Is people being happy such an offence?

[RebelRogue]

This is not a TAAT, it's about many threads.

Every time someone posts about seeing(on social media or real life) other people happy/having (what they assume) a good life/ enjoying or having something or other, the thread fills with other posters trying to convince OP how those people must actually be miserable,insecure,vain,boring,insipid nothings. The partner must be cheating, they must be in debt,their kids must be awfully behaved, there must be depression/illness/ infertility etc.
Something, anything that would supposedly make OP feel better because others have a shit life too.
It's like people aren't actually allowed to be happy.
No one's life is perfect that's true but why do so many people have to find so many reasons that someone can't possibly be reasonably happy or have an ok life?

You are right. My husband never tells my mother in law the nice things but does a miserable embellished version so she isn’t upset that we’ve had a good holiday/nice weekend/pleasant supper party etc. So ten fabulous days in Sri Lanka and he talks to MIL about litter.

I truly question though why people post it on social media ? Who are they showing and why do they feel the need to show what a great time they are having ? We all know the types ..,.

Because I like to share the things that make me happy with my friends and I love getting to see the things that make them happy and proud too.
I've travelled a lot and lived in a lot of different places so social media is a wonderful way to keep in touch with people I might not have been able to do otherwise.

If we leave off the personal successes from social media, we'll just be left with whinging, cat memes and politics.

What do people want to see on facebook? Its quite easy to tailor your feed.

I totally agree with you OP. And it's such a depressing mindset because the logical conclusion of it is that no one is really happy, which if you are happy you know isn't true and if you're unhappy would make you wonder what's the fucking point? I sincerely hope I never become someone who uses the thought that someone I know might be suffering infertility or being cheated on to cheer myself up.

When a person is truly happy they don't have to prove it to the world by constantly posting hysterically happy updates on social media.

Don't get me wrong, I don't begrudge cute kid pics and holiday pics or good news. It's just when it's fairly frequent it seems a bit fake and attention seeking.

And also can be deemed pretentious.

I post good things on SM because people judge my circumstances, which on the surface aren't great for various reasons. Within though things are fine and there's little I would change. Sometimes we do something or one of my children does or says something so clever or fun that I want to share it with someone and as a single parent I don't have another adult to tell . Most people on my FB do actually care about me and my kids and like seeing things go well for us given our difficult circumstances. Life is a grind mostly and I think most people who post nice things they've done are probably having a lovely or contented moment and just want to share it.

I think it's staggering how many people thrive on misery and other people being miserable!

Rebel, It's a short-cut, I think.

I suspect it takes experience and reflection to move from those close-to-hand emotions and emotional responses ("I am miserable; seeing people happy reminds me of my unhappiness; this makes me angry" Cure: "Being angry with them isn't good for you, try and imaging they are as miserable as you are,") to more nuanced responses ("I am miserable; seeing people happy reflects my own misery to me; this makes me angry." Cure: "OK. Let's take apart the complexity of your anger; it's based on fear and sadness; let's look at the fear - is it realistic? What can you do? Will being angry/imagining other people are miserable help? Being angry can help but possibly only if it turns to action - let's look at that ...").

As you can see, approach 1 is quite quick and doesn't rely on a. people interacting with the unhappy person having a long-term relationship with them b. the unhappy person being prepared to spend a bit of time pulling apart complexities (and dealing with the discomfort puling apart those complexities can bring).

As a short-term solution "Imagine they're really miserable" can help and is quite pragmatic.

Long-term, it's a bit frustrating.

I think it's more about finding social media happy a bit fake. I'm happy (not that I don't have problems) but wouldn't really put that on display. Makes me wonder whether those who do are over compensating,!

On social media - not really - unless you know people well as I think it's a tool that people post one thing whereas reality can be v different .
In real life - is say yes - the positive vibes of happiness which can lead to being kind , sunny in nature etc if genuine can rub off and affect others in a positive way .

I agree with you also and i don't really understand it. You see it on here all the time, people comfort themselves by thinking that there must be another story, they must really be unhappy too.

You see it about "things" too. How do they afford something and the responses are all about they must be in debt, or some other shit.

I think is a comfort thing, to make them feel better. They don't really want to think someone has a good life, they'd rather think really it's all a bit shit and they are lying.

For me though, I'd say, if it makes the person feel better to think that. Then let them crack on. Where's the harm if it makes them feel better about themselves.

This gets on my nerves.
I'm generally happy. Yes things get on my nerves. often. Ds1 getting late minutes and forgetting to take his immunisation form in, that I've filled in. For the 2nd time.

Sometimes I post things like that. Sometimes I don't.

Sometimes I post being out for the day. Bring out in a restaurant in London.
Doesn't everyone know that's not every day life? Isn't that a given?

What do people expect you to post?

I guess it's the fact that it's everything... if it was just about younique style posts i could understand. But it's mostly people going on (in real life or social media) about their lives, kids, relationships, jobs, gadgets whatever they enjoy and are up to. I don't even think it necessarily expresses happiness, unless specifically stated.
It's also the fact that it's seen by many as boasting,overcompensating or whatever.

Unless ofc they moan about x,y,z but that's depressing as well.