Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think some teachers are just mean?

38 replies

whiskybysidedoor · 09/01/2018 23:13

Had DC in tears again today.

The team sheet came out for a match coming up. Same kids same positions.

Team lost spectacularly in last 2 matches. Teacher wont budge on letting any of the other kids have a go in the most wanted positions.

The other kids just want to try and have a go rather than be routinely dismissed. Gradually their confidence is being shot to pieces.

Seriously AIBU to think that some teachers are just mean or is there any logic I'm missing here?

OP posts:
Apileofballyhoo · 09/01/2018 23:14

I do think some teachers are just mean. Like some people.

PizzaPower · 09/01/2018 23:18

Apileofballyhoo has it spot on and beat me too it!
It shouldn’t be, but unfortunately is the way of the world.

BlackeyedSusan · 09/01/2018 23:21

yep. not many but a few. some are just rigid in their thinking, some cba, either due to teaching exhaustion or just not caring.

Leeds2 · 09/01/2018 23:22

How old is your DC?

When my DD was in primary, it was a school "rule" that they all had to represent the school at sport in at least one fixture per year (and also had to speak in assembly at least once per year). There were B fixtures, but at least everyone got to take part, which I think is important.

violetvendetta · 09/01/2018 23:24

My DC have had a few bullies as teachers, unfortunately it's quite common. It's also quite common to have favourites, children they like and dislike so to some parents there amazing and others there mean.
At the end of the day teachers are just people, just like you can have nasty neighbours, doctors, builders etc you can have nasty teachers.

GreenTulips · 09/01/2018 23:25

I think sports are far too competitive only allowing 'the best' to join in.

Can you imagine if the maths dept did the same only teaching the top 10 kids per class?

School website here praises any sporting event yet the Maths Champs don't get a mention

Not sure why we accept this behavior in one area and not others

echt · 09/01/2018 23:26

YABU. And goady thread title.

This teacher may be being mean, not some teachers, you can't tell. Why don't you ask him/her? It seems unreasonable not to change the line-up if the team loses.

Butterymuffin · 09/01/2018 23:26

Some people of all jobs/kinds are mean.

With this instance, have you spoken to the headteacher? I think I would. There ought to be some level of rotation and that should be proposed.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 09/01/2018 23:27

YANBU although I think they're a minority. They usually have a rep and people will agree with you, take strength in that!

gluteustothemaximus · 09/01/2018 23:27

Yes. I really simply lump people into 2 categories. Those who have empathy, and those that don’t.

All professions have arseholes.

Even the caring profession doesn’t necessarily mean caring person in that role.

Took me a while to work that one out!

FitBitFanClub · 09/01/2018 23:42

Can you imagine if the maths dept did the same only teaching the top 10 kids per class?

That's not the same thing at all. This is for team sports, presumably extra-curricular. A maths lesson is within the school day and therefore for all children. If the school entered some sort of maths competition, presumably it would be considered acceptable to send their best mathematicians?

Italiangreyhound · 09/01/2018 23:44

@whiskybysidedoor I think you are right, some teachers are mean.

But how can you speak to this teacher to try and get them to allow others to play, basing your argument on what's fair, what is good for the team as a whole and what is good for the confidence of the kids.

Plus if they are very young we may well not know yet who will really be into a sport so best to give them a chance.

Thanks
Original poster
whiskybysidedoor · 09/01/2018 23:45

I just get upset for them (and then can't sleep) that it's so unfair and I don't know how to help.

Apparently many before me have tried to complain and have not come off well. I have said something but like my child, I have been ignored.

Didn't mean to be so goady and also name changed Blush. Just grinding my teeth with the frustration of it.

Silly in the scheme of things. Thanks for head wobble.

OP posts:
MrsMaxwell · 09/01/2018 23:46

Teaching, police etc any position of power jobs attract fantastic people but also attractive professions to Narcissists.

caringcarer · 09/01/2018 23:55

Maybe they are trying to build a team. Did the teacher pick the children with best coordination/playing skills? If so and they have lost all matches what chance would the children with less skills have? Not all children can be good at everything. Some children are only good at sport, they may never be good at anything else at school at all. As a teacher you get to see all of the children and their skills and sometimes if you pick a child with absolutely no skills for sport and put them in school team where they will be on public display they do really badly it just makes them feel worse than if they had not been picked. Sometimes better to just work on their skills in less public situations.

disappearingninepatch · 09/01/2018 23:57

I really simply lump people into 2 categories. Those who have empathy, and those that don’t.

Yup.

Cavender · 10/01/2018 00:05

It’s difficult when your kids are disappointed but it’s rather a leap to assume the teachers are doing it to be “mean”.

My D.C. is in a competitive school robotics team. You have to apply to get on the team and places are much sought after. To be in with a chance you need top scores in maths and science, excellent conduct scores and have to produce a paper covering your interest in robotics and why you’d be an asset to the team.

Far more apply that get places. The teachers try to choose the best candidates, if you child doesn’t make it it’s not because the teachers are mean, it’s because someone else was better than you this time.

Teaching your kids to deal with disappointment is and important life skill.

Butterymuffin · 10/01/2018 00:06

Don't write off complaining because it hasn't worked before. Have people complained to this teacher directly, or to the head? Have people come across as whinging about their kids not getting picked, and so been easy to dismiss, rather than asking how the team choices can be made over the whole year in a way that benefits more of the kids? Look for a way.

gluteustothemaximus · 10/01/2018 00:21

Teaching, police etc any position of power jobs attract fantastic people but also attractive professions to Narcissists

THIS!!!!!! x a trillion

GreenTulips · 10/01/2018 00:25

because someone else was better than you this time

send their best mathematicians?

See - schools aren't about inclusion, opportunities for all, engaging encouraging, building self esteem, teamwork,

It's about 'The Best'

Your kid doesn't cut it (apparently) and therefore should be confined to the rubbish bin henceforth -

Seriously this is a school team - everyone should have a go - that's it - no ifs or buts -

It should not be about the teams managers score sheets

Original poster
whiskybysidedoor · 10/01/2018 00:42

Some of the kids not picked are excellent players in outside clubs. But when school knocks their confidence, it has an effect.

If there was a quantifiable reason or hell, any bloody old excuse given I could work with it. But there isn't anything.

Buttery you're right and that's what I want to do, Just really struggling with how & don't want to make it worse. I like asking about the team choices over the year to benefit more kids thing. That can't be ignored can it and is a perfectly reasonable question.

OP posts:
LegallyBrunet · 10/01/2018 00:44

I think some teachers are just mean. I love music. When I was in primary school I desperately wanted to learn the violin- nope, only four kids from each class were chosen to learn the violin despite parents having to pay so theoretically this should have been open to anyone. I desperately wanted to be in the school choir- I was the ONLY girl in my class NOT picked to be in the choir. And it wasn't anything to do with my singing ability; I was later selected to be in the secondary school choir that toured Europe and sang in the Vatican and am heavily involved in musical theatre groups. Needless to say, eight year old me was devastated and my confidence took a blow. Some teachers are just cruel.

FitBitFanClub · 10/01/2018 15:56

You think that sending a child who's not strong in the subject to a maths competition is going to boost their self-esteem? Hmm

GreenTulips · 10/01/2018 16:12

I think everyone deserves a chance - they might just surprise you!

If they're keen and want to participate than why not?

FitBitFanClub · 10/01/2018 17:55

I think everyone deserves a chance - they might just surprise you!

Yeah, well that might be a good soundbite, but in practice it means little. Any teacher worth their salt knows what their pupils maths abilities are like, and to put a child who struggles into some sort of inter-school competition, where they'd meet some stonkingly talented and quick mathematicians and be publically slaughtered and humiliated, would be downright cruel.

There are plenty of other opportunities to encourage keen-ness, such as school clubs (for maths) where they can play around with numbers and do investigations and puzzles and whatever. Show-casing in public a child who is keen but doesn't have the maths skills to match would be counter-productive.