Feeling low again...

[ipadsbanned]

Since October I've felt incredibly low. The lowest I've ever felt. I could barely bring myself to get out of bed and go about my day but somehow I did. I spent hours on my own just crying over nothing. I started to feel better on Christmas Day and up until last Wednesday I've felt elated...almost like I was on a high. This weekend I've felt the 'depression' coming back. My house is a mess, I'm not sleeping, I'm just sitting doing nothing and barely talking to anyone. I'm scared that I'm going to get to my lowest point again and worrying about how long it will take me to feel happy again. How can I stop this and build myself back up. I feel like I can never just be 'normal'. I'm either really high or really low. I hate feeling like this.

I'm going to think about booking a doctors appointment. I just have no idea where to start with what to tell them. I've had an ok day until the school run. I looked forward to picking them up all day (I only get to pick them up once a week because of work) and within 3 mins of them being out I'm stressed. I can't cope with all of the noise and talking and the how busy it is. I'm just such a failure.

You are not a failure in any way , you are stressed, you are out of balance and you need help to get back on an even keel.

You don't need to think about booking an appointment: there is nothing to think about. Just pick up the phone, and book it.

If you can't think of any words, just show the gp this thread. They will understand. Please book it, you have had lots of great advice and reassurance about your concerns on this thread - now you need to help yourself a little bit

Just tell the doctor what you told us. 1 in 4 of us suffer mental health issues at some point. It seems massive to you but it won’t be to them. It’ll be something that they have heard a lot. If you didn’t the mood chart you’ll have something to show them. OP of it was your heart you’d phone tomorrow did that appointment. Our brains can make us very poorly but the stigma of mental illness stops people getting the help they need.

I hope that made some sense! Bloody autocorrect!

Babybauble I didn't take that any way except as a compliment- thank you.

OP before you go to the GP write down a list of how you feel, when you feel it, any triggers you notice, anything that you find that helps your mood and so on.

Because if you are anything like me, you have something to say, get in there and completely forget it. Don't worry GP's are used to seeing people with a list (I know because I asked mine once if it was silly and he said no many people do it).

I wish I could just pick up the phone and book an appointment but for some reason I find it so hard. My heart starts racing and my hands shake. I have to go to work for the rest of the week but I just can't face it. It's going to be be a long week

I'm so sorry that it seems such a big hurdle for you. It is really holding you back from getting better. Maybe read this thread through again when you have time, and try to really listen and believe all the advice you have been given. And then just ring. Try not to overthink: just do it. I think if you can try to accept that this is what you need to do to get better, and stop seeing it as a negative, it might help.

Ok. If the gp sounds too difficult right now (been there) try aiming low.

The house is a mess (this is also a gauge of how unwell I am) then can you pick one thing to tackle and start there? I know it feels like a mountain.

Or can you drag yourself out for a walk? Coffee?

Baby steps.

Home for my lunch break and am trying to gather up the courage to go back. I've sat here crying, scared of my own thoughts because this isn't me. All I keep thinking is 'What the fuck is wrong with me?' I don't understand why work is so hard for me at the moment. The people I work with are nice, the job isn't pressured but at the moment I feel it overwhelmed with it. I just can't be a good wife, good mum and do well at work all at the same time. I want to feel better but I don't want to talk about it in RL. People are just going to think I'm crazy. I think if I spoke to someone I would cry and never stop but what's even worse is that I don't know why. I just don't know what to do.

You have to talk to someone in real life. You are holding on so tightly you are going to collapse soon. Please, please call your go, or a friend or family. Help is available - the only thing stopping you getting better is your refusal to take the first step. I know it feels impossible and I can hear how desperate you sound, but you have to face this now. You need help. It is not a bad thing to ask for help. You can be helped, but I don't think at the moment you can do it on your own. Please, please call the gp. Just pick up the phone and do it. Please.

ipads or pm me if you want to?

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Depression my love. It's literally a killer.

If you had come out in a rash and were struggling to breathe you would see a doctor. Tis the same thing honey.

Can somebody make the appointment for you?

You are poorly lovely. I’ve been where you are. I got the treatment that I needed and am really happy now. I look back and realise how ill I was. Notice I said ILL. It’s an illness you can’t help it.

Does your workplace have any sort of employee support service? It may be able to direct you to a counselling team, or support you in making the call to the GP. Or you could call MIND - they have a helpline (0300 123 3393). And if you just want to talk Samaritans are available 24 hours a day 08457 909090 - they won't mind if you have a good cry - sometimes you just need to let go and howl.

When your hands start to shake and your heart starts racing it's the adrenaline pumping from your 'flight or fight' response - you've been under stress for a while and it can 'stick'. When you get that feeling you can start to hyperventilate and it all becomes a vicious circle and you end up having a panic attack. When you feel the stress response start to kick in, take some time out and breath steadily and slowly from your diaphragm, in through your nose and out through your mouth. Just focus on your breathing and nothing else, and take a pause between each breath so you aren't snatching for air.

It's the loneliest feeling in the world, but you aren't on your own, I promise you. Your doctor will have lots of experience in dealing with people who are going through the same thing. There will be other mums at the school gate who have been through the same feelings your have. It's so hard to take that first step, but you don't have to struggle on.

Start going for walks. No mother how small they are, get outside, breathe and notice nature. It really really helps.

Two things have helped me with ongoing anxiety and depression: anti depressants and exercise.
Oh and talking to friends but I am quite verbal about it, I understand not everybody is.
I have struggled with it for years and wish I had sought help earlier. I finally did when my eldest was 18 months (he's 13 now) and had ADs for about 6 months. There was no judgement from the GP and MH nurse I saw, and hand on heart, I can say they changed my life. I finally felt like me again.
Could you get someone to phone the surgery for you if that is holding you back?
The other thing that helps is thinking 'This will pass'. Stupid little phrase but it's like a mantra to me!

Wow I've come home from work admittedly in a low mood and DH has just told me I'm 'Fucked up' and to go and and get my bed checked by a doctor because I'm 'not wired up right.' I just stood there and a few tears came down my face and he said that now I've upset him and pissed him off I apparently think it's ok to cry to make him feel sorry for me. He's probably right. I'd love to just run away with my DC

I think we might be getting to the root of some of the issues. ❤️

Also he's got in a strop because there were no clean tea towels (they are in the tumble dryer) and no sandwich bags- this was enough to reduce me to tears (probably because of how fragile I'm feeling at the moment. Apparently our house is 'a joke' and nothing is ever easy or there when he needs it. I work 4/7 days a week and have 2 DC and try my best. It's just not good enough for him. If only he would sit down and she me what's going on instead of blaming me for making the house miserable.

Is he unable to get sandwich bags or work the dryer? Is that because he has penis? Please don’t take it to heart. When I went through a course of counselling I found out that I was pretty much ok but was surrounded by really negative people. Once I dealt with that I felt a lot better.

He sounds like a complete arse and is clearly not giving you the support you need at the moment. Please please find the support you need to get better.

I agree with Tom a lot of this seems to be stemming from your relationship. What is it like in general?

Well, I can see why you're unwell. What an absolute arsehole.

I have a bit of an update for those that are interested.

I DID IT!! I went to the GP. Luckily I'm having a 'good day' today so was able to articulate how I've been feeling (without crying- bonus!) and I've been given some citralopram (not sure on the spelling!) and also been referred for some counselling to discuss what may be causing me to feel like this and to get learn some management techniques for when I feel things are getting too much. The GP was so lovely and dint make me feel 'crazy' at all.

I honestly feel better already for talking in RL.

With regards to my partner he is normally quite supportive. I can only assume that he has just got fed up of my 'moods' which I can understand to a certain degree. He's apologised for how he spoke to me but we haven't said anymore about it. He doesn't know I've been to my GP.

I'm wondering if I should speak to him tonight and be open and honest rather than bottling it up.

Thank you for the advice on the thread so far. I will keep you updated.