AIBU to ask Overweight friends this?

[greengorilla]

Name change

I have a history of eating disorders, until last week I have been at a healthy bmi for 20 years.
My best 4 friends are overweight, I love our friendship but I know our friendship is what is making me slip back into my ED.
I have been drafting messages to send for the last few days, asking if they can restrain from talking about weight or dieting in front of me and if I can skip on dinner, spa days etc but I feel like I would be completely unreasonable to do so and will end up causing offence and getting pushed out.

AIBU to bring this up? Any advice how I can handle this

Also diet talk is excluding for a lot of people and it can also be boring.
not if there are 4 of them and 1 of you.
'as you know I have struggled with anorexia in the past, and I am afraid of slipping back. I am asking all my friends and aquaintances to try to avoid talk about dieting and weight whilst I am about'

I definitely think you need to frame as it's not about them being overweight and more about your specific needs right now. I'm overweight and I don't talk about this stuff. I don't have spa days or lunches devoted to stressing about food. It's got nothing to do with their weight and more to do with their approach to eating and their bodies. I would just maybe emphasise how it's that time of the year when everyone becomes more focused on getting healthy and losing weight and you just need to be careful and make sure you're taking care of yourself right now and that you hope they understand if you seem a bit distant or aren't able to join in those conversations. Good friends truly will understand that and not take it personally, assuming it's phrased in the right way.

Thankyou everyone

I have personalised @peachgreen 's message and sent it, fingers crossed.

I also have anorexia and think you are being very wise and proactive in noticing the problem - I love diet and weight chat and will listen to it all day

To be honest, I'd probably just wait till the next time it was mentioned and say, 'Oh, I'm really sorry but I'm a nightmare with diet chat, it pushes all my eating disorder buttons. Do we mind if we change the subject when I'm around?'

I'd also probably take myself off sometimes or tell them I was really happy for them to meet up sometimes without me because, when you're on a diet, group support is helpful and fun and I wouldn't want to take that away from friends.

cross post, sorry - hope you get the support you need from them.

2/3 friends have read the message but no reply. Slightly panicking

NO need to panic - in the same way as you put some thought into composing your message, they will no doubt want to consider carefully before replying.

Theyre probably just putting thought into their reply

personalising peach's messages is ideal. Try not to worry. You are doing the best thing explaining and asking for support rather than distancing yourself.

Your message made me cry. I do so feel for you and I hope your friends understand. However you word your message, someone is going to have suggestions for doing it differently. You know your friends best. Are they such fragile flowers that they can talk about their weight and diets together but if you mention it in a message they will be hurt/'triggered'/ or whatever. Say what you have to say with kindness as your motivation and that is the best that you can do. Good friends will understand, I'm sure. I hope your struggle is a short one. :-)

Oops! Started a message and came back to it later not realising that you had sent yours. Sorry. Don't worry about not getting an immediate reply. Thoughtfulness takes time, and I hope that they are putting some thought into whatever they have to say, just as you did. :-)

Still no reply, I know that probably means there just being thoughtful but waiting is very stressful.

Thankyou everyone for your help and kind messages

Or they might just be getting home from work & cooking dinner...

Your message was well thought out & you have been very wise in looking after your own health. No one would ask someone with a broken leg to train for a marathon.

I really hope it works out for you - I'm sure it will, good friends will understand and want to support you.