Is people being happy such an offence?

[RebelRogue]

This is not a TAAT, it's about many threads.

Every time someone posts about seeing(on social media or real life) other people happy/having (what they assume) a good life/ enjoying or having something or other, the thread fills with other posters trying to convince OP how those people must actually be miserable,insecure,vain,boring,insipid nothings. The partner must be cheating, they must be in debt,their kids must be awfully behaved, there must be depression/illness/ infertility etc.
Something, anything that would supposedly make OP feel better because others have a shit life too.
It's like people aren't actually allowed to be happy.
No one's life is perfect that's true but why do so many people have to find so many reasons that someone can't possibly be reasonably happy or have an ok life?

I think it's often the case that the posters replying to the OP are showing a bit of sympathy, rather than justifying the OP's upset that someone else seems to have a perfect life, and the OP doesn't.

People are allowed to be happy. However, it sometimes is hard to see that when you are having a hard time, and the people whose fb pages you're looking at might have something in common with you - school friends, family etc - and one can't help but feel, why not me?

The thing is, realistically, people mostly post the good PR on fb, and few people post 'my kid's tantrum won't stop, the cat's been sick in my slippers and my partner is having an affair with a colleague PS I've been made redundant, my life fucking sucks' ie real life. When you're depressed or just a bit down in the dumps, it's a bit painful to look at the perfect family, and sometimes a bit of solidarity from your friends, helps.

Meh, I find it tiring too. Nobody is allowed to say anything positive about their life without a 60 second disclaimer about how this is their view and others are equally valid, and how it's only their opinion etc etc. It's tedious how terrified we have become of upsetting someone else because we think something is going well in our lives. You can't talk about anything that's going well for fear of being seen to imply that everyone that doesn't have it is doing badly.

Of course people can be happy

I truly question though why people post it on social media ? Who are they showing and why do they feel the need to show what a great time they are having ? We all know the types ..,.

I agree with you OP

YANBU. Let people be happy! There are some mean posts on here slating people for daring to post pictures of their happy children at the moment. Some posters need to grow up.

It also refers to real life though, not just social media.
Plus I don't see how it really helps, actual help. Sure, a few minutes of commiserating and making up scenarios to prove everyone's life sucks might be nice, but it doesn't change anything about OP's life or their outlook.

I find it more depressing how people think someone else being miserable, or reassuring themselves/others that someone is miserable is a good thing.

Where I'm from we have a saying for that "make sure the neighbour's goat is dead too". Probably doesn't make any sense

YANBU. It’s a shame people can’t just be happy for each other when things are going well for others a lot of the time. But it’s the same in RL.

There’s not a finite amount of luck and happiness to go around.

I have a lovely life. I'm very happy and lucky. I haven't always felt this way which makes how I currently feel worth celebrating. I post pictures of my children on Facebook for family that live far away (especially grandparents) I love to see things my friends get up to and take inspiration for my own weekends from them. My life is as nice as it looks, honestly. Comparison is the thief of joy - it's a much better use of your time to focus on improving your life rather than casting a shadow on others.

I think there's a grain of truth in that people share their best bits online and in public.

But have to admit some on here take delight in telling OPs that anyone publicly happy must be miserable.

some on here take delight in telling OPs that anyone publicly happy must be miserable.

This is what i was trying(not very well maybe) to say. There's a certain glee and top trumps of what they can come up with to make the other person not "as good" as they seem, some going quite extreme.

And if it's not misfortunes, it's arm chair psychology about insecurity,empty lives etc.

I dunno. Much as I'm all for embracing happiness, I have one friend who has a particularly difficult home life. I know that if there's a FB post about her weekend showing her perfect family, there will likely be tears on Monday morning because actually, her weekend was shit. I think she puts herself under pressure to appear perfect, when life is far from that.

I get you rebel.

The sort of thread about some friend has been with her boyfriend of a year, got engaged and is now pregnant and have been on holiday. OP is feeling a bit crap because they've been TTC for 2 years.

People could say 'I feel for you OP. Sometimes life is really crappy and it seems good people who are deaperate for a baby find it tough and people who aren't bothered manage it'.

But others will say:
Person A) But just think of the strain that baby will put on their relationship.
Person B) Exactly. They're probably just going on holiday to escaoe the panic of having an unplanned pregnancy
Person C) It's easy for them to show off on facebook but it probably won't last. People only get engaged and have a baby that quickly if there's something wrong. They're probably hoping the baby and a wedding will solve their issues.

By Person L it's 'I bet your friend has probably trapped him because there were lots offl issues or he's cheated and they are hoping the baby will take the pressure off them. People who share holiday photos on facebook are only doing it because their holidays are miserable. The fancy engagement announcements are a cover for people who are very insecure and the marriage probably won't work because they're both insecure.

I think these days you’re not allowed to feel anything tbh.

If you appear happy, you’re either not really happy or you need to dial it down to not offend anyone.
If you’re sad about something, well you can’t be sad because there are people starving in the world.

@MaisyPops by person Z there will be STD's, a secret love child and some kind of police involvement.

They might have to log it with 101 just in case.

And then instead of some sympathy for the OP feeling rubbish because TTC is heartbreaking when you're over a year and you have moments feeling bitter, people point out why the friend's life (who has a baby on thr way which js just what OP wants) must be a sham. That probably makes the OP feel even better about themselves, not.

If someone is truly happy 😃 then Who cares if some unhappy people online say ‘oh she is not that happy really’ to another unhappy person online ? Kind of like ‘so what’ ? Some people are unhappy that’s kind of a pre requisite to life surely ??

Now bloody xmas is over I am a hell of a lot happier that’s fo sure

YANBU agree agree agree

I'm happy. I've had people say that I can't possibly be happy because I'm single/not well off, etc. I have an (ex) friend that used to try to get me to sit there and slag off my exh and his girlfriend because she was convinced I must somehow be bitter towards them! I have absolutely no ill feeling to either of them and we all get on well but she just seemed to want to create drama for me. Nothing worse than people who try and get you to be miserable because they are.

I actually don't see many happy posts on Facebook, I see more negative ones. "Could anything else go wrong" etc. I like seeing happy posts.

Yanbu. There is something very sour and unappealing about people who hate to see others being happy. That said, I do feel sorry for people whose mental health is so fragile that they are negatively affected by Facebook and the like. Must be awful to live with.

There are people who post about their perfect lives on Facebook but you know because they’ve told you that they are furiously paddling away under the surface as the DH is on the brink of leaving.

And the braggers are out there too. Facebook attracts every type. What about the younique crowd who are actively encouraged to lead perfect Facebook lives because the whole ‘business’ model is bolstered up by it?

Most people are happy for others although I suppose the doom and gloomers will always exist too. If you are posting your genuinely happiness 20 times a day then I might start to wonder if you are protesting too much.

The thing is with something as fake as Facebook of course you're going to find criticism. I think it's disingenious to pretend that it's to do with people not wanting others to be happy. It isn't - it's the fake perfect lives.

I like my friends. But not wanting to see pic after pic of their child in my newsfeed doesn't mean I hate them being happy. Im just bored by it.

Of course I know people who are happy.
I'm glad, life's way too short to be actively unhappy or to not do all in your power to change a situation that makes you unhappy. Now I'm thinking on it - those people either aren't on Facebook, or are there very rarely.

Just as well happiness isn't defined solely via posting on Facebook isn't it.

I work really hard to be happy and see the positives. I had depresssion and anxiety and I have had therapy and work every day to be sure that I’m not slipping back into that mindset. I’d no idea that it pissed people off.

I don’t think it does Bluedoglead. Not the sort of people you should care about anyway.

I have a great life, but I don’t feel the need to post it all over social media. I send updates to family via email. I do wonder about people who post every second of their lives on Facebook. Why?

RebelRogue "Make sure the neighbours' goat is dead too" - my dad says that😁

In relation to real life, as opposed to social media yes, there are some people who think saying "oh don't worry, your next door neighbour's probably got a shitty life too" is somehow supposed to soothe someone who isn't feeling so good. But - you see people giving that "advice" online, don't you. So it's back to social media again.