asked where "Fred" was. When DH returned the sales guy shook his hand and started talking to him. Am I fucking invisible?

The car sales team have named DH as the registered keeper and the final thing that's really pissed me off, is that they arranged three days insurance cover just in his name. Well, I saw red today and asked to be put onto the insurance. When we go to pick up the car, I'm going to make sure I get the handover and DH can sit in the back.

AIBU to think I don't seem to exist?

OP posts:

Lovebehindthefool · 13/01/2018 08:44

I had the opposite experience recently. We bought a second car and it was going in dh name. Obviously I have a lot of say in the financing of said car! The sales guy definitely was selling to both of us, equal eye contact with both (although I had a small child to chase after!) and he asked who was paying deposit etc. I found it a refreshing experience to be honest!

Fintress · 13/01/2018 08:54

We recently had the same experience as Lovebehindthefool without the small child. It was me that did the negotiating for a better deal too, apparently I was a hard sell . We were each offered a test drive too.

A few years ago was a different story. I phoned up the dealer to cost winter tyres and the chap gave me an extortionate price I knew that neither of was willing to pay as we had one in mind so I said no. The second he hung up he phoned my husband at work to ask if he wanted to buy them. My husband asked what I said and he was told I said no, so my husband said it’s a no then.

Fabellini · 13/01/2018 09:06

I think you’re getting annoyed over two separate issues here to be honest.
Your car salesman sounds rude and possibly sexist. The “Where’s Fred?” question would’ve been answered by me with “and good morning to you too!” before I said anything about Fred’s whereabouts. If people don’t realise they’re being rude, I sometimes can’t help myself pointing it out to them!
The rest though....the insurance, and the registered keeper - that’s you and your husband. The registered keeper does not have to be the person who paid for the car, and you could have insured it and had your husband as the named driver. Then, in the event of your death he’d have to do the same paperwork that you’re concerned about doing if he dies first.
Incidentally, are either of you so unwell or elderly that this is a likelihood? I’m very sorry if you are, but if not, it seems that you’re getting yourself unnecessarily angry over a scenario that’s unlikely to be an issue.
Finally, I don’t fully understand why you’ve allowed this to happen when you’re the one with the larger investment in the purchase. Maybe the person you should be most annoyed with is yourself?

He11y · 13/01/2018 09:24

We bought a new car this year, traded in our old car that was in my husbands name and had this one put in his name too. I didn’t feel left out at all but then I arranged the visits and the contact number was mine so they called me every time they needed to update us on something.

However, if a salesman, or anyone (we’ve had a few people do it to us) ignores me and only speaks to my husband, he will deliberately avoid talking to them until they start addressing me equally. It’s very subtle but always works - he’s great like that - it winds him up so he won’t let them get away with it!

I can see why they’re more focused on him if he’s done all the contacting and it’s him they’re selling the car too but it’s not right so yanbu to feel a bit put out.

SoupDragon · 13/01/2018 09:42

I have to notify the DVLA that DH has died and register myself as the keeper.

I'm on DH's insurance as a named driver, so if he died, I would need to take out a new policy.

If I died, he would just carry on driving the car. It sucks.

All these things would be the same if the sexes were reversed.

Thaving said that, the salesman shouldn’t have ignored you (and there is a very good chance he would have ignored you if your name had been on the documentation rather than DHs if you’d gone in together) .

He11y · 13/01/2018 09:56

As for insurance, get your own from the start! I see no reason to faff about with that - soon as you have your pick up date contact your insurers and get it covered.

19lottie82 · 13/01/2018 10:59

“How odd. I'm in the US and just bought a new car with DH - everything in both names.”

If the car was clocked speeding they couldn’t send you a “joint ticket”!

“And yet they do seem to manage here.”

That’s nice. But this is a U.K. based forum, and strangely enough the OP is in..... the U.K.!

HermionesRightHook · 13/01/2018 11:04

All these things would be the same if the sexes were reversed.

Our car is in my name because DH is a lazy sod and didn't do anything when we needed to replace our old one. So if I died he would have the hassle.

But - the bloody dealers still talked to him and not me and still ask me things like "what does your husband think" when I need work doing on it. And the salesman corrected my form to Mrs right in front of me when he saw I'd put Ms. I made him change it back but it's still wrong on their system, I ask them to change it every time.

derangedmermaid · 13/01/2018 11:12

When I bought my car I had to actually say to the salesman "I don't know why the fuck you're talking to him, I'm the one buying" and then after specifying the limit per month I was prepared to pay "have you even listened to a word I've said"? And then after he showed me a line of Fords when I specifically said no Fords I just looked at DP and said "let's go, this is just painful".

Then as we left the manager pounced on us and I went into this long monologue about how shit the service had been, how I've seen several cars I would have been happy to buy but your salesman decided to completely ignore me, patronise me and try to upsell despite me categorically stating the price limit and how I'm not surprised they have such low ratings online if he's the person who is the face of the business.

I tried 3 dealerships before I finally found one that would give me what I wanted. Literally gave them what I wanted, my deposit amount, the specs of the car down to mpg and tax costs I needed and I signed up there and then and I adore my little car.

I find it best to be really fucking direct with anyone sales wise.

Skowvegas · 13/01/2018 13:26

That’s nice. But this is a U.K. based forum, and strangely enough the OP is in..... the U.K.!

Oh - we can't compare our own experiences in other countries with those in the UK any more? Why not?

Sirzy · 13/01/2018 13:30

I can’t say I have ever had an issue buying or repairing cars but I do wonder if that is because I am good at bullshitting and pretending I know what I am talking about!

bordyBored · 15/01/2018 17:09

"With hindsight, I would have had it all done in my name."

Why? So DH would have all the hassle.

It sounds like you have a baseless chip on your shoulder.

FoxtrotSkarloey · 15/01/2018 19:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

emmyrose2000 · 16/01/2018 03:24

This is the point at which I'd have said the order is cancelled, and let him, and his boss, know why. No one should get away with being so breathtakingly rude.

Original poster

Barmymammy · 16/01/2018 14:26

"With hindsight, I would have had it all done in my name."

Why? So DH would have all the hassle? No, because I traded my car in for £6,000 and his was worth a big fat zero, and I will be driving it far more often than DH.

It sounds like you have a baseless chip on your shoulder Actually, it's sexist when you are buying something as a couple and everything is directed towards the man.

When we walked in today, the sales guy still approached DH first to shake his hand. He then told him to jump in so he could have a handover. DH, bless him, got into the back and told the guy to give me the handover. When I asked which side the petrol cap was on, he said "your side" pointing to the passenger seat.

I appreciate the car has to be in someone's name but it was obvious from the outset that this was a joint purchase for both of us to drive.

I enjoyed driving our new car off the forecourt.

OP posts:

citybzg · 16/01/2018 14:33

Actually, it's sexist when you are buying something as a couple and everything is directed towards the man.

You were not buying it as a couple though. Your DH bought the car on finance. I would get the point if you took the finance and they spoke to Fred, but in this scenario you have absolutely nothing to be annoyed or offended by.

Original poster

Barmymammy · 16/01/2018 14:47

We were buying as a couple. However, finance can only be in one name, that doesn't mean we weren't buying as a couple, it means that the finance can only be in one name.

Being ignored by a sexist salesman is ok then?

OP posts:

araiwa · 16/01/2018 15:19

Being ignored by a sexist salesman is ok then?

but all the rest about finance, insurance etc is extraneous bullshit

Original poster

Barmymammy · 16/01/2018 15:46

From the outset we made it clear that this was a car for us both, so he should have asked which name/s needed to be on the insurance and not just assumed it would be DH. His whole approach was wrong.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/01/2018 16:05

One of the main reasons we bought the car we did was...

We came into the showroom, salesman shook both our hands, small amount of small talk, I ask about the suspension, salesman said, "I'll get my manager" who spoke to me about superchargers and suspension while DH spoke to the salesman about paint colours and leather. Not a blink about it.

When I pop in there, the manager will say things to the younger salespeople like, "this is Terry, talk to her about the new blah blah car thing. What do you think?". Like I'm a person.

BMW spoke to DH who kept saying, "no idea, talk to Terry, she's the car person".

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 16/01/2018 16:22

There are some garages that seem to be incapable of realising that women can and do buy cars. I had an Audi and whenever it went for a service, the people there addressed my husband, despite it being made very clear that I was the owner and I would be paying the bill. It wasn't just one Audi garage either.

Generalisation, but I think a lot of garages are mainly staffed by men who find it really difficult to accept that women may know something about cars and be in a position to buy them. My local one is full of misogynists who pretty much ignore me when I take the car for a service. I waited for four hours last time. It's put me off having the same make of car again too.

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