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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset about present

43 replies

Dishwashersaurous · 09/01/2018 13:39

Last week was my birthday. Husband brought me a hideous piece of jewellery. He thought I would love it, but it was horrible and not me at all. I told him that it wasn't my taste and he took it back. However, I keep on dwelling on how he misjudged what I would like. So aibu to want to discuss it with him, even though I'm not sure what the benefit would be

OP posts:

ParanoidGynodroid · 09/01/2018 14:25

Similar situation to ragwort here: nearly 30 years together and in that time one jaw-droppingly wonderful bracelet, and tons and tons of hideousness. No one can really get someone else's taste just right.

We shop together or give each other fairly precise instructions as to what to buy now!

MyKingdomForBrie · 09/01/2018 14:28

Jesus OP, just be bloody grateful for your multitudinous blessings if this is the kind of shite that worries you.

He went out and chose and bought jewellery for you. You didn’t like it. He probably ended up with hurt feelings and you’re sitting around thinking about yourself.

JamieFraserskneewarmer · 09/01/2018 14:28

Just thank your lucky stars that he doesn't seem to have been really hurt and got upset at your rejection of his gift. I made the error of asking to return something to exchange it once for the same resons and then lived with sub-arctic levels of frostiness for weeks afterwards. Now I have to send links of what I want because I am "impossible to buy for"

Ketzele · 09/01/2018 14:34

Unless there's something else to this, I think you should not discuss it with him. We all make mistakes with presents, yes even with people we know well and love very much. What do you expect him to say?? Presumably you'll want to ask how he could have misjudged this, does it mean he doesn't care/doesn't think about you/thinks you are someone else entirely? How can he disprove that? He'll just be hideously hurt and buy you incredibly safe, boring presents for the rest of your life.

Let it go, OP. You will end up getting more hurt if you thrash this on.

KurriKurri · 09/01/2018 14:34

OP - I find the cold damp dark short days are really making me depressed (more depressed than usual) I am totally over thinking things and being irrational about all sorts of things, so I totally get where you are coming from. Small silly stuff can make you feel sad for no reason.

The best positives are, your lovely DH bought you a present he thought you would like (ie he put ti me and effort into choosing something especially for you - Ok he got it wrong but that's no biggie)

And he wasn't upset when you said you'd like to change it. Why not take him with you to choose something else and then you can show him the kind of stuff you like. Jewellery is a hrad thing to get right, but choosing and buying jewellery even if you miss the mark a bit, is a nice thing to do.

Jaxhog · 09/01/2018 14:37

I wouldn't worry, its a man thing. I've been happily married for many, many years and DH STILL has no idea what jewelery I like! My brothers don't have a clue regarding their wives either.

mindutopia · 09/01/2018 14:38

We are generally long past the point of guessing what the other likes. My dh does pretty well at it frankly because he pays attention and makes note of things when I happen to mention I like them. I'm hopeless and am always multi-tasking and frantic and truly pay no attention, even though I know him well and would love to get him something he really likes (most of it frankly is like technical gear for hobbies or other similar creative pursuits that I have no idea about). We just tell each other what we want. The last time my dh bought me jewellery was when our dd was born (that was 5 years ago). He got it right because I literally showed it to him and said, 'the Duchess of Cambridge has this pretty mother's necklace and I really love it, especially the one that's like...' I didn't say, buy me this necklace, but pretty much. He was spot on, but just because he didn't try to guess. I literally ask him to send me the link to what he wants, otherwise I would totally mess it up. Present buying is hard. Even when you really know someone and love them and want to make them happy. I would try not to overthink it. It's good he at least took it on board and handled your disappointment well and hopefully in the future will get more feedback from you first for these sorts of purchases. But I would try not to let it upset you. My dh got me some sexy lingerie for my first birthday after we had our dd (our first) and I was seriously like . He got it really wrong. I have never worn it and am aghast at even the suggestion, but he tried, bless him and he's never made a big deal about the fact I've never worn it (it's hideous) and that it went in the bin when we last moved house because I refused to pack it.

maddnessintheroost · 09/01/2018 14:38

Its just jewellery. I forgot that my DH doesn't like green beans the other day. I just ate them off his plate. At least he thought enough of you to try to get something that he thought you would like

CeciliaBartolli · 09/01/2018 14:40

Gosh yes, I can see how that would tear you apart .... not

lazyarse123 · 09/01/2018 14:48

Unfortunately my husband has not worked for 6years due to health issues and in that time I have had only one hand made gift from him. He is more bothered by this than I am. You need to count your blessings and get over yourself.

snowgirl1 · 09/01/2018 14:49

YANBU to be a bit disappointed you didn't get a present you liked.

YABU in wanting to discuss it. It would be lovely if someone 'got' you enough to get you exactly the type of jewellery you'd like - but people aren't mind readers - he's not inside your head hearing your internal voice of what you like/don't like. If you want him to buy jewellery you like, then you either need to send him a link to exactly what you'd like or, as a PP said, drop massive hints 'oh, I really like rose-gold delicate jewellery by XXX' and hints about what you don't like might help too.

FizzyGreenWater · 09/01/2018 15:09

Ah don't.

My lovely DH would not be able to buy me jewellery that didn't have somethign wrong with it. He wouldn't even try these days! It's so personal.

I choose my own presents these days and am VERY HAPPY to do so.

Then he wraps them up and I open them in the very comfortable knowledge that I will like what I see. 'Oh! How lovely. I love it!' etc.

Works for control-freaky fussy me :)

ExConstance · 09/01/2018 15:14

I have just posted on the thread that of course I'd marry my lovely, kind and very fanciable husband again if I had the choice. However his history with jewellery purchases is not good. The rhinestone mouse, huge numbers of tiny delicate necklaces, the bracelet that was too fiddly to fasten, he has serious history of getting it wrong. I've sold an awful lot on ebay over the years and now I make it very clear exactly what I want if I think his mind is straying that way.

His history with knitwear is even worse. I once asked for a cream cardigan with fairisle rose pattern in pink, he actually purchased a huge brown jumper thinking it was what I'd asked for. Please don't get upset, I think a lot of men just haven't got a clue with this sort of thing, but they mean well.

nornironlady · 09/01/2018 15:17

My OH buys me a necklace of some sort almost every birthday/christmas/mothers day - I pretty much wear zero jewellery these days. This year another necklace with matching bracelet. I swapped the necklace for some earrings - they are both in my top drawer..........he means well and I think he struggles to think of other options but it's such a waste of money.

Dancergirl · 09/01/2018 15:25

Some really bitchy responses. And you are all missing the point.

OP, I get you. It's not about the jewellery, it's thinking that your OH, who knows and loves you, made an error of judgment.

Completely agree that jewellery is very personal and it's hard to choose for someone else however well you know them. It doesn't mean anything about the relationship at all.

Have you chosen something else instead?

Original poster

Dishwashersaurous · 09/01/2018 15:54

Dancer girl. That's it exactly. I'm feeling down on a dank, miserable day and dwelling on it. I know that I am being silly, as everyone confirmed.

OP posts:

MaudlinMews · 09/01/2018 16:01

I don't think it has any bearing on how they feel about you, they're just not good at gift giving and the thought that goes into it.

I think most people see something and think "oh, that's lovely" and buy it based on how they feel about it, not how the other person would feel about it iyswim.

It's a difficult thing - to put yourself in someone else's shoes. Most people buy what they like, not what they think you'll like after given it careful consideration.

I've had two long term ex boyfriends of several years (note the ex) buy me very expensive jewellery (antiqued dainty silver gothic / Victorian) that's the complete opposite of the things I like to wear (gold/rose gold, sleek, modern), it's just a matter of taste.

I have a friend who wears huge knuckle-duster type cocktail rings and keeps telling me I should get one. I just don't like them but I think they're nice on other people, just not me.

Don't take it personally. Gift giving is an art.

Facelikeaslappedarse · 09/01/2018 16:01

THis happened to me but I kept it, I don’t wear it but I keep it and look at it and smile that my DH went to so much thought and trouble to get me it, even though he was way off the mark, it’s the thought that warms my heart so the sentimental value of the jewellery is priceless.

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