Partner giving too much "advice"

[Tiptopj]

I became a mum for the first time 4 weeks ago and my other half has 2 children from a previous relationship who are 13 and 15. He took paternity to leave and has been a great help and had done more than his fair share of feeds, nappy changes and chores round the house. He's been great except for the fact that as he's raised a baby before where as I have no experience of them at all he keeps telling me how to do things with our child and it's frustrating the hell out of me. He believes our child should be able to self soothe after a feed and that if I pick her up for a cuddle to get her to sleep I'm "creating a rod for my own back" (ahhhhh hate that phrase) where as I think that while i shouldn't jump in at every murmur or winge if baby is screaming for a cuddle then i should cuddle! I'm apparently also feeding her too much ( she's on formula and breast) where as my understanding of on demand feeding means just that! The other day I was rocking the crib slightly to get her to settle and again apparently that's wrong as shelk expecr it every time. We went for a walk today and I got the following advice : keep the pram in the middle of the footpath to avoid dog poo, to turn left or right put pressure on the opposite arm, to mount a curb keep the pram straight and watch out for the woman walking towards us ( who was about 10 feet away and in a bright red coat!!!) It might all sound petty but as a new mum I'm not brimming with confidence and being told how to do basic things is so frustrating and I almost feel like I shouldnt attempt to pick my daughter up. I've tried telling him how i feel but as far as he's concerned he's only trying to help me as he's done this before. I know there are lots of mum's who would love a partner who does as much as he does and single mum's who have no one to help at all but am I really being unreasonable to think that as her mother I should be allowed to use some instinct?

Doesn't he know that only mothers know best? Just remind him of his position and tell him to back off!

Just kidding.

You have a different parenting style it's just first time dads don't usually have a style which makes it easier usually. You need to sit down and discuss this with him. He needs to back off when you are doing day to day things and you need to come to an agreement on the bigger parenting things. It's not fair for him to hover and micromanage you in the same way as it's not fair for mums to do that to dads a lot.

A £ says he wasn't that hands on with his previous kids! I bet his ex would have something to say too.

While I agree you can’t spoil a new born baby - he’s right in that they need to learn to self sooth. I wish someone had told me that while I was pregnant - even before I gave birth. I’m not suggesting you don’t pick up a screaming baby - but yes all the rocking etc is not allowing them to learn to self sooth. It’s ok now when they are little and exhausted - but wait until they are stronger at six months and need rocking back to sleep after ever sleep cycle (45-90mins). I watched my daughter learn to self sooth - she just focussed on a spot and stared at it until she feel asleep. My son had digestive problems so we were rocking him to sleep - big mistake. Three sleep consultants later, a tonne of sleep books and he finally slept through the night at 4.5 years of age....
Also, I feel a bit sorry for your hubby. It’s his baby too. Yes the whole pram thing was way ott - but he sounds like he is just a nervous new dad. Which I think is quite sweet considering it’s his 3rd baby. It’s not about you or your confidence - sounds like he is just feeling protective. Just explain to him you need him to stop because it’s damaging your confidence and affecting how you feel about this special time.