feel like the worlds worst mother

[willothewisp17]

introducing my daughter to baby foods with more texture, she will be 7 months on the 28th of jan, but was 10 weeks prem so a little behind development wise.

I made all her purées from scratch (please don't accuse me of a stealth boast, I try my hardest to do everything perfect for her because she had such a hard beginning) and felt the it was the time to move onto purées with a little more texture and flavour because she scoffs everything she eats just now. so first thing I made on yesterday night was rice, peas and mint puréed but still with small bits of rice. today I made a carrot, chickpea and coriander purée (much smoother than the rice and peas).

heated up the rice, pea and mint dinner with back up smooth carrot and lentil in case she didn't like the peas and rice.

she didn't like it, she gagged and brought up what little she had of it and brought up her previous milk.

Anyway, you can't be the world's worst mum because I am.
(I am also Spartacus)

Hi OP, couldn't read and run. DS was 6 weeks premature and went through a phase of gagging when I tried to move him from purée to more textured food. It is stressful when you've spent time preparing something and it's rejected. I had (still have to a lesser extent now he's two, full of energy and on the 25th centile for his actual age) quite a bit of added anxiety about wanting to make sure he was getting enough nutrition given his tough start to life way off the bottom of the weight charts.

I remember getting really worked up about it until a friend with a baby a few months older than DS reassured me the same happened with her DS and it was just that he wasn't ready yet, so just to keep on with the purées and revisit the textured food every couple of days, I did that and sure enough after a few weeks DS started accepting it.

Weaning is extra confusing with a baby who was premature as it's hard to work out what stage they're at, I think the Bliss website has a really helpful section on weaning babies who were prem.

This is why all mine had jars after the first was about 6 months old (you weaned at 4 months in those days).

My daughter was 6 weeks premature and I had postnatal depression and anxiety also.
Its no one's fault that our little ones came early it's just bad luck. Thankfully we have little fighters and that is a true blessing.
As for solids, I found little and often worked well for my dd as her tummy was so little. And then a top up with her bottle
Your anger is usually fear so don't be too hard on yourself.
You get there just give yourself and your daughter time to adjust

when my eldest was a baby and you weaned them at 4 months i made her cod and butter sauce out of the boil in the bag packets with mash and tinned peas, ended up doing a full on Heimlich maneuver at 5 months with her, tipped her upside down and rammed my fingers down her throat.

You are deffo not the worlds worst mother

Oh and the puree pouches for prems is great. The hv don't advise them but I used them first before I introduce lumps etc.

You’ll get used to feeling like a bad Mum, it seems it’s part of the job! we all make mistakes and get angry as we are all human. Don’t worry 😉

Oh in case you misunderstand my post I mean I didn't give mine home made food because I got fed up of seeing my efforts rejected (suddenly worried you'd think I was criticising).

Yep, as @RainbowWish said, the Ella's kitchen pouches were fab for helping DS transition to more texture, if I recall correctly there are some pouches that have texture but no lumps which is like a step forward from stage 1 purée but not fully stage 2

OP, I think it’s something about food made with love veins rejected. My sister went through this. Turns out it was easier to give pre made pouches because she didn’t feel so rejected when her babies refused them.

Good luck!

Love being! No veins!

@RainbowWish anger that is actually fear, sounds about right! all I could think is what if she will never eat anything other than smooth purées!

Two points to make -

Firstly, you definitely aren't the worlds worst mum, we all get stressed and we all get angry and then feel guilty. The fact you feel guilty means you care.

Secondly, if you don't feel comfortable introducing more textured foods, then tell the HV to bog off.

Oh, three. Thirdly, babies gag, it doesn't mean she doesn't like it or isn't ready, it's what they do. She gets used to it soon. Don't stress, and don't intervene unless she's properly choking, she'll learn. *I know how hard that sounds, but you have to let her learn by herself. Look at some baby led weaning articles for advise about what to do when introducing solids, it's not 100% relevant but may help.

I was quite tempted to throttle one of mine when he drew all over the new wallpaper. I think I beat you hands down.

I think most of us have been unreasonably angry with our babies at least once. I certainly have. It's no more "being a bad mother" than is feeling furious with the cat for refusing the cat food he was begging you for half an hour ago.

@Pengggwn oh god, I could have wrote this, motherhood is just a pile of guilt at times!

Why would you be angry? Why would you think you were a rubbish mum?

Sometimes babies don’t like certain flavours or textures, it happens. Also it takes babies a few tries to know they dislike something so do try again.

All you can do is keep offering a variety and baby will find what they like

Also unrational feeling guilty etc is just part of being a parent I think

https://www.bliss.org.uk/weaning-your-premature-baby

I've just had a look at the pdf on there, lots of info re introducing lumps to prem babies

I can assure you that you are nowhere near a bad mum! Relax! We're all just doing the best we can for our children

@PinkHeart5914 angry at the food I had (lovingly) prepared. feel like a terrible mother for being angry. she didn't even know I was angry, she just laughed and then got angry herself when I washed her hair!

My daughter was nine weeks early due to pre eclampsia. It's tough. Sh ad bad reflux too.

My DS hated anything that wasn't smooth and until he was about 1 everything I made was pureed smooth until one day i just started giving him proper meals as they came. Don't feel bad for being angry - I get annoyed if someone doesn't eat the food I've slaved for over an hour to make - she's a baby, everything is new and there will be some things she wont like. When my son didn't/doesn't eat things I tell myself 'Well I still won't eat pork/tomatoes/pasta' etc so I'm not too arsed about it. It doesn't make you a bad mother, it makes you human - and she's unlikely to remember you saying she won't get anything else. I threaten my son with that all the time - I still make him some toast later on!

My son has just turned 8 months and he still can't handle lumps OP! He has severe GORD as well as a couple of other medical issues around food/digestion and food has always been a bit stressful in general for us. I am doing my best not to take it personally if he spits his food out (literally) in my face but it does get old now he's taken to doing it every meal when he used to eat really well. I am taking the "well if you're not hungry now, have your milk and you'll appreciate your dinner more later" attitude. Deep breaths!