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Original poster

Feeling low again...

53 replies

ipadsbanned · 07/01/2018 21:41

Since October I've felt incredibly low. The lowest I've ever felt. I could barely bring myself to get out of bed and go about my day but somehow I did. I spent hours on my own just crying over nothing. I started to feel better on Christmas Day and up until last Wednesday I've felt elated...almost like I was on a high. This weekend I've felt the 'depression' coming back. My house is a mess, I'm not sleeping, I'm just sitting doing nothing and barely talking to anyone. I'm scared that I'm going to get to my lowest point again and worrying about how long it will take me to feel happy again. How can I stop this and build myself back up. I feel like I can never just be 'normal'. I'm either really high or really low. I hate feeling like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
ipadsbanned · 07/01/2018 21:51

Please

OP posts:
ditzychick34 · 07/01/2018 21:55

You need to talk to your doctor, show tem this if it helps but please get some help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help to get you back to yourself again. Unmumsnetty hugs for you ((()))

Tistheseason17 · 07/01/2018 22:01

Yes, please go and see your GP. Perhaps write down anything you can think of that contributes to you feeling like this.
Get put and have a walk - exercise releases endorphins and walking is free Flowers

ditzychick34 · 08/01/2018 08:29

How are you feeling today op?

Pengggwn · 08/01/2018 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 08/01/2018 08:34

The lows combined with euphoria suggest it is more than situational depression. Please see your doctor and get some medication.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 08/01/2018 08:36

This sounds like bipolar disorder where you feel extremes if mood. You need to book an urgent appointment to see your GP.

Original poster
ipadsbanned · 08/01/2018 10:10

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I started the day feeling quite low but feel slightly better now the mad morning rush is over and I have the day off to myself. I'm not sure if what I'm experiencing are feelings of actual elation/euphoria or if I just felt so good because I'd been so low previously? I really don't like the thought of going to the doctor and taking medication. Having said that I do feel I need to do something. I have thought in the past that I may be suffering with bipolar disorder but when I'm not feeling low I easily disregard it as I feel so happy at times that I can't imagine faking in to that low stage again. I really though after 3 good weeks I may have cracked it but here I am again. Feeling empty and numb

OP posts:
Singlebutmarried · 08/01/2018 10:20

I’ve struggled for two years with DH mainly working away. He’s literally at home maybe 10 weeks of the year, the rest of the time he’s travelling getting home late on a Friday and often leaving for work again on a Sunday.

I used to work full time, but due to an ongoing health issue I now do all of DHs admin work and am helping to grow his business.

I went from working in a busy office to seeing literally no one (apart from DD and school mums).

I had a complete meltdown in about October last year, went to see the dr and I’m now on some ADs and the fog has lifted. It’s not perfect but it’s better.

I’m making an effort to go out more and DH has been home for a few weeks, we’re putting plans in place so that he can work more locally.

I used to lose days, literally drop DD at school and then next thing I know it’s time to get her.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 08/01/2018 10:21

If it is bipolar then it might be that your lows go lower than your highs give euphoria. It presents differently in different people. However what you are aiming for is a balancing of the moods. Start by writing a mood diary or charting your moods as this gives you and the doctor a record of what is going on.

ditzychick34 · 08/01/2018 10:33

The doctor will be able to support you and offer different treatments that may suit you better than medication but you do need to talk to someone. Enjoy your day to yourself, make time to breathe and rest before the evening routine starts again. Keep posting here if you want to, there are people here at all time if you want to chat about anything

Original poster
ipadsbanned · 08/01/2018 11:01

Thank you @ditzychick34 I find it really hard to explain how I'm feeling. Even in one day I go from sitting in silence, not thinking or doing anything to suddenly jumping up, blasting music and running around doing housework as quick as I can go. I just want to feel 'ok'. I don't want to feel amazing or elated or on top of the world. Just 'OK' would be fine.

OP posts:
Original poster
ipadsbanned · 08/01/2018 11:03

@Tomselleckhaskindeyes Thank you. I will start a mood diary today. I'm worse when I'm alone. I think all sorts of things. When I'm at work it's a distraction so I generally feel better when I'm there but when I'm having a really low time there's no hiding it. My manager pulled me aside twice before Christmas saying that she thinks I should have some time off but the thought of being alone with my thoughts was too scary so I stayed at work.

OP posts:
Original poster
ipadsbanned · 08/01/2018 11:04

@Singlebutmarried Thank you for sharing your experience. I hope you're feeling a little better now. I completely get what you're saying about the days just passing you by. Right now I'm sat on the sofa and I could just sit here all day and do nothing.

OP posts:
Rebeccaslicker · 08/01/2018 11:04

Please see your dr for some proper advice, OP. This is something that you can get help with, rather than struggling. Flowers

Luckingfovely · 08/01/2018 11:08

Please let me just add support and reassurance that going to see your GP is the right thing to do. Try and see it as the first positive and proactive step in getting better. It does sound like you need help, please don't prolong feeling like this any longer than you need to. They will understand.

Original poster
ipadsbanned · 08/01/2018 11:08

@Rebeccaslicker I really don't want to go to the GP. I have 2 DC and worry about any reprocussions from potentially being diagnosed with a mental health issue. What if the HP thinks I can't be a good Mum whilst I'm feeling so down?

OP posts:
Original poster
ipadsbanned · 08/01/2018 11:10

@Luckingfovely I know that going to the GP is what I need to do but I'm so scared of talking about how I feel in RL. I worry that they will think I'm not coping and will tell the school or something if I get a diagnosis.

OP posts:
Rebeccaslicker · 08/01/2018 11:12

Oh Op, they won't think that. Of course they won't. You are not the first mum to need a bit of help. It's just part of whatever is going on with you that is making you feel that way.

Luckingfovely · 08/01/2018 11:21

Oh sweetheart - I know more mums who are on some form of MH medication than not, I think. Please don't feel that this is way out of the ordinary - sadly it's all too common, and your gp will see multiple mums per week asking for similar help. You are not alone in this. There is no reason for them to tell the school - their focus will be on helping you feel better. Asking for help is not only the bravest, but most responsible thing to do. It shows that you want to be the best mum for your children. It is positive not negative, you really need to try and stop seeing it that way. Please ring and make an appointment, it will feel like a weight has lifted.

Snowysky20009 · 08/01/2018 11:29

I went through similiar for years.

Finally went to the GP 2 years ago. Was referred to the local psyc team and diagnosed with depression an s put on anti depressants. A few more episodes of highs and lows, and after three visits with the psychiatrist was put on an anti psychotic which helped loads.

Continued to have the highs, and during a review was diagnosed with bipolar. Medication changed and I have felt the most stable I have been in years.

Please do not fear anything from going to the GP! I wish I had done it years ago. I don't know how it is in other areas, but the GP referred me and I was seen within 5 weeks. I also had 2 emergency referrals where I was seen within 2 days by the team.

Snowysky20009 · 08/01/2018 11:36

Oh and please don't worry about any repercussions on your children. Nothing will happen, nobody will know, unless you choose to tell them. I personally don't care who knows, we talk about my bipolar as a family, make a joke of it 'opps mums on a high again' and friends are all aware and they are more curious. But I'm very open to them asking questions and will answer them honestly. It is a benefit, because they get to know the signs of mood changes and will say things like 'I think you need to slow down' or 'I think you need an earlier night and try and get some sleep' etc. It just helps me, that it's not a secret and they don't fear it (becasuse yes there is stigma around mh unfortunately, but that is slowly being broken down).

Good luck OP and remember you always have people here to talk too!

Babybauble · 08/01/2018 11:39

I agree see GP. It may be bipolar but it could be the highs feel so great. As a good mood is rare so your elated. I've had that with depression. I guess it depends how it affects your behaviour and rationality.

For me I knew I wasn't bipolar as didn't struggle sleeping, the feeling great didn't affect my reasoning or decisions. Everyone has great moods sometimes, I guess when your mood has been so low these great ones seem a bit scary. When I stabilised my mood the contrast disappeared and a good mood didn't come with elation as it was a more normal emotion for me.

I'm not saying you aren't bipolar, definitely see your GP. But it could be similar to what I experienced :)

Babybauble · 08/01/2018 11:44

@snowy, love your acceptance towards your bipolar and how open you are about it. Nearly everyone I know has struggled with MH these days so I definitely agree talking about it and accepting yourself and others is a fantastic step forward. I felt much better about my MH issues when I stopped feeling like I had to fix myself, obsessing about being normal and chastising myself like I was broken. We all have our quirks and differences. Please don't take that as me minimising the suffering that comes with MH issues either, just admire how you deal with it :)

IrkThePurist · 08/01/2018 11:47

Your GP wont judge you for having a problem with your mental health any more than they would if you had a problem with your physical health.

Please, phone your GP today. Say its urgent. Tell them how low you feel and start taking meds to support you.
Then buy a daylight light bulb used to treat Seasonal Affected Disorder and start using that.

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