To stick to the baby name?

[friedchickenfrickin]

SIL is due the same week that I am. I know that we could easily give birth weeks apart and obviously could have babies of the opposite sex. But she mentioned she's worried we'll pick the same name. I think this is highly unlikely anyway but WIBU to stick to the name if she gives birth before me and by some miracle picks the same name?!

We live in different countries and they would never be in the same school or see each other more than once every 1/2 years.

With DC1 we picked the name once we knew the sex and kept it to ourselves until announcing at birth. I'd like to do the same this time. Especially as it will be nice for dc1 to hear us discussing baby sister or brother.

Is this a big deal?

As is said nobody owns a name!! Pick the name you want!!

It should depend entirely on how you and your dp feel about it. Nothing else. Personally I wouldn't, because it would feel weird to me, but if that's not how you feel (and no reason why you should, as lots of dc share names) then you should do what makes you happy! Certainly don't let SIL or anyone else guilt-trip you into changing your mind if you've found the right name for your child and don't want to change it.

Why not share the name with SIL and let her know your intentions to stick to the name regardless. If by chance it is one she wanted to use them it will give her the opportunity to change it, and will also be a good way of her knowing you haven’t ‘copied’ her if it turns out to be the same name.

Why don't you just tell her your name and then let her decide if she wants to use it too should it also be her name.

I never understand the secrecy around babies and names and surprises. Nobody actually cares to be blunt, beyond hoping baby is well and you are ok. Baby size, sex, name...... guarded like it's some huge big reveal. So silly.

Thanks for the replies. I was thinking of telling her but not sure she'd take it well because she might see it as calling dibs on a name..I wouldn't be bothered if she picked the same one even after telling her, but she's made it very clear she's bothered about it. God, I don't know what to do. I might just get DH to let it slip and see how it goes down. She's always very forgiving of him!!!

I was ready to say "come off it, don't be difficult" until you said:

We live in different countries and they would never be in the same school or see each other more than once every 1/2 years.

I have a same-age cousin (few months between us, now in our thirties) with the same name. It's never been an issue. We have different middle names and surnames so in family we'd be called Sally Anne and Sally Jane. Zero problem.

DC3 is likely to be in the same class as his (second) cousin so if they'd had the same first name as well as surname it would be confusing and annoying. As it is we're just anticipating confusion about whether they're maybe twins as they were born only a week apart and are strikingly similar though one dark and one fair 🤣

Is the name you're choosing a family Name? Because if not it's not hugely likely it'll be the same Name.

Is it your brother's wife or husband's sister btw?

Can you say to her 'should I tell you our name or would you prefer not to know? We'll probably still use it either way so hope there's no issue with that'.

Then she has the choice and is forewarned of your intention!

@MrsHathaway Husband's sister the name wouldn't be a family name so highly unlikely they'll use the same name.
She can be a bit spoilt sometimes, so I'm worried she'll kick off. It's very very unlikely anyway. I just wanted some honesty as to whether I'm being massively unreasonable or not!

I mean, if you’ve set on a name and she is the one saying she really doesn’t want the same name then if she knows yours in advance she can ensure you don’t have the same name...

Let her brother deal with it lol

Actually I recall that we ninja-ed someone with the name of our pfb. She didn't want to look like she'd "copied" but still liked the name, so she reversed it.

E.g. she wanted Benjamin Samuel, we had Benjamin Arthur, she had Samuel Benjamin.

Fwiw my "Ben" and her "Sam" now totally suit their names.

@MiddleClassProblem that's what I said to DH but everyone is a bit scared of her because in the past she's been known to have full blown tantrums...toddler style. I'm hoping she doesn't but it wouldn't surprise me if she got MIL involved to let her have the name. On the other hand she might be fine, but I'm sceptical of the latter!

Do not tell her what your name is!!!
If you do she will end up using it for sure.

Keep it a secret and decide if you want to use it in the unlikely event she has her bany flrst and uses it first. Even in this case, considering the circumstances I would still use it myself.

Personally I'd get DH to tell her your intended name. I think it's probably very unlikely you'd pick the same one but better to reveal now I'd say (of course tell her she absolutely has to keep it to herself as you and DH want to reveal the big news to the rest of your family and friends yourselves, obviously). And in any case, just get DH to say this is the name we're going to use - confirm it rather than saying this is an idea etc, so she knows you're solid on it.

Why can't she tell you the names she's chosen so you'll know if your both thinking the same?

Don't ask about names!

At least that way whoever gives birth first can't be accused of stealing!

Surely whoever gives birth first names their baby whatever they want to name their baby and the second one decides at that point if they wish theirs to have the same name? Or is that too obvious?

If she gave birth first and picked the name you like would you pick another?

I agree with the others who are saying don't tell her, because whatever you say will be the name she wanted. Or, tell her a different name to see what happens, then you can still use your original choice once baby is born "oh we just didn't think he looked like a George when we met him".

I wouldn't tell her the name. She may not have considered it before, and on hearing it, decide it's the ONLY name she can use.

Go with the name you love. If you do, by chance, end up with the same name the cousins will probably absolutely love that they are the same age & share a first name. As it's DH's sister, they might not have the same surname, which makes it easier.

I do know how you feel, though, OP. I was pregnant at the same time as my SIL who lived in another country, she was due a couple of weeks before me with her first. I was really worried that she might choose the name we wanted, which was the one we hadn't used with DC1. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when she picked a different name so we were able to use the one we wanted for our DC2.

I don't think I could've used the same first name as her as the cousins would have had the same surname too.

I'd just stick with the name you've chosen regardless. My NCT buddies still laugh at me announcing to the room "we're having a girl and she's going to be called x". Because it had taken us so long to choose her name that we weren't budging even if one of them had already chosen it for their child too!

Stick with the name you love but DO NOT tell her before baby arrives.