To suddenly be feeling very uneasy about letting my ex have contact with our child

[gnomesweetgnome]

(Sorry this is gonna be long) Me and ex split up a few months ago and I found out I was pregnant shortly after. He begged me to abort, I went to have an abortion, couldn't go through with it, so then went NC with him for about a month, started to prepare for single motherhood and was pretty happy to do so.

He then contacted me saying he wanted to be involved and I was happy for him to be, he was a bit indecisive the first couple of weeks, umming and arring about if he was totally sure but has now come to a firm decision and seems to be excited and happy about the baby, though still thinks it's my responsibility to provide everything for baby on my own and I get the impression he's just going to swan in and visit the baby as and when he feels like it.

Last night, I came across a load of screenshots in my phone from when I first found out I was pregnant and he was absolutely disgusting towards me. Just a couple of examples of things he said to me when I said I didn't want an abortion: he reeled off a list of all the people he'd slept with since we broke up to try and hurt me, called me a slut and a whore and said the baby probably wasn't even his, said he hated this child, wished I'd lose it, said I was playing god by not having an abortion when he wanted me to have one. I remember he'd purposely say things to upset me then laugh down the phone at me with his friends, all them things I felt just came rushing back. There's so much more than that as well. Just makes me wonder how he could go from all that to suddenly wanting to be a father. I wish he'd never got back in touch after everything he's said

I suddenly just feel repulsed at the thought of having him near this child. I know emotions were high then but this was only a couple of months ago. I'm upset he never properly apologised for the things he said and that when he got back in touch to say he wanted to be involved he was indecisive.

AIBU to still be upset and reeling from a lot of the stuff he said? Should I mention it or leave it in the past?

Definitely give the baby your surname. And you choose the first name. If he argues about either name tell him it is simply not up for discussion.

Thanks so much for all the responses

100% planning on not putting him on the birth certificate. Most of his family are not interested in the child at all and his DM and F have booked a holiday for two weeks over the due date!

I'm just really annoyed he posts a lot about baby on social media, he doesn't have a proper job or anything and here I am working my arse off to be able to afford to look after baby alone whilst he spends all of the money he does have on going out drinking and partying. It makes my blood boil. He is clearly only interested in being involved for the attention it gets him I feel

If anyone thinks he's going to step up to the plate as a father, I think you're delusional.

No-one who behaves as he has is a decent man.

If there is any chance of future contact it must not be in the OP's home.

I'd wait and see what interest he shows when the baby's here.

And yes, you'll have to be honest with your child as soon as they can understand.

Oh yes - I wouldn't be in the least bit surprised by that. You will be sparing this child a world of pain, and also leaving a good clear space for someone who will give a damn about you and your child. (If you choose of course). I would be tempted to block him on social media and say exactly why (very publically). They hate their precious reputation being tarnished. Never forget that - its a really useful card to have up your sleeve and so easy to leverage when needed.

Good luck to you my lovely.