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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just want them to wipe.

28 replies

Carouselfish · 09/01/2018 18:08

At a new nursery where the staff are lovely, the setting is known by my DD and she seems really happy. First day. I'd mentioned on her form that she's prone to UTIs and has had a few, so please make sure she's wiped front to back and helped on the loo. She's only recently potty trained but taken to it fast; I wipe her at home.
Pick her up and find out staff aren't allowed to wipe their bottoms and she has to do it herself, she went once supervised to the loo and twice alone. She's 2 and a half. We tried seeing how well she could do this when we got home, explaining what to do. She can't, she just scrubs forward and back. She can't really reach herself from the back which might help with just going one way. She's just too young.
So now I'm just sitting waiting for the UTI I guess. I wish I hadn't potty trained her so at least she'd be cleaned up when she had a wet nappy. It's just the one issue where I really needed things to be monitored - making sure she drinks her drink and is wiped front to back.
Just wanted to vent really. I was really hopeful about her going there and hadn't even imagined there'd be no toilet help. Maybe I'll have to wait until she's old enough to do it properly herself which will be cutting it fine as I'll be working full time from Sept and I wanted to ease her in. Is it the norm to not be allowed to wipe for children?
So as not to drip feed, it's in the family to be prone to them. She's not been referred to a paed yet as the last time her sample wasn't enough to send off yet was enough for antibios.

OP posts:
Jassmells · 09/01/2018 18:12

My nursery wipes. I thought they all did. How odd. Will they do it if you lit it as a medical reason?

MimsyBorogroves · 09/01/2018 18:21

Eldest DS's nursery were the same. He was a summer baby, and late to get the hang of wiping effectively. He used to end up really sore, but they were adamant they wouldn't help him. Sigh.

Rolypolybabies · 09/01/2018 18:23

I'd challenge this

So it Is fine to intimately wipe a baby / toddler in nappies, but not once they are in pants? That is really odd.

In terms of her health and comfort I'd reconsider this..

donquixotedelamancha · 09/01/2018 18:24

Pick her up and find out staff aren't allowed to wipe their bottoms and she has to do it herself, she went once supervised to the loo and twice alone. She's 2 and a half.

2.5 year old can't wipe their own bum effectively (or at least mine can't). I think it's a pretty unrealistic expectation. I'm afraid I think it might be time for a new nursery if they won't budge.

Pengggwn · 09/01/2018 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cheby · 09/01/2018 18:27

If they can change a nappy they can wipe a bum. Definitely challenge the policy. They are not meeting her medical needs.

Glumglowworm · 09/01/2018 18:30

If it’s a nursery that only takes toilet trained children then I can understand the no wiping rule

But if they happily change nappies then I don’t know why they won’t help potty trained children with wiping, especially if the parents request it

Ask them what happens if she has an accident, would she be expected to clean herself up or would they help? Because expecting a 2 year old to clean up after a poo accident is too much!

I would want a setting to have enough common sense and compassion for the children not ending up sore or with UTIs and who would help.

RavingRoo · 09/01/2018 18:32

Someone’s lying to you. If they can wipe babies they can wipe toddlers. Complain

quicklyFascinating · 09/01/2018 18:37

"staff aren't allowed to wipe their bottoms"

Nonsense. Maybe they don't want to or maybe the policy maker is an idiot.

Speak to someone in charge. If nothing changes then find somewhere better.

ohtheholidays · 09/01/2018 18:55

I've worked in nurserys and we always supervised children going to the toilet,mainly to make sure they'd washed and dried they're hands properly(thread worm can be rife otherwise)and we'd always help a child that needed help with going to the toilet.

MemorylikeDory · 09/01/2018 19:08

In any child care setting they have a duty of care towards every child. They should be doing for your daughter What needs to be done to keep her healthy. I would raise this with the nursery manager.

HandPrintMug · 09/01/2018 19:22

As far as I know at my DCs nursery they wipe (DC isn't toilet trained yet) until they get the hang of it. But they have a small cubicle with one toilet in all the rooms until the room they go into before they go to school so children are taken individually so they can be wiped.

Alpacaandgo · 09/01/2018 19:23

What utter bollocks! How can they expect a 2 1/2 year old to wipe their own bum, that's crazy. My dd went to a nursery where the children had to be potty trained but they still wiped the little ones bums for them and accompanied them to the toilet to help with buttons and clothes and stuff. This nursery is clearly bonkers.

kaytee87 · 09/01/2018 19:25

Ridiculous they aren't allowed to wipe. What reason did they give for this? What do they do for children still in nappies? Just not clean them up?

hazeyjane · 09/01/2018 19:26

If it’s a nursery that only takes toilet trained children then I can understand the no wiping rule

No nursery should only take toilet trained children.

They should help with toileting, which includes wiping/helping with wiping, if necessary

Ansumpasty · 09/01/2018 19:32

Perhaps get a medical note?
Fingers crossed for you that being out of nappies stops the utis anyway.

Original poster
Carouselfish · 09/01/2018 19:41

Thanks all. The toilets are little and in the room with them all but she can't really climb on by herself when I've seen her there not in a nursery setting so don't know how she suddenly can.
Yes, they do have several in nappies. Agree it's a bizarre distinction.
I'll see. If she does get another UTI I'll go the medical note route, if not, I'll just make extra sure she's bathed before and after. It's such a nice place and the people are so lovely and I've spent ages getting to know them all and getting her used to the place, as well as hoping she'll be going to the school there eventually so moving really isn't an option, only removing and delaying.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/01/2018 19:44

I’d ask for a meeting about it. Don’t wait for her to be ill first. If they can manage nappies they can deal with this.

Madwoman5 · 09/01/2018 19:52

Dc's primary teacher told me that if a child cannot touch their opposite ear via the top of their head, they cannot wipe as this is the same measurement.
Yeah, you are trying it now aren't you!!
To force the issue is daft and risks her getting excrement or urine on her hands/under her nails whilst she yogas herself into a position to wipe.
Never heard such nonsense from a nursery.

PinPon · 09/01/2018 19:56

My kids were definitely wiped at nursery. Seems a strange ‘rule’.

Original poster
Carouselfish · 10/01/2018 14:46

I'm going to buy her a step to leave there so I don't have to worry about her asking for help to get up and them being dubious about it. Am teaching her to just dab (not wipe in any direction) for the time being.
Done some research and it does seem that quite a few nurseries won't help with toileting although good practice guidelines on intimate care seem to leave it up to the school. It's because they aren't supposed to help 1:1 in a toilet and can't spare 2 staff to do it when they've got 15 other children in the main room to watch. I do understand it. Just upset it wasn't made clear in any of the application forms. (I do also think if they can do nappy changes, and some of the 3 year olds there are in nappies, what difference does it make?). Also, knowing my DD, washing her hands will involve 10 minutes of her playing with the water and soaking her arms every time, so that's a lot of clothes she'll get through!

OP posts:
hazeyjane · 10/01/2018 15:05

They shouldn't need 2 adults to help a child, and nurseries can't refuse children who aren't toilet trained. Their ratios should be such that an adult can be changing a child, or helping them with toileting,

Original poster
Carouselfish · 10/01/2018 20:51

Checked the guidelines of the school (had to do a lot of searching!) and it seems re. personal care they should be encouraged to be independent within the limits of their ability! I'll be using that direct quote when I have a friendly chat with her key worker. Now the difficulty is keeping them on side because I really do like the staff...

OP posts:
BrutusMcDogface · 10/01/2018 20:57

What a load of rubbish! Of course they are "allowed" to wipe a bum. They are also cbs checked so that they are allowed to be 1:1 with a child. For goodness sake! I work in preschool and will always happily help a little one on the toilet. Bless your daughter; hope she doesn't get any infections.

brownelephant · 10/01/2018 21:03

if she's prone to uti's is she drinking plenty?
are you boil washing her knickers?

I agree that dc around potty training age need to be shown and helped with wiping.
speak to nursery manager.