DH wants to sell up to buy DSDs their own place. AIBU?

[K1092902]

Backstory:

Me and DH moved from London to Manchester when we got married as we wanted to be closer to my parents as my Dad wasn't well at the time- all OK now.

We got our house for an absolute steal in a good area with good schools, lots to do for both adults and the kids while still being quite a quiet town as it was a repossession and we were in the position at the time to be cash buyers.

DH has fallen in love (and I will admit I have in a way) with a house in a neighbouring town that we went to have a nosey at this week. DH now wants to sell up and use some of the money we will make selling the house to put towards a mortgage for our DSDs (we would get them a flat and we will probably be in a position to put down approx a 60% depsoit and be in a position to buy ours outright). We have had our house valued so aware at how much it is worth.

We have talked about moving for a year or two and I was up for it- but things have changed.

DSD2 is 18 and 7 months pregnant. While I dont doubt she will make a great mum and DSD1 will support her I dont think she comprehends how hard it will be and I want to be there to support her for at least a couple of months. I'm just worried it's going to hit her hard and she is really going to struggle not having me or DH there to support her 24/7. Not to mention DSD1 has her own life and doesn't want to be there for her all the time which I can understand 100%

DSD1 only moved in with us a few months ago- her and DSD2 are close and have really bonded but I dont know how they will find living alone together when both of them have always lived with a parent.

That coupled with the fact I'm really not sure if I'm ready to let go of our first family home. DD was born here for starters plus we have many family memories here together and with extended family and friends

AIBU to have my doubts?

I have my doubts. But I'm not going to reply because this will be the umpteenth thread you start and never come back to.

Your DH is still an arse, btw.

The biggest for me would be DSD1 and dsd2 living together with a newborn. I’d worry that DSD1 would be seen as a second parent and that she would have to make compromises living with a baby that she wouldn’t usually have to do. And that, along the line, will possibly cause resentment.

She's nearly 19 and about to have her first child. I suspect she probably won't want someone hovering over her shoulder 24/7 with a new baby as it's nice to do things your own way and learn yourself. She is an adult. I would say in this situation it would actually probably be better if you were near enough to offer support, go over and visit, but not there 24/7. With a new baby that can make you feel your baby is being taken over.

You sound absolutely lovely. You can move at any time and at that age she'd need the support. I got pregnant at 19 and definitely wouldn't have been able to cope if i wasnt still at home with my ma.
Speak to your DH i doubt he'll see any problem.

Nice problem to have!

If you can afford to buy the place you love outright and buy 60% of a flat for DSDs then go for it.

Do the girls work and so will they be able to pay the mortgage? Was the pregnancy planned? Will you be a position to do the same for your dd when she grows up?

Why does OP not come back to threads?

What? You are thinking of the two DDs living together, one is a single mum and the other with a normal early 20 something lifestyle? And the DDs have only lived together a short while anyway at home and the elder one is already saying that she doesn't want to be there for her all the time?

No no no no no.

They will fall out quicker than you can blink.

Really bad bad idea.

Put money away for them yes but don't go buying them a flat when both their lives are in a state of flux. You have no idea what either of them will want or need even in the medium term, or whether they will even want to stay local.

Don't go making some big financial commitment which ties any of you to one plan when everything is so up in the air.

Ohhh I remember you.

Isn't your 'D'H an uber-cunt?

He is the one that wanted to throw out your dsd, turned up at your parents house being aggressive and demanding to see your dd (didn't you Dad have to restrain him and you begged him not to call the police?) Among other shitty things.

I don't think MN can help you.

If your dsd’s get a 60% paid for property are you in the position to give your own children 30% each when the time comes? Otherwise it’s unfair to start with.

I don’t see a young 20’s wanting to really live with her sister having a newborn what for one should be a relaxing place having mates over will quickly be taken over by baby things and shhh baby is sleeping etc.

What are you hoping for from this thread OP? You’ve been given lots of really good, sensible advice on your previous threads. All of which you have apparently ignored.

Is this idiot bloke who kicked out his daughter for being pregnant? He now wants to buy her a flat? Changed his tune, hasn’t he?

Of course you shouldn't move away from your step daughters and expect them to live happily in a flat you buy them what a ridiculous proposal. You need to stay put a couple of years until DSD2 and the baby are ready to live totally independently and DSD1 will have moved on by then too. I can't believe you are considering sticking a pregnant teen and her slightly older sister in a flat together!

It sounds like a really bad idea to try and tie them into living together - how long would this last at their ages?

Your husband has had a big change of heart hasn't he?

I would put my foot down to selling a house to fund houses for DC's. If you can afford to give/lend them a deposit then fine. But don't remortgage or sell. But in the circumstances you describe with one DSD being a very young single parent and the other DSD sharing. It sounds a recipe for total disaster.

I don’t see a young 20’s wanting to really live with her sister having a newborn what for one should be a relaxing place having mates over will quickly be taken over by baby things and shhh baby is sleeping etc.
Depends on their relationship. I’d have done this with my sister no problem.

Even if DSD1 decides it's not for her, it still means she has a share in a property gaining equity.

Is this your DH's way of not having to live with the Girls?
and how do you get on when your alone, without the girls?

I can't believe you are considering sticking a pregnant teen and her slightly older sister in a flat together!

OP isn't, it's her husband. Why are people so desperate to find a stick to beat the OP with all the time?

NFW. Your h is still a twat, too.

While it seems a nice dream to have the DSDs sharing have you thought about what happens if/ when they fall out?

Theres also the running costs to think about, council tax, electric, gas, broadband, tv license, phone, food. How are they going to afford that?

Then theres your DD if her step sisters have been bought a flat wont she expect the same treatment?

We are currently dealing with the emotional and practical fallout of 2 sibling who previously got on having fallen out BIG time after sharing

You've previously posted that this is the man who wanted to throw his pregnant daughter out on the street and that last summer you had to call the police to keep him from harassing you.

WTF is going on?

Oh gosh if it is you Iv been thinking of you lots. I haven't seen any of your posts since the once where you found our SD was pregnant and your sister was being awful about the wedding. How was the wedding? How are you? Are things better at home now?
I can't believe she's already 7 months gone!

Op sell up and split the money between you and dp. Buy separate houses. Leave him.

Buy the flat. Put it in trust for both girls so they xan have the income and capital appreciation roll up for them in the meantime love and care for them.