To ask for advice about naughty toddler?

[LegoMa]

Posting here for traffic as not getting a lot on behaviour and development hope that’s okay.

My DS is 2 in a few weeks and I think he overall he is a bright, funny and loving little boy. His speech is coming on brilliantly and he is talking in short sentences. He’s a good sleeper at night time, goes down fine and sleeps through.
However, he has a real naughty streak and I’m struggling to best know how to deal with him at the mo. Obviously I know most 2 year olds are the same, but sometimes I wonder if they’re as bad as my DS?

Basically he’s SO hyperactive constantly, if he’s in my bedroom he’s getting everything out of my drawers, taking lids off bottles of cream etc, squirting my perfume. Then he will move on to my jewellery box and empty it all out onto the floor- it’s impossible for me to get ready unless DP or someone else is watching him or he’s napping. He’s very very strong willed and throws massive tantrums on the floor, sometimes headbutting it if he doesn’t get his own way. I feel like he’s quite a tightly wound child atm.

He also climbs on absolutely everything. When you tell him not to do something, it just encourages him to do it more. He will climb onto the tv stand and hit the tv repeatedly, you tell him off and remove him and it literally makes no difference, he’s back doing it again. He pushes his cars up and down the wall and then looks at us to see how we’re reacting- he’s bright and it’s like he does these things because he knows how to get a reaction and attention is what he wants.

When changing his nappy or getting him dressed it’s such a battle, arches his back, throws a massive tantrum. He will kick me in the stomach and hit me in the face also. When I tell him off he laughs! He finds it funny when I lose my temper with him (which I try not to do but it’s hard). Yesterday I regretfully burst into tears as I’m at my wits end with him. Tbh he did actually stop misbehaving and gave me a hug and said “Mummy’s sad. love you Mummy” so it’s good to know that he has developed the ability to feel remorse and know that it’s wrong.

Any advice/ experience with this sort of behaviour would be really appreciated. I know I need to set boundaries and nip a lot of this in the bud now, I’m trying but my methods don’t seem to be working!

Hes not naughty. Hes two.

Look up schemas re the emptying

I think any 2 year old who has access to creams and stuff would do the same. You need to put them out of the way. Is there a room you could make safe for him to explore and put things in drawers he can play with? Maybe wash out some containers with lids that he can open etc.
Move him if he's bashing the tv and stand between him and the tv to prevent him from doing it until he gets bored and moves on to something else.
He sounds like a normal curious 2 yr old. Exploring things is how they learn. It's just up to you to put things in place to limit the mess/destruction.

Less is more, there's a reason there's a market for cupboard locks!! Put everything out of reach. Also have stuff he can empty out, toys, a box etc etc. With regards to the TV, remove without words... distract, distract, distract or lock the door where the TV is.

He's not naughty, he's two.

Before the Zammo brigade arrive saying you should 'just say no'. I'll say it's fairly normal 2 year old behaviour. A paediatrician told me it's unfair on both the dc and you if you put unrealistic expectations on them. All children develop differently and some are not ready to move on from this behaviour just yet. She said best thing for all was not to put either of us in that situation as it was just building a negative cycle.

I leave my clothes and toothbrush downstairs so in the morning i can get ready without little fingers foraging about my bedroom.

Sounds like a normal 2 year old to be honest.
Try having a kitchen cupboard full of unbreakable stuff eg plastic pots that he is allowed to empty out and make a mess of. This might distract from the other stuff.
If I'm silly enough to leave the toothpaste within reach my almost 2 yo will empty the whole tube all over the bathroom. I have to set an early alarm so I can get ready before she's up.

I'm following as my 14 month old is already a whirlwind through the house so would be useful to get any tips. She's got a particularly good arm on her and will throw anything she can! I try to say no but it just spurs her on.

I just distract her as much as possible and put her in her cot with a few toys and books while I get dressed and ready in the morning. I'm dreading when she's too big for her cot...

I have a two year old as well and she is exactly the same. Nappy changes, I just give her something new to hold or a cracker, she gets distracted from the tantrum.
She hits the tv too, so it goes off or I just keep moving her away. She’ll have tantrum, so I just go and open a drawer or play with a toy and ask her if she wants to have a look.
I think it’s all about distraction at this age. They’re not actually being naughty as such. Just repeat, “we don’t hit the tv because it will break” for example and distract onto something constructive.
You’ll go mad and it’ll suck the life out of you, but he’ll be an angel by the time he is 3-4 if you keep gently enforcing the boundaries.

Stair gates across your bedroom door so he can watch but not touch.
Put everything in sealed boxes and/or out of the way.
Everything is a learning opportunity. He is not being naughty, he is exploring his world and playing. It's what kids do.
He is also seeking attention - he knows you react. Ignore as much as possible. If it is dangerous just calmly say no and move him away/distract. And repeat. And repeat.....
THey are not called the terrible 2s for no reason!

Sorry if this is hijacking but is this sort of behaviour normal for a 3 year old? I'm having a tough time with my dd atm.

Unihorn, just get a playpen when she’s too big, or a baby proofed room with a stair gate on the door.
Mine will play for ages in the bath with nothing but a basin of warm water sitting in it and a plastic tea set. I can always get a shower without any problem if I do that.

You just have to childproof your house when toddlers are around. Nothing within their reach that could harm them, or that they can damage. I even kept mine out of the kitchen, unless strapped into the high-chair.

Sounds normal. Agree re above move things out of the way. We introduced the time out step at this age. Just the threat of it now is usually enough! Xx

First of all he's two, they all go through this. And every parent who's having a rough time thinks their child is the worst.

Firstly, Stop telling him what you don't want him to do.

All he I said hearing is the bit you don't want, but interpreting as doing it.

For example- you see a sign 'Don't touch, wet paint' how many adults still will put a finger on just to check? Loads! If i say 'don't think of an elephant' what's the first thing you think of? An elephant.

So instead of saying 'don't push your cars up the wall' ignore that aspect and say 'push your cars in the floor' tell him what you want him to do instead.

It's not going to happen over night, if things have become a habit, but it will work.

Sorry to break the bad news to you op, but your toddler is displaying absolutely normal behaviour which is likely to to continue on until he's 4, to lesser degrees.

Here, have some consolation

This is all completely normal. he is not naughty he is 2. just like I keep on explaining to my DH if you don't want him to touch it you need to move it/lock it out the way.

Thanks for all your advice, I will definitely take them on board. I will try moving the things he messes about with. We do
Have a gate on the kitchen so he can’t go in there unless we leave it open. And i’ll Keep removing him. I just wonder if we’re doig something wrong or if this is normal.

Maybe ‘naughty’ wasn’t the best word, I of course understand that he’s 2 and doesn’t fully understand and is testing boundaries. Maybe ‘challenging’ would’ve been a better choice! He’s very curious and I get that he’s exploring, it’s more the hitting/kicking and the laughing at me that make me feel out of control. If he was doing it in temper I could at least understand that was the cause, but sometimes he’ll just hit when he’s very calm and laugh. He thinks it’s funny and a game and I’m not sure what else to try other than firmly telling him “no that hurts! We don’t hit/kick anybody”- it all just spurs him on.

And I’m very glad to hear that it all sounds normal

My 16 month old is exactly the same. I don't see it as naughtiness- he's just exploring. Of course I tell him "no" when he's doing something potentially deadly, or expensive to rectify, but otherwise, I reckon its my responsibility to keep stuff out of his way- not his to curb his exploratory nature...

Also the hitting and kicking- same here. Also biting, head banging and nipping.

He does it "playfully" laughing and smiling, so we just show how much it hurts us, and tell him it makes us sad, and remind about gentle hands.

All normal as far as I can see.

Another thing to do is keep a 'special toy' that they like, for only when you are doing a particular task. For example it may be a specific car, and that car only comes out when you are in the bedroom and you are doing something. Then show that the car, is going back in its box, to bed or where ever, say goodbye, and that he will come out again when we are doing whatever task. First couple of times you'll probably get tears at the going away stage, but as they learn it comes out again, the tears tend to reduce in frequency. My son used to have this annoying musical rattle thing? That he got too old for but loved playing with- we used it for nappy changing when the kicking started.

Sorry OP but he just sounds like a 2 year old! I know it’s stressful but try not to be so quick to brand him ‘naughty’ he’s showing very normal behaviour. It’s all about exploring at this age and they have no idea when they’ve gone too far.

As PPs have said, anything that may interest him that you don’t want him to have need to go away out of sight and after that it’s all distract, distract, distract.

It’s hard work. It’s totally ok to be upset with him (and to see you’re upset on occasion!) but if shouting and telling him off isn’t working, you might need to think about changing tactics to lots of praise when he’s doing the right things, keeping him occupied with different activities, showing him what you want him to do instead of telling him what you don’t want him to do.

And when all else fails, just remind yourself, this will pass as did all the other phases before it

My 5yo punched me in the back yesterday for no reason. He was playing soldiers and he got carried away, he was laughing. Sometimes they forget how much things hurt and do things just for the sensation. It takes different children different lengths of time to learn something. Some get 'no' after 3 times others after 3 years.

Just be consistent. Lots of distraction and positive praise.

Have you bought a road mat for him to push his cars around on? Or draw one with him on a flattened cardboard box. Mine love that. Altho we don't car if they push cars on the walls either and we don't have stair gates or locks in the kitchen.

With our eldest at that age we found fake crying really worked-he was extremely remorseful from a young age. But he clued on after a while, now we just tell he we are sad. With our youngest (a bit younger) we tell him not to, if he doesn't listen then we physically remove him and keep removing him until he gives up. With both of them we have used exclusion (behind a baby gate) as a punishment of last resort when they have done something dangerous that we absolutely do not want a repeat of.

With the hitting, try not to give it a big reaction. Just say "gentle hands please" or similar and move away, distract etc if he keeps doing it. Praise him whenever he is gentle.

He's laughing about it because he's 2! He really doesn't understand that it hurts or that you don't like it. He just sees a reaction and wants to try it again. After all he's allowed to hit some things, like building/construction toys, but not others. He's trying to work it all out.

Re the hitting/kicking, I caught DDs hands in my own and said ‘gentle hands/feet please’ and moved her hands and feet against where she was hitting and kicking in a gentle way to show her. May have been a fluke but after a while she got it and stopped hitting and kicking and instead stroked and gently patted.