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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset about present

43 replies

Dishwashersaurous · 09/01/2018 13:39

Last week was my birthday. Husband brought me a hideous piece of jewellery. He thought I would love it, but it was horrible and not me at all. I told him that it wasn't my taste and he took it back. However, I keep on dwelling on how he misjudged what I would like. So aibu to want to discuss it with him, even though I'm not sure what the benefit would be

OP posts:

Trytrytry2018 · 09/01/2018 13:42

I wouldn’t read too much into it, that’s a little dramatic. My husband bought me the worlds most boring engagement ring but I love him more than life so I love the ring and have never taken it off. Not saying you should have kept the necklace but does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?

MiddleClassProblem · 09/01/2018 13:44

A piece of jewellery is hard to judge though. My DH wouldn’t know where to start for me! My mum frequently buys me pieces that aren’t me at all. It’s the thought that counts!

VodkaRevelation · 09/01/2018 13:48

Personal taste is what it says it is: personal. I’ve had present bought for me in the past by my husband and family members that are I really didn’t like but they thought I would. Sometimes people misjudge what might fit into someone’s taste preferences. He isn’t you. I really wouldn’t make a big deal of it.

flumpybear · 09/01/2018 13:51

God no, just get something you like! Don't start picking him up because he didn't know exactly what you wanted, I've been with my DH 22 years and he wouldn't know

Porpoises · 09/01/2018 13:53

Its never unreasonable to discuss anything with your partner! Don't phrase it as an attack, but if you talk about what's worrying you he might be able to reassure you, or offer a different perspective.

Porpoises · 09/01/2018 13:56

Usually when my boyfriend explains why he reached a conclusion, e.g. about what i would like, it helps me see that he cares and why he though that, even if the conclusion was completely wrong.

Marylou2 · 09/01/2018 13:58

My husband bought me some earrings that I adore for Christmas. I've coveted them for ages. I handed him the ipad with the pay page open cos that's how we do stuff. I asked him if he liked them and he made a face so I guess not. I don't care one jot though. God knows what I'd get if he chose. His choice in jewellery is not why I married him. You need to be more free and frank with your husband.

hellsbellsmelons · 09/01/2018 14:04

Looking at what goes on with others on here and their birthday gifts, I'd be grateful.
As long as he wasn't offended when you wanted to take it back that's fine.
Jewellery is a very personal and not many get it right unless they have their partner there with them.

Branleuse · 09/01/2018 14:07

you should never let anyone else choose your jewellery for you. Its far too personal. It doesnt mean he doesnt know you. It doesnt mean anything.

Original poster

Dishwashersaurous · 09/01/2018 14:09

I know it's not that important in the grand scheme of things and he had a good, logical reason to buy it. Think I'm just feeling a bit down on a cold, damp grey day and am dwelling on things.

OP posts:

clumsyduck · 09/01/2018 14:11

I don't know I think when a gift is way off from someone who knows you well it can be a bit hurtful but I think jewlrey is quite difficult , I don't think I'm that picky but when I look at jewlrey for myself there can be things that are very Similair and il love one but not the other so imagine trying to buy it for someone else is difficult !

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 09/01/2018 14:12

Honestly, don't build this up into a big deal. He tried, he failed, he was (hopefully) good humoured about returning the item... Unless it was a giant swastika pendant made of blood red rubies you don't need to take it personally.

feral · 09/01/2018 14:13

My husband always buys me jewellery I don't like. Well, he did. Now I just say get me x instead. Taste is very particular

Trinity66 · 09/01/2018 14:14

It's not a big deal, buying jewelry for other people is really difficult, I think it would be a bit mean to make him feel bad for trying to do something nice for you tbh

Ragwort · 09/01/2018 14:15

Present buying is a nightmare, I have been married 30 years and can count on one hand the number of times that my DH has chosen me a really nice present - equally I know that I rarely choose the right thing for him.

We now no longer buy each other gifts but prefer to choose something together.

TheViceOfReason · 09/01/2018 14:15

Unless there is a massive drip feed about relationship issues / a history of PA bad gifts / monogamy issues that make you think it was bought for someone else - your DH tried to buy you a present you would like. You didn't. So he returned it.

No biggie.

Jewellery is so personal - the tiniest detail can change something from "love it" to "hate it".

Bringing it up and questioning why he thought you'd like it makes you sound very hard work - just move on for gods sake. Maybe next time you are in town / on line show him a few things you do really like?

susurration · 09/01/2018 14:18

Well how do you see the discussion going? Would you actually reach any kind of sensible conclusion without one of you being upset? Would you end up just berating him and both of you feeling resentful- you because you feel he doesn't get your point; he because he might end up wondering why he bloody bothered?

You can ask him if he would prefer you to point out your preferred style, but I don't see the point in making it into a big .

Rebeccaslicker · 09/01/2018 14:19

You say it all in your post, OP - he thought you'd love it. He put in the effort and the time to choose something he genuinely thought you'd like. YABU to feel down about that! It sounds like disappointment rather than anything else.

However there's nothing wrong with giving him some ideas about what you do like. Take him window shopping; show him a brochure/website (Tiffany is a nice one ) - he'll get better at it!

Seniorcitizen1 · 09/01/2018 14:19

You are being ridiculous

Lizzie48 · 09/01/2018 14:20

Just go with him to choose something next time, or go online and show him what you would like. It's not a big deal, is it?

user1495451339 · 09/01/2018 14:20

He is the one that should be hurt not you! I wouldn't make more a big deal about than you already have especially if he took the gift return in good faith.

BitOutOfPractice · 09/01/2018 14:20

tbh I think that would be really rude. He thought you'd like it and had a good reason to do so. You didn't. It's not a big deal. It doesn't mean he doesn't know you or anything. Just that you had a different opinion on a single piece of jewelery

Stop dwelling OP and give him a big snog when you see him

BarbarianMum · 09/01/2018 14:21

Oh you poor darling. Yes you should definitely sit down and have a long heart to heart with him about how let down you feel.

RatherBeRiding · 09/01/2018 14:21

What on earth is there to discuss? He got it wrong - not exactly a hanging offence. At least he went to the trouble of getting something he thought you'd like and was good enough to take it back when you said it wasn't to your taste.

Maybe next time there's a gift buying occasion looming, send him a wish list and ask him to pick something. Then you'll get something you like you but there will still be the element of surprise.

Rafflesway · 09/01/2018 14:25

Let it go, OP! 🙂

My DH bought me a necklace 2 years after we married which just wasn’t me at all. I told him and he returned it for refund and bought me something else instead.

We are still happily married 37 years later. Definitely not a biggie!

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