To ask for advice about naughty toddler?

[LegoMa]

Posting here for traffic as not getting a lot on behaviour and development hope that’s okay.

My DS is 2 in a few weeks and I think he overall he is a bright, funny and loving little boy. His speech is coming on brilliantly and he is talking in short sentences. He’s a good sleeper at night time, goes down fine and sleeps through.
However, he has a real naughty streak and I’m struggling to best know how to deal with him at the mo. Obviously I know most 2 year olds are the same, but sometimes I wonder if they’re as bad as my DS?

Basically he’s SO hyperactive constantly, if he’s in my bedroom he’s getting everything out of my drawers, taking lids off bottles of cream etc, squirting my perfume. Then he will move on to my jewellery box and empty it all out onto the floor- it’s impossible for me to get ready unless DP or someone else is watching him or he’s napping. He’s very very strong willed and throws massive tantrums on the floor, sometimes headbutting it if he doesn’t get his own way. I feel like he’s quite a tightly wound child atm.

He also climbs on absolutely everything. When you tell him not to do something, it just encourages him to do it more. He will climb onto the tv stand and hit the tv repeatedly, you tell him off and remove him and it literally makes no difference, he’s back doing it again. He pushes his cars up and down the wall and then looks at us to see how we’re reacting- he’s bright and it’s like he does these things because he knows how to get a reaction and attention is what he wants.

When changing his nappy or getting him dressed it’s such a battle, arches his back, throws a massive tantrum. He will kick me in the stomach and hit me in the face also. When I tell him off he laughs! He finds it funny when I lose my temper with him (which I try not to do but it’s hard). Yesterday I regretfully burst into tears as I’m at my wits end with him. Tbh he did actually stop misbehaving and gave me a hug and said “Mummy’s sad. love you Mummy” so it’s good to know that he has developed the ability to feel remorse and know that it’s wrong.

Any advice/ experience with this sort of behaviour would be really appreciated. I know I need to set boundaries and nip a lot of this in the bud now, I’m trying but my methods don’t seem to be working!

Sounds exactly like my nearly 2 year old (except mine is a shite sleeper, so consider yourself blessed.)

I highly recommend this book- www.amazon.co.uk/Talk-Little-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/150113163X?tag=mumsnetforum-21

My girl thinks it's hilarious to try and jab me in the eyes with her poky little fingers. The more I say "ouch" the more she does it, so I try not to give her the pleasure of a reaction even if my eyes are streaming,

I always laugh at the comments that toddlers are not naughty, my 18mo DD can be very naughty. If I refuse to let her into the fridge she will run to the lounge, attack the TV with what she can get hands on. When I pull her away she goes mad and flips her table and chairs. She knows what she's doing, I can tell by the way she looks at us when doing it. Little madam!

My son is 2.5 and pretty much the same. Agree with advice above - put things out of way and create a safe environment as much as poss.

We also have a discipline system where he has until the count of 3 to obey a command and if not there’s a consequence. Time out/ toy taken away. Or a natural consequence (eg he empty’s his puzzle in the bin, can’t play with that any more).

yep - normal - there is a reason that there is such a big market in childproofing equipment - door locks and catches, drawer locks, door/stair gates, corner padding etc

(and I am a fan of a quick, sharp NO for hitting/kicking etc - though would not describe myself as "one of the no brigade")

@InAPickleToday it's not naughty in the sense of a pre planned action where she knows it's wrong and has decided to do it anyway. What you're describing is attention seeking in the moment because she's learnt that attacking the TV etc gets you to come back.

Yes to all the OPs who are saying it's normal 2 yr. old behaviour , he's discovering his world. The best thing to do is to go out with him twice a day (walking) , they're like puppies at this age and have lots of energy.

Apart from the hitting this is my crazy boisterous 18 month old dd.

She needs lots of outdoor play and toddler groups to calm her down but apart from that I don't tell her off for this kind of thing beyond a brief no, I distract her or change the situation, if she's very busy we might go for a walk to change the mood. She climbs everywhere but I've mostly let it go now, I just take her off the dining table but ignore most other climbing. If you have a small outdoor slide, bring it in! If you don't-buy one if poss! You could also try a ball pool.

Hitting IS naughty imo and that gets an immediate firm NO from me and I would put him straight onto the floor on his bottom turned away from you as if you're really cross. That worked for my middle dd when she went through a biting phrase. I don't do time outs but it was enough for her and she would cry a bit then get up and hug me and I would say 'say sorry to mummy' and she didn't have the language so she would do a kiss instead.

Some kids are just high strung, mine is. It got a lot, and I mean a lot, better after 2.5, but I'll warn you it also got really bad for a bit between 2 and 2.5.

My DS is still fairly hard work, but he now understands boundaries and consequences better, but he'd be absolutely thrilled to be able to get to my makeup and that

The laughing, though maddening, is an indication that they are dimly aware of having done something wrong and feel uncomfortable about it - it's embarassment rather than sadism. I find gentle avoidance/restraint saying "Hitting hurts, I'm not going to let you hurt me." is the best approach. Offering alternatives (you can't throw that but here's your ball) helps to redirect behaviour.

He sounds very much like my DD a few months ago. She's 2.5 now and has calmed down a bit, but still very hyperactive and pushes the boundaries.

Be firm but kind.

Make things into a game, my DD hated nappy changes so I'd ask her lots of questions while changing her, or ask her if she could stand on one leg, as distraction. I only change her standing up (pull ups) as she's refused to lie on a mat since around 18 months.

Make some things non-negotiable. If he hits the TV, put him in his room (if he has a gate to keep him in) and ignore for 5 mins. He will wail. Then give him a hug and explain he mustn't hit the TV. This time out is quite effective IME!

Is he doing naughty things to get your attention? Eg when you're cooking/concentrating on something? I try to have half an hour of vigorous play with DD before starting a task.

Does he have too many toys out at once? I find it helps to just have one or two out at a time (e.g. duplo and train set) or she doesn't play and starts throwing them everywhere.

How much exercise does he have? DD is always calmer after swimming or a long walk.

Remember this is a phase, it will pass

I do sad face to my 2yo, and ask her to come and say sorry and hug to make it better, if that doesn't work then time out. Seems to be getting better after a tough three months. She now tells others of for hitting. Persistence is the key I have found

Thanks for all of your kind words of wisdom! It’s good to know it all sounds very normal and hopefully it’s a phase that will pass. Will keep being persistent and try to remain calm!
He does sometimes act up when I’m cooking etc and not giving him as much attention, so that is definitely attention seeking. Other times I’m literally sat playing trains or cars or something with him and he’ll just hit me or head-but me for no reason at all.
Will bare in mind about the too many toys thing too, I try to put one thing away when he gets another thing out but often the floor is covered in lego, train track, cars, etc so it probably is overwhelming!

We live in a flat atm so don’t have a naughty step, although we’re moving into a house soon so I’m hoping when he has more room to play that will help. I do sometimes do a time out in his bed or his room as there’s not really anywhere else but I don’t like to coz I don’t want him to associate his bed or his room with being punished.

My two year old is exactly the same. Agree with everyone else - put anything you don't want to get broken out of his reach. I do try to reinforce boundaries, and he has been given time out a few times for particularly bad behaviour (biting his sister), but he doesn't really get it yet

I don't agree with 'naughty steps" like smacking it's usually a way of 'punishing' a child who was just being child.

If the child ONLY gets attention for being a PITA then it means they will carry on being a PITA if you give attention to the child who is being constructive and quietly reading or some such then they're likely to behave in way that the adult is happy with.

I speak as an ex Minder\nanny to 7 families and EY teacher also M of 3. The above works IME and O.

I have four kids. Two of them were like yours. A complete nightmare to do anything with them there. Couldn’t make phone calls, straighten my hair, couldn’t tidy as they’d be like whirlwinds, destroying everything behind me. Every cuddle turned into them climbing on me and accidentally kicking me in the head, every object became a climbing wall. They were like magnets where anything hazardous or spillable was involved. Sudocrem, bleach, milk, nail varnish... all over the carpet within a moment of them being opened.

Then I had two children who just naturally weren’t like that. They sat and played while I did my jobs. Never pulled over the Christmas tree, never pulled the laptop cord out of the wall, and the laptop with it. Just different nature.

There’s nothing you can really do about it. He’ll be less hurricaney as he gets older. My elder two are now 7 and 5 and couldn’t be better behaved.

When you're cooking can you give him a saucepan and a spoon and get him to "help"? Until you've had sudocreme smeared into a carpet, a sitting room full of flour, your favourite lipstick destroyed you haven't really been a parent!!

No to the naughty step!

You have to cut him some slack. He is two. If he was doing stuff like that at 6 or 7 then fair enough to get annoyed but at two he is just playing and having fun. He is not being deliberately naughty imo.

Normal. But trying for you.

My DS at two was into everything, though he wouldn't empty whole boxes or cupboards. He would take one thing out and stash it somewhere else, with real creativity going into it. He lost my parents' second set of car keys, never to be seen again. I used to have to be very careful putting on shoes and boots as they were likely to have random objects or fruit in them. We've got video of him carefully placing a screwdriver or something in the tea towel drawer.

DD was less considered: her modus operandi was suck it, then chuck it.

Toddlers are like working dogs (sheepdogs etc.). They have to be worked hard to keep their temperament and behaviour stable. Both of mine were much much calmer and happier if they got out early to run around the park. Anything that gives them freedom to move and act, frankly. I used to put the radio on a pop station and dance about with them for 20 minutes sometimes, just so they could let loose.

Give him lots of plastic storage to play with and put things in/take things out.

And, distract, distract, distract!

Sounds normal.

DS doesn’t only get attention when he’s being a PITA, he gets lots of positive praise when he’s being good, I’m always telling him what a good/clever/funny little by he is, we play with his toys, we draw, we bounce on the bed, we sing funny songs. I often try to ignore his bad behaviour but a lot of the time it’s dangerous or means that something valuable is going to get broken so it’s not always possible. And certain things aren’t up for negotiation in that case and I want him to know that “no” means “no” with those things!

I do understand that he’s 2, and obviously he isn’t fully aware of what he’s doing and a lot of it is exploring, which is great, I don’t want him to change who he is and I think his curiosity is mostly a good thing. It’s more the completely ignoring me and DP, and even doing it all the more whatever method we seem to have tried. Whether he’s 2 or 6 or 7 it’s still pretty frustrating being kicked and hit in the face repeatedly and having to battle with him for everything- I wouldn’t say that’s playing and having fun. I wanted to know if this sort of behaviour seemed normal, which I’m happy to say from these responses it seems that it is for this age, and for some advice on how best to to deal with it. I’m not just bitching about him- he does so many amazing things also but it’s his misbehaviour that I’m struggling with.

Oh god Regina how cheeky yet very creative of him! I know what you mean with the shoe thing I have to do the same! And I like the share the sheepdog comparison!

In response to those who say 'he can't be naughty he's two'. What on earth do you think naughty means! I'd say 'of course he's naughty, he's two!'.

He doesn't have the impulse control or understanding of danger and damage yet. I'd say you need to somehow keep him distracted with a pile of safe (but interesting) stuff to play with. Make your spaces as 2 yr old friendly as possible. Let him learn about safety in a controlled way (let him take calculated risks and don't try to stop everything even if you're a bit on tenderhooks). Talk him through what you want him to do and why, it will eventually sink in.

Some are 'naughtier' than others and love to do the opposite you say whereas some toddlers are more compliant. You need to figure out how to work with him and saying no to a child like that is often just a challenge! Try chatting along with him 'I wouldn't open that drawer, everything will fall out. Oh dear it all fell out and hit you on the head. Are you ok? Maybe we should close it up again so you don't get hurt' etc rather than 'nooooooo, don't touch that!'.

Something I did at that age was take the time each day to actually physically practice "gentle hands". "Show mummy your gentle hands darling. Yes that's right. Look mummy is doing gentle hands on the train, can you do it too? Can you do gentle hands on mummy? oooh that's lovely. Look here's daddy can you show daddy your gentle hands?" etc. etc.

It's better than trying to teach and model it when he's all het up with the toddler bloodlust.

With mine, if they ever did hit I would immediately howl "NO!" and show on my face that I felt hurt and horrified (really over the top) and get up and stop playing/stop the interaction - no shouting, no trying to get them to stop, just immediately stopping whatever nice thing we were doing and taking myself off to calm down for two minutes. They didn't like it at all, but imo natural consequences are the way to go.

Saying "no" gently and nicely but keeping up with the game just tells them that "no" is a weird funny thing mummy says but not to worry, just keep doing what you were doing.

As for during nappy changes, it was all distraction for me. I had to change them while they were standing watching telly for many months (used the pull-on nappies).

It's normal, you'll get through it.