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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be p*ssed off with friend's reaction

32 replies

hellymart · 08/01/2018 16:15

We've just got engaged and everyone's thrilled - except one of my best friends, who, when I told her, looked downright p*ssed off, made a bit of a joke and then, after a curt 'congratulations' proceeded to tell us all about HER proposal and engagement (and had a debate with her OH, who was also there, as to whether he got down on bended knee, etc). I wished I'd never told her! Anyone else had an odd reaction from a supposed good friend, to your own happy news?!

OP posts:

Placeboooooooo · 08/01/2018 16:19

She maybe feels as though you’ve stolen her thunder?

Not that she should. Does she always have to be the centre of attention in general? Sounds like she’s pissed off that you’re engaged too so turns the news around so that she can tak about herself.

From what you’ve written she sounds self absorbed and I wouldn’t be too worried about her reaction.

Pickleypickles · 08/01/2018 16:19

To be honest i think you are over reacting, be happy for yourself you dont need anyone else to do it for you and if its really upset you then dont invite her to the wedding/dont speak to her again then she cant bother you anymore

Pickleypickles · 08/01/2018 16:20

sonjadog · 08/01/2018 16:21

When did she get engaged? Is it in the last day or two?

snash12 · 08/01/2018 16:22

How long ago was her engagement? If it was recent then maybe as PP has said she feels you've stolen her thunder.

If it was a while ago then she is just being a bit attention seeking and or jealous.

Congratulations anyway!

Original poster

hellymart · 08/01/2018 16:35

Thanks for your congratulations. She's been married for 20 years!!! But yes, as a couple of you have said, she does like to be the centre of attention, so clearly that's the reason. I can't not invite her to the wedding - she's one of my best friends - and I expect this is just a 'blip' but I was a bit taken aback! I read something about getting engaged and it said 'there will be someone who won't be happy for you' - and I thought 'Nah!' but it was right!

OP posts:

Blonde0nBlonde · 08/01/2018 16:46

I had a similar thing from two of my best friends but they are unhappily single so I think their first thought was about their own situations. I didn't take it to heart, and they both came round within a few weeks and got into the spirit of asking to see the ring and all that stuff. I am conscious not to go on about the wedding stuff though.

paxillin · 08/01/2018 16:46

I am not usually thrilled when people announce their engagement, I am not the SQUEEEEE type. I'd ask some polite questions about it and move on. But I wouldn't bore you with mine, expecting you to be equally disinterested.

MerryMarigold · 08/01/2018 16:48

Maybe she's disappointed because she doesn't like your DFiance.

amusedbush · 08/01/2018 16:49

My friend and I ended up in a weird "competition" that I had no idea I was part of.

When I moved in with now DH, she announced her engagement. When I got engaged, she set the date for her wedding. When I sent out the invitations for my hen party, she announced that she couldn't attend as she would be heavily pregnant at that time.

I don't want kids so I guess she wins

Mummaofboys · 08/01/2018 16:53

I had a bit of a situation like that when I told my SIL and brother I was pregnant again with my second child, they didn’t even manage a congratulations it was more like I announced I had a cold. They ignored my pregnancy for the full 40 weeks gave a token gift and acted utterly unimpressed. ( I didn’t behave like that when they announced their pregnancy it) I think you should give them time to come around to the idea and make a fuss of you but if nothing’s happens in a few weeks I would call an end to the ‘friendship’. If your friends can’t be happy for you I doubt they ever where friends.
Congratulations!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/01/2018 16:57

Sadly you do get jealous twonks who love spoiling your joy.

We told people we had got engaged and a friend asked to see my ring (small solitaire) Another woman shrieked "That's not an engagement ring this is an engagement ring" and shoved a Princess Di alike ring under my nose.

To which my friend replied "Yes, that is an engagement ring... but Curious actually has a man to go with hers"

Saved me from crying

FuckOffDailyMailFools · 08/01/2018 17:00

God no, I never had anything like that when dh and I got engaged. Weird. Does she secretly hate your new df or dissaprove? Or maybe she’s having a shit time and seeing other people happy is upsetting her. Only things I can think of!

FuckOffDailyMailFools · 08/01/2018 17:04

The only time anyone reacted negatively to good news was a ‘friend’ who was extremely rude about me falling pregnant with dc1. She was equally rude when she met her. She dislikes children, which I’d always thought was a bit of a joke. I never expected her to be openly rude about a baby sitting right in front of her. We don’t talk anymore.

But then she doesn’t want children. Your friend is married !

ButtPlugInMyHalloweenHaul · 08/01/2018 17:09

There's always one no matter where you go. Grow a thicker skin and see her in a slightly different light to protect yourself.

Original poster

hellymart · 08/01/2018 17:15

I would never shove my happiness/engagement in anyone's face - in fact, I'm not even telling most people, just a few (as I thought) close/good friends. I deliberately didn't tell her by text/phone on the day it happened as that was her birthday and I didn't want to spoil her thunder, so I waited a week or so, until I was seeing her for a night out with our partners. Anyway, not worth getting worked up about, I suppose. Strange though!

OP posts:

Original poster

hellymart · 08/01/2018 17:17

Agree with you, Buttplug, I need to grow a thicker skin! Am already seeing her in a different light! Maybe she's got marital probs that I don't know about? I suppose that would make you a bit 'anti marriage' but still, she shouldn't rain on my parade! Meanie!

OP posts:

AndInShortIWasAfraid · 08/01/2018 17:21

I know a woman who was so annoyed that her younger brother was getting married that she turned up to their engagement party and announced her engagement. It transpired that she had strong armed her husband into proposing. They had been dating on and off for 10 years and her brother's engagement was the final push to marriage she needed! She also made sure she got married before her brother and his wife did, so organised a massive wedding in weeks really.

They've been married 41 years and can't stand each other. It's very sad. My MIL, when we announced our engagement responded with an 'oh'. That was it.

Congratulations on your engagement! I hope you have a long and wonderful life together.

MrsSchadenfreude · 08/01/2018 17:24

One of my friends lost the plot a bit and said "It's so unfair! You're a fat mess, and you've just got engaged, and I'm slim, look after myself and dress nicely and no-one's interested in me." (She's still single, funnily enough, 25 years on.)

Another said to my other half "Did you mean to ask her to marry you or had the sun affected your brain?"

MissionItsPossible · 08/01/2018 17:32

MrsSchadenfreude

That's horrible!

PinkHeart5914 · 08/01/2018 17:37

I think some people just act weirdly to others being happy tbh.

I mean she had her day 20 years a sodding go so why can’t she congratulate you and smile, it’s not like you got engaged the day after her and booked the same wedding venue for Christ sake.

MrsSchadenfreude What an awful thing for her to say. I wonder why she’s still single.....

DontCallMeCharlotte · 08/01/2018 17:40

I still feel guilty about not reacting properly to one of my best friend's engagement. If I have a defence it was that I was deep in conversation in the pub with a couple of mates and she came in with her now fiance and told us and it just didn't register. When it did, about a minute later, I made an almighty fuss to make up for it. She was fine.

(I learned a lesson about myself that day and I didn't much like what I found!)

BackforGood · 08/01/2018 17:42

Is this a Thread about a Thread maybe ???
Couple of days ago there was a thread where a poster was asking what the 'correct' response was when he friend got engaged to someone she hadn't taken to......

WorraLiberty · 08/01/2018 17:48

Is it possible she doesn't like him?

Some people find it difficult to hide that sort of thing.

crunched · 08/01/2018 17:54

My FIL said "bit previous" and left the room.
Oh well, hopefully the 29 years managed so far prove him wrong.

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