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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New Car Rage

71 replies

Barmymammy · 12/01/2018 13:46

We've always had our own cars but our circumstances have changed and just having one car seems better. We will have a better, bigger car and less to pay each.

We're on interest free credit but the finance can only be in one name. It's in his name but we're both paying half each.

We went in the other day to see if the car was ready. DH had nipped to the loo, so I spoke to the sales guy. Instead of saying hello etc., he just asked where "Fred" was. When DH returned the sales guy shook his hand and started talking to him. Am I fucking invisible?

The car sales team have named DH as the registered keeper and the final thing that's really pissed me off, is that they arranged three days insurance cover just in his name. Well, I saw red today and asked to be put onto the insurance. When we go to pick up the car, I'm going to make sure I get the handover and DH can sit in the back.

AIBU to think I don't seem to exist?

OP posts:
Bluelady · 12/01/2018 16:30

They did this when I bought my last car. I'll be going by myself next time.

RowenasDiadem · 12/01/2018 16:41

I've actually started to step slightly in front of DH and jump in and answer questions directed at him. He isn't great at dealing with things like buying cars or telling the plumber what's going wrong with the boiler (despite DH being the one who noticed the faults or being the one paying for the car etc)
Sometimes they will talk to me but 70% of the time they will swing back to DH to address him. Very annoying.

OP, I too would take the keys and be the one to drive away as they should really be talking to you both, no matter who's name is on the documents if they have been made aware that it's a sale to the pair of you.

knittingdad · 12/01/2018 17:07

I've had to tell mechanics several times that my wife is the one who deals with the car stuff. She can tell when the engine sounds sickly, or the clutch is about to go - she drove the car a hundred miles without the clutch once. She's even taught me how to change a tyre and read the Haynes manual.

But she still got the pink flyer from Kwik Fit inviting her to a "ladies night" to learn how to check the oil levels, etc, after taking the car there for a wheel alignment. That really pissed her off.

SeamstressfromTreacleMineRoad · 12/01/2018 17:14

This is why I asked a (male) friend to come with me when I bought my last car - to weed out anyone who ignored the person who was paying (& would be driving)..!
We went to one garage where every question that I asked was answered to him Angry I walked out (& my friend told the salesman exactly why he'd lost the sale).
The car that I eventually bought came from a place that politely acknowledged his presence, but negotiated with me..!! Grin

Original poster
Barmymammy · 12/01/2018 17:41

The sales guy was made very aware that it was a sale to us both.

OP posts:
Lethaldrizzle · 12/01/2018 17:45

No - most people do not own a car each!

Original poster
Barmymammy · 12/01/2018 17:49

If DH died, I'd be left sorting out the car. Is it mine? Can I drive it? Is the finance agreement transferrable?

I've found some of this out, apparently the finance agreement may be transferrable depending on my credit check.

I have to notify the DVLA that DH has died and register myself as the keeper.

I'm on DH's insurance as a named driver, so if he died, I would need to take out a new policy.

If I died, he would just carry on driving the car. It sucks.

OP posts:
OliviaMansfield · 12/01/2018 18:06

I had a plumber once who wouldn't accept my say so to to ahead with a job. He thought I should talk it through with my dh. So I talked through it with my dh. The plumber didn't get invited back to do the job

Notreallyarsed · 12/01/2018 18:08

@OliviaMansfield I had a gas engineer ask DP if I was always “this hormonal” when I had objected to him winding DD up (she’s autistic and can’t understand a joke) and snapped when he called me sweetheart. If I hadn’t needed hot water I’d probably have chucked him out!

Glitterspy · 12/01/2018 18:12

I felt invisible when o tried to buy a new car lately. I say "tried" as Volkswagen and Volvo didn't even seem keen to let me test drive (I am a middle aged woman working full time). I felt like o was being "qualified" through their sales process, it was so obvious. Audi behaved impeccably with excellent sales advisors and treated me as a human (and the owner/driver), not my husband - so I bought from them.

Bike shops are worse. Try getting any attention in Evans or Saddle Safari as a woman. They would talk to a teenage boy before asking if you needed any assistance!

IHaveBrilloHair · 12/01/2018 18:16

Yes, lethaldrizzle
That floored me too.
Cars are bloody expensive.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 12/01/2018 18:25

When I collected my car the salesman spoke to me as everything was in my name. If you were that bothered you should have had it in your name! Regarding the insurance, I’ve never used the free insurance, I always transfer mine over to the new car before I pick it up so at least I know it’s done.

Skowvegas · 12/01/2018 18:42

Things like finance/insurance/registered keeper are always in one name only

How odd. I'm in the US and just bought a new car with DH - everything in both names.

If the car was clocked speeding they couldn’t send you a “joint ticket”!

And yet they do seem to manage here.

lampygirl · 12/01/2018 18:58

I had this the other way round when my DP bought his car (Audi A1) they assumed as it was a small car and the car being traded in was another small car that it was being bought for me rather than him. About half way through I got fed up of this and just dropped into conversation that I drive a big estate or a 4x4 pickup at work and do all of the long distance driving and then he stopped trying to convince me of its easy to park features...

peachgreen · 12/01/2018 23:04

Ahh thanks @19lottie82, that makes sense.

Iamtheresurrection · 12/01/2018 23:12

I've never had this in a garage. Even when DH organised everything it was clear who was buying the car and all attention was to me in the garage. I think you're making something out of nothing.

Leigha3 · 12/01/2018 23:22

I think the real anger is stemming from being treated as non-existent, rather than it being about it being in his name, which is rude and way less likely to happen when the gender roles are reversed.

That's what I've observed when it comes to house shopping and selling at least. If the man is buying or selling a house solo the partner even if married is lucky if she even gets referred in a letter addressed like 'Mr. and Mrs. John Smith'. While if it is a woman selling or buying a house solo her partner even if unmarried has most letters addressed to both of them with his full name and usually before hers. Quite ridiculous really.

justilou1 · 13/01/2018 03:38

I chose the car salesman I bought my car from because he asked me questions that weren't sexist and had lovely manners - wasn't intrusive or pushy. Just genuine and warm. The manager tried to take over and talk to my husband (who knows me well....) who let it happen and then told him that I was the one who had done the research and was the one with the money, so his matey-matey push wasn't really required.

Fadingmemory · 13/01/2018 04:08

Regardless of who is named, insured, registered or paying clearly the salesman lacks the social skills which I would think vital in his line of work. I am so used to this kind of behaviour (try being old and a woman) that I react immediately. 'My invisibility cloak is working well today,' is a good riposte. I am single so they have to deal with me - and if they have just been manners-shamed for ignoring me or asking for my husband, it may make them think. Unfortunately though such attitudes and behaviour are common.

Fadingmemory · 13/01/2018 04:12

Regardless of the legalities/admin, he was rude. Am old and female and I find that saying 'My invisibility cloak is working well today,' is a good riposte in such a situation.

Fadingmemory · 13/01/2018 04:13

Sorry, it's 4am - thought first post hadn't appeared

Original poster
Barmymammy · 13/01/2018 07:38

I've never had this in a garage. Even when DH organised everything it was clear who was buying the car and all attention was to me in the garage. I think you're making something out of nothing

I’m pleased that you’ve never had such treatment. Your experience was good, mine wasn’t. I was especially annoyed when instead of saying good morning to me, the salesman just asked “where is Fred?”

OP posts:
Jigglytuff · 13/01/2018 07:50

In my experience, car salesmen are revoltingly sexist. My mum bought a new car and they kept ignoring her and talking to my dad. They then sent the follow up marketing to my dad. When I bought one, the bloke laughed when I asked to look under the bonnet Hmm

Stefoscope · 13/01/2018 08:14

It was rude of him. If he knew you were part exing your car against the new one, it's not as though you were a random third party. The insurance thing would annoy me too. How did he know your DH hadn't wanted to sort his own cover and use the three days for you.

I encountered similar when buying my first car a couple of months ago. The salesman I bought it from would literally not speak to me, when I asked a question he replied to my DP. I don't think he looked at me once during the whole transaction. Even when DP pointed out it was my money that was buying the car.

Rowgtfc72 · 13/01/2018 08:40

When dh went to buy a new car for himself I went with him, asked all the questions. Salesman ignored me, when the car turned up there was a bunch of flowers in the car for "the wife" a goodwill gesture as the ladies like it Hmm