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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask your view on the Radfords?

120 replies

Emlou07 · 12/01/2018 09:47

Sat with my morning coffee watching 20 kids and counting. Listening to my two children fighting over a toy, wondering how on earth that many children can get enough/equal love and attention?!

(I know it’s none of ‘our’ business how many children people have.. but when you put yourself out there, obviously people will have an opinion)

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 12/01/2018 15:10

Having 20 children to whom you cannot possibly give the necessary one on one attention is not comparable to being a working parent of one or two children. What a stupid comparison Hmm

ObiJuanKenobi · 12/01/2018 15:20

It really upsets me to think how those poor children must feel and the impact on their self worth. Her youngest can barely toddle before she seems bored of them and onto the next birth and newborn stage.
Their original pregnancy situation is sick by any generations standards and I always feel like she is trapped and manipulated by her creepy husband.

rhizomorph · 12/01/2018 15:23

Oh,..and parents working full time/long hours with two children can devote enough time to them?

Certainly more than a couple running a business and with 20 children to manage.

Lilyhatesjaz · 12/01/2018 15:31

I'm older than them and the age of consent was 16 when I was a teen. Some of my friends had older boy friends but most were not having sex at 13. Mandy Smith and Bill Wyman was a scandal in the papers not the norm of the time.
I think that the middle children in a family that big must get forgotten it would be horrible to be number 13 or 14.
Tracing my family tree, my great, great grandmother had 12 that all survived to adulthood and raised at least one grand child as well but that was over more than 20 years so she didn't have 12 at home as children.
She had the first early 20s and the last at 50.

Gottagetmoving · 12/01/2018 15:35

Certainly more than a couple running a business and with 20 children to manage

Not necessarily. If you have no time...you have no time and then you could argue that those with many siblings have more family to go to for support.

KateGrey · 12/01/2018 15:53

For me personally I just don’t think it’s very morally responsible to have that many children. The drain on services must be huge. Whilst I’m sure they love all their children I think they must get limited attention. And you could see a certain amount of resentment about caring for younger siblings and space. I think it’s frustrating they’re taking out of a system where they have taken out more than they’ve put in. I understand they’re a real family so can see why threads like this get deleted but they’ve chosen to enter into the public eye and with that they’ll always be judgement sadly. I just feel sorry for the kids.

rhizomorph · 12/01/2018 17:10

Not necessarily. If you have no time...you have no time and then you could argue that those with many siblings have more family to go to for support.

Oh, the other children! Super support. I’m afraid that was rather a silly example above though; two people working full time compared with two people a business and 20 children is extreme

wisterialanes · 12/01/2018 17:14

Noel said recently that they don't facilitate any EC activities as they don't have time to do pick ups etc.

DeleteOrDecay · 12/01/2018 17:18

That's a shame. None of the kids seem to have lives or interests outside the family home.

bestthings · 12/01/2018 17:33

I know someone who has 22. They're all grown up now, but they've all turned out well as far as i know.

ReanimatedSGB · 12/01/2018 17:42

I think these enormous familes always have misogyny and abuse of the mother (and probably the older DDs) at the heart of it. Particularly if the father's a bit older than the mother - this will be a man who thinks women are domestic animals, not people. The abuse of the older DDs may not be sexual, but you bet they will be expected to take on domestic work and 'respect' their father, while their brothers will be indulged, and few of the children (and definitely non of the girls) will be allowed to develop interests outside the family.
Don't forget the 'very religious' Duggars (and thanks whichever PP supplied the name) definitely had abuse of the DDs taking place and being covered up.

stitchglitched · 12/01/2018 17:48

I think it is utterly irresponsible to have so many children, and to continue to jeopardise your health with further pregnancies when you already have so many kids who need you. There is also no way their children can get much individual attention or parenting beyond the basics of being clothed, housed and fed.

Gottagetmoving · 12/01/2018 17:56

Particularly if the father's a bit older than the mother - this will be a man who thinks women are domestic animals, not people

Bloody hell! That's extreme! I came from a large family...My dad was almost ten years younger than my mother. They married when she was 17.
My dad was a kind, gentle man who shared the household chores and cooking, despite working full time while my mother did not work apart from occasional part time. My mother ruled the roost!

ememem84 · 12/01/2018 17:58

I am a little bit in awe of them. 20 kids. Wow. I sometimes struggle with ds (4 months...) couldn’t imagine him plus any more. Eek!

MidnightAura · 12/01/2018 18:04

I feel sorry for the kids.

restbiterepeat · 12/01/2018 18:11

I don't really know much bout the individual family although there is stuff I've read here about the age gap between the two in a teenage pregnancy that would make me concerned.

But I do think that some of the criticism levied against them is unfair. I think that having twenty children must mean the mechanics of how things happen are very different to the usual set up but I do think where people see the lack in one-on-one time with a parent they are failing to see the abundance of time with a multitude of siblings of various ages and the possibilities for learning and play that are not feasible in small families.

Also, the stuff about how much the family have in benefits seems like just a vehicle for a more generalised benefit bash. I think in terms of the economics of things each of these individual kids don't cost more than a crop of any other individual kids and as tax payer I couldn't care less how those kids are distributed across however many families.

Lostwithinthehills · 12/01/2018 19:13

It's not that long ago that large families were the norm

The average number of children per family was 2.2 in 1952.

I think that 65 years is quite a while ago and according to statistics large families were not the norm.

ReanimatedSGB · 12/01/2018 19:34

Gottagetmoving - but you were one of how many kids?

Flatpackjackie · 12/01/2018 20:11

I'm amazed that they have at least three dogs as well! Weirdos.

Don't understand why anyone would want more than two DC though. Drain on society and the environment.

restbiterepeat · 12/01/2018 20:13

All children are a drain on the environment. As are dogs Grin

Bumsnetnetbums · 12/01/2018 20:39

Well I have 5 but theres only me. But they all get time alone with me we just plan it. And the radford kids have 2 parents. And older siblings. Who most likely dont mind reading the odd story.
I think had i had a willing partner id have had more. Not 20. But perhaps 8.
I find the whole self contained family quite appealing. Just us and the kids. But come puberty and the kids getting older they want and need privacy. A space to stay alone. Get dressed. Stay in bed till lunch or have friends around.
It isnt normal for older kids to be bound by a family. They need to develop their personalities away from the home and one day deserve to spread their wings and fly, knowing that family will be waiting if they need them.
Children are not ours to own. They owe us nothing

RaspberryIce · 12/01/2018 21:08

..My dad was almost ten years younger than my mother. They married when she was 17
Wow he married young Wink

greendale17 · 12/01/2018 21:17

The daughter has already had 3 kids by the time she was 21. I can see her following in her parents footsteps and the saga continuing

Littlecaf · 12/01/2018 21:30

I just think her pelvic floor must be fucked

I do too. Mines fucked afte two. Maybe she’ll be doing Tena lady ads soon?

I think they’re ok. They seem to love each other, although in the last one the teenage boys didn’t have much privacy and I felt sorry for them.

Jassmells · 12/01/2018 21:34

All I keep thinking is -

  • how do they have time to have sex and make all these babies with endless kids running around?
  • there must never be a day when One's not ill?!